Author Archives: Ilsa Rey

About Ilsa Rey

Mother, martial artist, author of the forthcoming novel, Wish I Was Here (December 2025).

Aug1

And so it happened

Posted on August 1, 2026 by Ilsa Rey

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We knew the day was coming, but knowing in advance didn’t make its arrival any easier.

The New Girls, Blonde and Brunette, officially joined Master Cycle. That meant Instructor split Her Royal Highness and me up to partner with the lower belts.

That I should be considered a “higher belt” is ironic, but here we are.

I was with Brunette for what was her first MC class, and it went fine, from my perspective. The challenges are old hat to me, but later I got a text from her saying she wanted to cry after class.

And so I talked her down, much like HRH had done for me, telling her it would all be okay, eventually.

Being the elegant lady that I am, I described it thus: “I know it’s rough going from top dog in Combatives to little puppy not yet potty trained in Master Cycle” and explained it’s tough for all of us, but everyone is so kind and helpful.

And so the Ilsa has become the HRH, though I don’t think Her Royal Highness has ever wet the mat.

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Jul28

Back to our regularly scheduled program

Posted on July 28, 2026 by Ilsa Rey

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In other words, I went back to Jiu-Jitsu Saturday morning after my surgery on Monday. The doctor had warned, “Nothing more than a stationary bike. Don’t get your blood pressure up.”

I don’t have a stationary bike, so I basically got slothful for several days. Feeling my muscles shrink and my stomach sag, I at least did a set of push-ups Friday. My nose throbbed afterward, however.

Oh well. It’s been too long since I’d Jiu-Jitsued it up, so I donned my gi and fresh nose Band-Aids and headed to the mixed beginner (Combatives) and advanced (Master Cycle) class.

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Jul23

Ilsa gets a nose job

Posted on July 23, 2026 by Ilsa Rey

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I had basal cell carcinoma on the side of my nose, which required Moh’s surgery, where they slice it out layer by layer, taking 60-90 minutes between cuts to biopsy what they removed until the tumor is gone. I knew this would be a long day, so I packed food, water, and my laptop, looking forward to a quiet writing retreat.

Here’s what actually happened.

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Jul19

It’s been far too long since I’ve given you…

Posted on July 19, 2026 by Ilsa Rey

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It’s been far too long since I’ve given you…

Surfer Dude stories! (I can hear your applause from here.)

Instructor and HRH were on a family camping trip one Saturday morning, so Surfer Dude (SD) taught Jiu-Jitsu. Toward the end, Smiley Guy asked SD what to do if someone gets their head out from under your leg (#onlyinJiuJitsu). SD showed it once, but class was over, so we didn’t practice that.

Rolling time, and I was with SD. At one point, he pushed my leg off from over his head, so I immediately pressed his chest back down with my other thigh, as he’d just shown.

“Oh-ho!” he said, eyebrows raised.

Later, I was standing, pondering how to get past his legs as he was in what I’ll call dead-bug position. Suddenly, his face brightened (uh-oh), he sat up, and pushed me over backward.

“Hey! That’s cheating,” I said. We both laughed. The timer rang, and he fist bumped me. “Good job,” he said.

I was practicing another day with SD when he said something along the lines of, “You can’t keep a good man down.”

“Oh, so since you just got out from the bottom of my side mount, you’re a good man, huh?” I said.

“I didn’t even think of that. You’re the one who made the connection.”

“Oooh, look at me. I’m Surfer Dude. I’m so great,” I said in my most obnoxious voice.

“Is that what I sound like in your head?”

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Jul8

The New Girls

Posted on July 8, 2026 by Ilsa Rey

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When I returned to Jiu-Jitsu in January after the broken foot, there were two new women in the Combatives (beginner) class. Since they were unknown to me, they were scary. Nevertheless, I asked one to take that picture of me with HRH on my first night back.

On a Saturday seminar, one of them—I’ll super inventively call her “Blonde”—was my partner. Once you partner with someone, the camaraderie is born. All level of discomfort disappears.

Now both new ladies are my friends. Along with HRH and Little Sister, we went out to tacos on a Tuesday after a joint Combatives/Master Cycle class. I’ve also been on a group text with the two of them. It makes me laugh to think how “scary” they were initially.

Blonde has since made it to Master Cycle. We partnered together on a Tuesday where we only do instruction for the first half of class, followed by rolls. I often like to use this time drilling what we’d learned, hoping it will help cement the new techniques in my mind.

Instructor doesn’t favor this approach.

He walked toward us and, not looking at me, asked Blonde if she wanted to drill or roll.

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Jul1

Rey Road Rip, part 3

Posted on July 1, 2026 by Ilsa Rey

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The last leg of our journey was to my sister’s house near Cleveland. Once again, all the nearby relatives descended. We made Hungarian kielbasa from my grandfather’s meat grinder and sausage press–intestinal casings and all. If this grosses you out, please scroll quickly.

My kids took turns cranking the meat grinder. I’ll spare you the pic of my brother holding up the white, ropy casings.

Just outside the garage, my dad set up the smoker his dad had made to complete the first stage of cooking, but then… the rain came.

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Jun27

Rey Road Trip, Part 2

Posted on June 27, 2026 by Ilsa Rey

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Under a pale gray sky that had finally cried itself out, we drove from Verona, WI, to Fort Atkinson and the home of Mark and Tara Petruska.

First, we explored the MarTar Manor yard.

The kids enjoyed catching and petting (yep, they said they did) frogs.

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Jun24

Rey Road Trip, Part 1

Posted on June 24, 2026 by Ilsa Rey

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We hit six states in 12 days.

First, we flew to Minnesota and stayed with my sister-in-law. We saw most of Hubby’s extended family. Some drove four hours, one way, in the same day. Ooof.

We had dinner with Hubby’s college friends, another meal with his high school friends, stuck our feet in one of the state’s 10,000+ lakes, visited the famous Mall of America (especially the Lego store), and, most importantly for blog purposes, had breakfast with a blog buddy. 🙂

Meeting TTA was loads of fun. She and Hubby are both teachers, so I enjoyed my eggs Benedict while they talked shop. Learning how she and her husband met was most entertaining. (Sadly, he was in England at the time.) And I discovered that rabbits have personalities like humans do. Now I kind of want a bunny. She wrote about the visit on her blog.

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May30

Here’s something I didn’t tell you

Posted on May 30, 2026 by Ilsa Rey

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Remember that time I got dressed up to meet Sensei at the library for zucchini? It wasn’t just for zucchini. We were plotting and scheming a Taekwondo class at my kids’ school.

Here’s the thing: everyone in my family is a Taekwondo black belt except Little Joe. That makes me sad for him. When my daughters and I did Taekwondo, we were Sensei’s last students before he essentially retired.

I’d like to argue that, since the very last black belt he handed out was to me, he broke the mold. How could anyone top that? But I pulled him out of retirement to help me start this class.

As a quick refresher of my post, Because I go to stupid lengths for humor, I had decided to forgo my usual ratty clothes by wearing my fanciest dress for a library meeting. At our next meeting, Sensei, who likewise typically arrives in the same red sweat pants and yellow or blue T-shirt, attempted to show me up.

Sensei dressed up. And he brought more zucchini. Of course.

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May20

Ich wünschte ich wäre hier

Posted on May 20, 2026 by Ilsa Rey

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I could also say: Ojalá estuviera aquí.

And soon it will be: [whatever “Wish I Was Here” is in French].

The publisher asked authors if they’d like their Kindle e-books translated into German and Spanish.

“Sure!” I said. “Why not?”

“They’ll be up within 72 hours,” was the response.

Clearly, that means they’re AI-generated. I hope the robots did a good job. Not that humans can’t make mistakes, of course. In fact, as well-refined as AI has become, maybe it did a better job than a human could. Still, some carbon-based life form proofreading after the fact would probably be prudent. I’d like to say I could do it, but…

Conozco ein bisschen Español y Deutsch pero nein Français. And certainly not enough of the first two to be a decent judge.

If anyone wants to 1) test their foreign language knowledge, 2) help out a blog buddy, and 3) enjoy a good book, especially as a fun summer read, try Wish I Was Here in the lingua of your choice! [Click/tap See all languages and editions then choose a language from the drop-down menu. It’s only $6 or free if you have Kindle Unlimited. Yes, I have an affiliate link, FWIW.]