Category Archives: Taekwondo

Making children cry

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Making children cry

Hubby warned me. But I didn’t listen.

I wanted to do a review game with the second graders to prepare them for their test. I wrote “Side A” and “Side B” on the board to tally their scores. The kids in the first desk on each side were up against each other to see who could answer the question first. Then the second desk, etc. It seemed harmless enough.

But these were seven-year-olds.

Two girls started crying when they didn’t win. Fortunately, I knew one had a freakish knowledge of Jupiter. I said, “Bonus question: what is that big circle on Jupiter called?” She smiled, raised her hand, nailed it. At least, I assume she did. I couldn’t remember what it’s called. Great red spot or whatever? Doesn’t matter. I gave her team a bonus point, and she sat up tall and smiling. Whew.

The other girl teared up at the end, thankfully, so I said, “Could you please help me pass out these worksheets?” You’d think I’d handed her a miniature live unicorn that occasionally, though cutely and discreetly, burps out bubbles and sparkles. Another crisis averted.

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Here’s something I didn’t tell you

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Here’s something I didn’t tell you

Remember that time I got dressed up to meet Sensei at the library for zucchini? It wasn’t just for zucchini. We were plotting and scheming a Taekwondo class at my kids’ school.

Here’s the thing: everyone in my family is a Taekwondo black belt except Little Joe. That makes me sad for him. When my daughters and I did Taekwondo, we were Sensei’s last students before he essentially retired.

I’d like to argue that, since the very last black belt he handed out was to me, he broke the mold. How could anyone top that? But I pulled him out of retirement to help me start this class.

As a quick refresher of my post, Because I go to stupid lengths for humor, I had decided to forgo my usual ratty clothes by wearing my fanciest dress for a library meeting. At our next meeting, Sensei, who likewise typically arrives in the same red sweat pants and yellow or blue T-shirt, attempted to show me up.

Sensei dressed up. And he brought more zucchini. Of course.
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A post about food! And flowers–not all of them edible.

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A post about food! And flowers–not all of them edible.
This flower looks like it wants to eat ME. Any guesses?

Y’all remember how I used to frequently find zucchini on my windshield after Taekwondo? There was also that one library incident.

Since I don’t see Sensei any more, the zucchini well has dried.

Or has it?

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Because I go to stupid lengths for humor

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Because I go to stupid lengths for humor

Like all great stories, this one begins and ends with zucchini.

Here’s what happened.

As planned, I made [read: commissioned Baking Daughter to make] muffins with the zucchini from the Senseis’ bounteous garden. I showed Sensei:

Lots of mini muffins. Hubby took some to work. Daughter took some to friends.

Sensei said, “Want to make a trade??? You need raw materials, I need finished goods.”

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Take cover!

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Cover me.

I’m going under cover.

Cover your mouth when you sneeze?

Okay, fine. I was trying to be unique and not do the standard announcement, but…

Cover Reveal!

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Yes, I am alive. And, well…

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Yes, I am alive. And, well…

Actually, I am well. I just wanted to use that title.

What’s most occupying me these days is a two-week girls’ self defense camp I’m teaching at my kids’ school. I’m halfway through and loving it. The girls are so attentive and into it. One girl showed up on day one looking the picture of, “I don’t want to be here, but my mom is making me do this.” However, she perked up quickly and was smiling throughout class. Win!

One of my daughters is helping me and is a dynamo. “I really like martial arts,” she said, and it shows.

One day we did Taekwondo kicks. Not in a position to be doing those myself, I spoke, Daughter demonstrated. Then, feeling nostalgic, she stood on one leg and threw kicks of different sorts in all directions. One student said, “Go, Elise!” And we clapped. Whichever girl she partners with I can ignore because I know Elise will help her with the moves as needed, leaving me to watch over the others.

She’s also multi-talented. For July 4th, she made mini cupcakes. Starting with white cake batter, she divided it into three bowls and put red and blue food coloring into each of the two other bowls. So, not only were the cupcakes striped red, white, and blue (and delicious), she used tweezers (washed first!) to painstakingly embellish the frosting with tiny sprinkles.

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Bonus features!

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Here are some follow-ups to previous posts.

After the one about Mrs. Instructor, she let me know she hasn’t subscribed to my blog because

Awwwhhhh… My very own stalker. Just what I always wanted.

After my Sensei goes to Singapore post, (dang, I should’ve called it that!) Ju-Lyn and I were talking about the visit. I wrote:

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The world has turned upside down

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The world has turned upside down

When Sensei mentioned he was going to Singapore for work, I responded:

Ha. Yeah right. Crazy. Buuuutttt…

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My first Jiu-Jitsu class joke

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My first Jiu-Jitsu class joke

I have old stories I haven’t yet shared, so I must take you back to my Combatives class days for a moment. Please forgive the timeline whiplash.

Instructor is quite funny, seemingly without even trying. For instance: “If you need to take someone down, be careful of what’s behind him. You don’t want to land in the street or on a baby stroller, or koala, or a cat. Be aware of your surroundings.”

I leaned to the woman next me. “Did he say koala?”

“Yeah, I think so,” she said, equally befuddled.

He weaves stuff like this in seamlessly.

Another thing he does is explain a move then ask Surfer Dude if he has anything to add. Since I was often demo partner in SD’s absence, I mentioned to Sensei that my new life goal was to be asked if I had anything to add.

Sensei responded with a characteristic insult. My first clue it was coming was when he opened his mouth. I, however, saw this as an excellent opportunity to make my first class joke.

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Turns out, you can accomplish something when you work really really hard at it. Who knew?

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Turns out, you can accomplish something when you work really really hard at it. Who knew?

Yet another previously written post, but I had good reason to delay publishing.

The writing was slowly appearing on the wall. The beginner Jiu-Jitsu class was becoming too basic. I’d lingered longer than a normal person would because I wanted to soak up every last detail.

Then when a student I’d been helping when he was relatively new earned his fourth stripe, I knew I had overstayed my welcome.

With this new resolve, after class one day, I approached Instructor.

“When do you think I’ll be ready to test?” I asked.

He looked down, thoughtful, then turned to his brother.

Surfer Dude looked at me. “Now?”

I rapid fire blinked at him.

“Yeah, do you want to do it now?” Instructor asked.

“What? Uhhh.” I had not expected this response, and I was not prepared to test on the spot.

“Do you want to watch the demo videos first?” SD asked and suggested I print the test pages which list the moves for each of the four main drills.

I agreed with this plan and left in a daze.

Before I had completed my old card, the gym’s system changed, and I got a brand new card. Remember how uptight I was about getting marks for Class 20? Turns out, it didn’t matter. I’ve got plenty of twenty now.

Having made the decision to test, I needed to prepare. The best person to help me was someone who knew enough Jiu-Jitsu to be a knowledgeable “bad guy.”

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