Book 2, Wish YOU Were Here (Not to be confused with book 1, Wish *I* Was Here), came back with edits for the first 20 pages. Remember when I went through this last time? You writers came out of the woodwork to offer your expertise.
I loved it. So let’s do it again, shall we?
The main thing this editor said was that I had too many one-sentence paragraphs, which weakens the impact when I want those quick grafs to really stand out. I get that. The challenge then was finding which short paragraphs to combine. For instance:
“How much money is it?”
“Seven thousand five hundred and eighty dollars.”
My mouth fell open.
“It’s a start anyway.” He jogged across the parking lot.
I stared after him, dumbfounded.
He gestured for me to follow. “Ana, come on.”
I shook the bewilderment off and joined him. “Keep a look out, will you?” He dropped to his knees and opened another compartment of his bag.
Everything after “How much money is it?” could be combined into one paragraph, really. But should it? I combined a few in the middle. What would you do?
Writing and Martial Arts 