Category Archives: Uncategorized

Covered in cat hair

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When I step outside to throw something in the recycling bin, I might be gone for ten minutes. My family doesn’t wonder after me anymore, because, cats.

The neighbors’ four cats want us to adopt them. Or, rather, three of them do. Callie, the oldest and wisest, with whom I’ve had stunning conversations, knows better. She thinks we’re a little unstable. Or knows that I am.

The one we’ve named Caramel now sleeps in our yard. Whenever a door or window opens, she starts meowing. I once found her asleep on a carpet square in our garage.

My youngest daughter was the first to befriend Caramel, so now, when we hear her meowing, one of us will say to her, “Your friend is calling for you.” Now my daughter sighs. Befriending a cat can be exhausting. I suggested she take her book outside so she can read and pet at the same time.

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Multi-tasking

I suspect Caramel was initially so skittish because she lives with three young boys, who perhaps are a little rough with her. Clearly, she doesn’t feel that way with Joe.

DSCN8884 (2) Read the rest of this entry →

Losing your pet spider

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“I forgot to tell you,” my husband says, “When I was in my office today, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I looked over and there was a spider on my shoulder.”

My eyes widen in horror.

“It was just a little one.”

My eyes relax a smidge.

“My first thought was to brush it off, but then I remembered this is October. I’ll just walk around and introduce it to people as my pet.”

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“Hewoo. Will you be my fwend?” [Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay]

“But then I forgot.”

Me: “You forgot?”

“Yeah. I must’ve gotten distracted. I forgot all about it.”

“So what happened to the spider?!” Read the rest of this entry →

The Predator Becomes the Prey

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I found this story in my drafts folder from about two years ago!

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Raccoon photo courtesy of Pixabay.

We spotted a raccoon. In our yard.

Normally this would be met with a little excitement, mingled with a twinge of fear as in: Don’t let the kids get close; it could be rabid.

But tonight the sight meant: We have chickens! Get that b*stard out of here!

No one said that, of course. The children, after all. But Hubs and I were thinking it.

He grabbed a stick and chased after the raccoon, which jumped on the lattice fence. As it was crawling down the other side, Hubs jabbed the stick through a hole and got the racoon in its belly. It fell the remaining two feet and scurried off.

[If you love all creatures, great and small, including chicken killers, my apologies.]

“That will keep him away. But not for long,” Hubs said.

The children went on the offensive. Armed with sticks and a surprisingly functional  homemade bow and arrow, they kept guard, marching back and forth along the fence. Read the rest of this entry →

Wrong answer

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I like to share our toddler’s accomplishments with my husband when he gets home from work. Sometimes I do so with audience participation.

Me: Hey, Joe-Joe, who went poop on the potty today?

Son: Joe-Joe!

Me: That’s right! And then who peed on the rug and Momma’s foot?

Son: Momma!

Apparently we need to rehearse before putting on the show for Daddy.

facepalm

 

If you give a child an empty wine box…

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She’ll turn it into a holder for her princess dolls.

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Rather inventive, no?

A friend shared this story about her five-year-old daughter:

Daughter: “Mommy, tell me a secret.”
Mom (whispering): “I think you are sweet and funny.”
Daughter: “Now, I’ll tell you one… (whispering) Read the rest of this entry →

This is how much my son loves me.

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When he spills water on my pants, it looks like this.

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Heart-shaped water spot. It got fatter and wider while I called for someone to grab the camera. It was actually more distinct earlier on, but you get the idea.

The other day I heard him calling me from across the house, “Betttssyyyy…. Betttsssyyy….”

Yeah, and as if that weren’t bad enough, more recently, he opened the screen door from the outside, leaned in and yelled, Read the rest of this entry →

Kids say the funniest things

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A friend came across these notes she’d written about her daughter and kindly and boldly sent me photos. She even allowed me to share them with you. Enjoy! Read the rest of this entry →

And I thought *I* was the funny one.

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My friend and her husband, having met at University of Virginia, where he played basketball, were overjoyed when VA won March Madness some weeks ago.

basketballAt the time, I sent her a congratulatory text. She wrote back that she was impressed I knew. It’s true I know and care little for professional sports, but my husband sometimes keeps me informed.

I texted back: “I care about stuff you care about. I mean, not your kids or your husband or your dog, but basketball I can get behind.”

Here I figured she must be wetting herself from my masterful command of humor, and yet, a second later, she wrote back: Read the rest of this entry →

Can you guess whose is whose?

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My thirteen-year-old daughter and I were invited by her friend and her friend’s mom to  one of those places where you paint or sculpt. We had a great time, and both came home with a painting we were fairly proud of. Until I saw mine next to my daughter’s and realized I’m no better an artist than my 8th grader. Not that I should be, but shouldn’t I be? I might even be worse.

Here are our paintings. Can you guess whose is whose? Read the rest of this entry →

50% off?! I’ll take two!

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I think this company should’ve had a focus group meeting on the name of their product. People who are interested in getting leg cramps, however, are in luck. Two for the price of one! You wouldn’t want one leg to be left out! Get cramps in both legs!

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Here’s a story I’m sharing for a particular BBB (Beloved Blog Buddy). Let’s see if she knows who she is. 😉   [If this story involved a cat, I’d mean you, Julie and Andrew.] Read the rest of this entry →