Tag Archives: substitute teaching

Making children cry

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Making children cry

Hubby warned me. But I didn’t listen.

I wanted to do a review game with the second graders to prepare them for their test. I wrote “Side A” and “Side B” on the board to tally their scores. The kids in the first desk on each side were up against each other to see who could answer the question first. Then the second desk, etc. It seemed harmless enough.

But these were seven-year-olds.

Two girls started crying when they didn’t win. Fortunately, I knew one had a freakish knowledge of Jupiter. I said, “Bonus question: what is that big circle on Jupiter called?” She smiled, raised her hand, nailed it. At least, I assume she did. I couldn’t remember what it’s called. Great red spot or whatever? Doesn’t matter. I gave her team a bonus point, and she sat up tall and smiling. Whew.

The other girl teared up at the end, thankfully, so I said, “Could you please help me pass out these worksheets?” You’d think I’d handed her a miniature live unicorn that occasionally, though cutely and discreetly, burps out bubbles and sparkles. Another crisis averted.

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Ilsa Rey is not okay

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Ilsa Rey is not okay

I am, actually. I just miss you guys. I haven’t read blogs in weeks. So, if anyone is feeling hurt, it’s not just you. I’ve abandoned everyone, but here are some brief notes to let you know I’m still alive.

First, I had a sneaking suspicion that if I bragged about my second grade conquest, I would wind up losing that control. (Pride goeth before the fall and all.) The kids are having fun in my class, but that fun translates into volume. We did a review game where, whenever their team won a point, they cheered, loudly. So, so loudly. Hubby, the master of all things classroom, taught me some silent cheers I can show them instead. We’ll see if that’s fun for them too. But fun means my authoritative position has slipped. I will endeavor to get it back.

I’ve been subbing like mad still and enjoying it. However, last period Friday, near the end of class on a stupidly hot day, a seventh grader in the front row burped loudly and obnoxiously. I was done and not having it. “Out,” I said. “Just leave.” A minute later, he opened the door and asked, “Can I come back in now?” “Nope,” I said. No regrets.

Happy subbing highlights:

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Here’s something unexpected.

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Here’s something unexpected.

To recap this past week: I had that final-final-final (I’ve lost count) draft to turn in. I did my day job. I did my new day job in the second grade. I subbed several classes. I had my annual birthday coffee date with two friends, and I stressed over prepping a speech I gave Saturday for engaged couples (postscript: the talk went well).

In the midst of this, a dear long-time blog buddy reminded me I was slated to do a guest post for her on my blog. I told her I’d need to get back to her because I was currently drowning. She graciously pushed it off till March, remembering that’s when my next book officially releases and suggesting we do a promo swap then.

Thanks a million for that, Jacqui. And everyone, if you’ve ever wondered what it was like to be a human in prehistoric times, Jacqui Murray has done fascinating research for her novels. Check them out.

Also during this week, for the sake of my mental health, I still made it to my usual Jiu-Jitsu classes, though for one, I showed up several minutes late and without my gi pants.

What a flippin’ mess I am.

Gi pants, chilling on my bed while I’m fighting my battles without them. What slackers–as opposed to slacks! Ooooh, pants pun!

Picture me slinking inside with skin-tight leggings and sitting on the bench with my gi top over my lap as Instructor is teaching. The whole line-up of students is facing me. One even waves. HRH looks at me. I mouth, “pants,” and point to my legs.

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Ilsa goes back to school

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Ilsa goes back to school

The picture and caption I posted on socials:

I didn’t plan on being a teacher, except for martial arts, but when the school had a need for a second grade science teacher, I said I’d do it. My dear mother said: “Wow, good for you!” Then: “Do you know second grade science?” Love the confidence. I think I’ll manage. Thanks.

Then everyone’s favorite Royal Highness immediately texted:

This is just one class twice a week, and I wasn’t too concerned about second grade since I’d subbed that grade several times last year.

At that point, however, I’d been used to middle schoolers. Little kids are a different species. I didn’t know the cutesy tricks the lower grade teachers use like, “Quiet Coyote” and “One, two, three, eyes on me,” to which the students respond, “One, two, eyes on you.”

Who comes up with this stuff?

But before my appointed day with the littles, I sat with their teachers at lunch to get advice, explaining I was nervous since I only knew middle school. They said, “Ohhh! Middle school! Those kids are scary.”

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Ilsa the Sub

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Ilsa the Sub

My kids’ school was desperate, so I was asked to substitute teach high school.

Teacher Ilsa. I think the fuzzy sweater really sells it.

But under the long skirt…

I literally dusted off my combat boots for this because that seemed appropriate.

The first class was physics. My mom, not a science/math person, suggested I text her if I had questions. She’s hilarious.

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