Mar18

When I returned home with the new Jiu-Jitsu belt

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When I returned home with the new Jiu-Jitsu belt

I stood at the end of the hallway as two of my girls wandered out of their room toward me. It was a delight to witness their wide-mouthed excitement as they took in my blue belt.

“You got it!” one said.

I stayed in my gi, waiting for Hubby to get home so I could likewise greet him.

When I did, he said, “I knew it. When you grabbed your belt on the way out, I almost said, ‘Do you think you’ll need that after tonight?’ But I didn’t want you to get inside your own head. Then when I got home and saw your belt missing from its usual place, I knew. You put it away because you no longer need it.” He smiled and nodded. “Somehow, I just knew you were getting the new one tonight.”

I was seriously impressed by his premonition. Then I relayed the events of the night, all of my failures and reprimands and terrible mistakes.

And it happened again.

I am not normally a crier, yet I was an exhausted, emotional wreck, shocked by the irony of the worst night ending in my greatest triumph. I was blubbering like a whale* (I just made that up) and shoving strips of napkin up my nose because we’re out of tissues. (You’re very welcome for the visual.)

“This happened, then this, and this,” all while Oldest Daughter and Hubby watched, mutely marveling at this rare display from a black and now blue–appropriately like a bruise–belt martial artist who can kill a man using just one of her legs.**

After getting all of this out, I began to remember good moments in the night’s class also.

The Taekwondo belt rack is temporarily hosting some new friends.

At the start, Instructor took me away from HRH and paired me instead with Balloon Man for the new-to-me hip throw. Despite the name, he is not light and floaty, but Instructor told me, “If you can throw Balloon Man, you can throw anyone.”

I required many pointers and had many failed attempts, but I did eventually manage to throw him. Unfortunately, I sort of half fell afterward. Still, I did it!

I also heard a “Good job, Ilsa,” for nailing the proper ballerina-toe landing when I was thrown by Balloon Man.

After this, Instructor put me with the closer-in-size Money. When I did the entire sequence: block the punch, hip throw to the ground (without falling), break the arm, Instructor said, “That was perfect.”

When I began my roll session with Money, I immediately grabbed him for a choke. Several tense seconds passed before Money managed to worm his hand into the party and dislodge my arm.

“Darn,” I said. “Good job, though.”

It was an unsuccessful attempt, but maybe I earned points for kindness?

Also, sometime after Instructor had told me to slow down and take my time, I simply relaxed for a moment and breathed.

“Good,” he said.

Unfortunately, later I kept scooting back on my shoulders, trying to escape. I didn’t understand why Instructor had been telling me to get a neck hug until I much later realized I should’ve been doing the defensive strategies we’d just reviewed two days prior. {Sigh.} Not a win, however…

Money, who came into Master Cycle several months after me, turtled up, which was a death wish.

“Don’t let her get you,” Instructor said, but it was too late. I shot one arm in over the shoulder, the other under his armpit. (Yes, yes, I know that sounds weird.)

Then I felt my lapel being tugged. “I’m grabbing my own gi,” I said with a laugh.

Points for keeping a sense of humor?

But my hands gained purchase on each other. I leaned forward, stepped in, sat down, and braced my knee against my arm for added security lest Money slip his head out of my Peruvian necktie–a move so relatively simple, I adopted it into my repertoire after only one lesson. I’ve used it successfully on Lawyer and… Instructor!

Money tapped and Instructor called time.

Group pic in honor of “Thief” (middle) receiving his Combatives belt. “Time for a family photo,” someone said.

Other minor victories were the times he told me to do something: “Get your base,” “Move your leg back,” as I was just beginning to do so. I had figured it out a half second before he started talking.

Rolling with him, I managed to wiggle out of an arm bar, no mean feat. I even clutched the back of his pant leg to delay him isolating my arm until I could find a better position from which to pull my arm free. Honestly, I’ll bet that surprised him.

And even though I had tapped to Instructor’s heel hook, I did swiftly escape one from Humble One while Instructor looked on.

I also remembered, somewhat crucially, though I wasn’t then in a state to absorb his comment, that after he asked if I had one more roll in me, Instructor said, “You’re killing it.”

How did I forget that?!

So, with a dry face, I shared these details with long-suffering, patient Hubby.

“Thank you for putting up with your crazy wife,” I told him.

“As opposed to the not crazy one?”

How did I respond to that?

That’s your next question for…

Bizarre Ilsa Trivia, here we go!

But first, in 2002, Time magazine named the Twinkie as number one on its list of Top 10 Iconic Junk Foods.

Your new question is a toughie, but it will be fun to see if any of you can guess it!

When I thanked Hubby for “putting up with his crazy wife,” and he said, “As opposed to the not crazy one?” how did I respond?

~~~

*Hubby says I was not blubbering. “Blubbering is when you’re choking on sobs and can’t talk.” He demonstrated, minus the actual crying. It was impressive. And a little funny. “You were talking just fine, and you weren’t crying that much. Okay, blubbering for you, I guess.” Fine. Apologies for the improper description.

**Me choking someone using only one leg–HRH (the Horsham railway station code in West Sussex, UK, according to Andrew) is crying foul on this because no such move exists.

UNTIL NOW!

I invented it. I call it The Broken Scissor Choke because The Scissor Choke uses two legs: one in front, one behind the person’s neck. I use one, with the back of my knee curled around the front of the other person’s throat. I have successfully submitted Viking and Humble One this way.

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72 responses »

  1. You’re response?

    “You have ANOTHER wife? I’ll kill her!“

    That’s what Mrs B says when I tell her she’s my favorite wife 😉

    And I am really glad you were able to look back and see all the good. That’s important to keep the perspective correct…

    Liked by 2 people

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    • You tell Mrs. B she’s your favorite wife?! Hahaha! Send her to me. I’ll give her some training. 😉

      Good guess. I will reveal nothing yet!

      And, yes, I’m glad I could remember the happy parts once the fog of the bad parts dissipated. Thank you. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

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  2. Years ago I knew a man who always introduced his wife of 60 years as, “This is my favorite wife.” As far as anyone can tell, he had no other wives, current, past or even future — just his one and only favorite wife. I always wondered about him.

    So I’m thinking you responded to your husband either with a neck hug choke hold or that new “Broken Scissor Choke”. And I think your husband is brave … I mean if someone walked in to my house with a newly earned blue belt, I’d be very careful to not piss them off. Maybe that’s just me.

    Liked by 2 people

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  6. Your husband is still alive, I’m assuming? 😂

    Such a wonderful welcome and response from your family to your triumph! It’s ok to have those blubbering mess moments, especially ones that are well earned!

    Your belt rack is wonderful!

    Liked by 2 people

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  12. So cool! I like your belt display rack. Unfortunately all my taekwondo belts, including the black one (even including the Dan certificate 🤦🏼‍♀️ ) got lost when we moved house almost 15 years ago, so all I got is a few very bad phone photos (pre-smartphone era 😉) from receiving the black belt. In our school of Aikido we don’t use belt colours, just white and black. And I love it, because when you are practicing with strangers at seminars you can always hide behind your white belt, nobody knows your level. Comes in handy when my brain shuts off. I can always pretend I’m a total beginner 😉🤣

    Liked by 2 people

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    • Oooh, I like that too. It’s a little harder now, as a blue belt, to not feel like I ought to know more when I don’t! I was still being helped and showed stuff last night. I clearly still have a long ways to go.

      So sorry about the loss of your belts. That had to have been disappointing, yet, they’re only things. The knowledge is what matters. Still, I feel you on that.

      Liked by 3 people

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      • Next there’s purple, brown, then black. There’s years in between each. HRH said generally 4 until purple. Maybe four from there to brown? I don’t know but probably. Instructor is on a two-years-between-each plan, but he obviously is training daily. I would not be that fortunate. I only focused on getting blue. What happens next is up in the air.

        Liked by 1 person

  15. This is awesome! I love how your family cheers for you. Although, I thought your husband was referring to the Jekyll and Hyde in you. Crazy wife one day; not crazy wife the next. 🙂

    I’m so impressed with all your belts. How long have you been in martial arts? Are the belts from one form or have you done many forms?

    Liked by 2 people

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    • Ohhh, that’s a good thought about Jekyll/Hyde. I don’t believe he thinks that about me, but clever thought nonetheless, Maddie. 😛

      I started (as an old lady) in 2021. The main ones on the rack are from taekwondo. The three hanging on the sides and on top are from Jiu-Jitsu, which I started late in 2021, but then was away from for 16 months due to injury, restarting a little more than a year ago.

      Liked by 2 people

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  19. Whales have blubber but don’t actually blubber. A small but important distinction.

    Did you really say “darn” out loud?

    You responded, ““You have ANOTHER wife? Great! I could use some help cleaning the toilets!“

    Liked by 2 people

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  24. Blubbering Betsy – I am trying really hard to picture this but I am coming up blank!!!! For some reason, in my head you are either smiling, or grimacing (while executing the most complicated JJ moves), wincing (stubbing a toe), or scowling (at the most fiercesome opponents). No blubbering anywhere.

    Liked by 1 person

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  25. Awww. You have a sensitive heart, Betsy. Your reaction is something to contemplate and grow from. The group pic was fun to see. You’re so petite! Nice to know that you’re strong and brave to take on that bunch!

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