Feb6

The funny parts

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The funny parts

My Jiu-Jitsu Instructor asked if anyone had a question. I raised my hand and asked if you could sneak a choke in from North/South when someone was turtling. (You follow all that?) “Money” was nearest, so Instructor demonstrated on him.

When he asked if there were any more questions, I asked what to do if the person’s turtle is so tight you can’t slip an arm in.

So, Instructor demonstrated with Money again, break dancing on top of him before ultimately sneaking in the choke. Meanwhile, Money’s getting his rear repeatedly handed to him.

“Any other questions?”

“I’m trying to think of one just so I can see you mess with Money some more,” I said.

He laughed. Money looked at me and laughed too. Then Instructor turned to him and said, “Next time I’ll demo with her and let you watch.”

To add a picture, here’s me taking this dude’s head off with my leg.

Do you have the time?

In a different class, I made another joke.

Instructor explained the different leg positions you and your training partner could be in. When you have equal footing, it’s called 50/50. Then he showed 70/30, 80/20, you guessed it, 90/10, and then one called 4/11 “because the other person’s legs look like the number 11, and your legs make a 4.”

Every word after that flew in circles around my head, unable to land on my ears until, “Any questions?”

My hand shot up. “Are you ever rolling with someone and say, ‘Hey, bro. You know what time it is?’ They say, ‘What?’ and you say, ‘It’s 4:11′”?

Laugh, big smile. “That’s cool. I’m going to use that.”

The admiration from the other students, too, made my cheeks warm.

Classic Instructor

Instructor showed us a guard called De La Riva. “It’s explosive,” he said. “It should be called C4, but that wasn’t the guy’s name.”

Classic off-the-cuff joke that reminded me of my early days when Instructor regularly had me… rolling. {wink wink}

The Lawyer

If the gym phone is left out, this guy will sneak a selfie. Mrs. Instructor has a catalog of unexpected Lawyer pics among her stills and vids of classes. She posts them along with the rest, and it always cracks me up.

So, The Lawyer and Thoughtful One got their second stripes on their blue belts recently. (Still surreal that I was, once upon a time, ahead of them. Now I’m still working to attain that blue belt. Life.) Anywho, on the night The Lawyer got his stripe, Malcolm called out, “That’s my lawyer!”

Knowing he’s a defense attorney, I turned to Malcolm and said, “What did you do?”

“Nothing yet,” he said. “But he’ll get that call.”

And my personal favorite…

I partnered with Mrs. Instructor, who, by the way, complains that her blog name is too boring. So, Your Majesty, I will henceforth refer to you as HRH. See if you can figure that one out.

Instructor said, “Bottom person, try to get out. Top person, try to keep the other person from getting out. One two three go.”

About 2.3 seconds later, HRH, who had been on bottom, was out. We both sat there in a moment of silence until I said, “Did I win?”

Old question: This instrument’s range is from A0 to C8. Answer: piano.

New questionS:

  1. What does HRH stand for?
  2. Which of these goofy stories was your favorite?

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72 responses »

  2. Hehehehe. good stuff! 😀

    Her Royal Highness are the usual words that go along with that, but it wouldn’t surprise me if you have done oddball thing Huper Ruper Humpty or something 😀

    So how does the lawyer guy take pix on other peoples’ phones? I thought phones were autolocked these days? Or is he like Batman and knows all the tech secrets?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓

    • Clearly, I need to come up with something more fun than the standard abbreviation for HRH.

      With iphones, you can swipe left to pull up the camera even when the phone is locked. I imagine that’s what he’s been doing. There was a time I was sitting next to HRH when she was filming. The Lawyer came by and rolled, in the most literal sense, in front of her, then popped up and shot a smile and a “Heeyyy” point back at her. It was hilarious. I love when these people surprise me with their humor. Malcolm’s joke, for instance–never saw that coming.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply ↓

  6. I see someone’s been brushing up on her Header tags!

    Everyone is going to guess Her Royal Highness. That’s way too obvious. I’m going with Hip Rad Heroine.

    My favorite story is the one you didn’t tell, about the fortune cookie and the Chevy Malibu. You know the one I’m referring to.

    Liked by 2 people

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  7. H.R. Pufnstuf comes to mind here (if a talking dragon could be considered a compliment). The headless photo was creepy enough to dwell on for several seconds, and I still want to know where the head is. Also, “gym phone”? Great idea! Is that the source of your many selfie-candids? Finally, I got all body-part tied over that first paragraph. Raise a hand, choke down, look north or south, slip an arm through… at least my equally complicated golf swing doesn’t involve turtles.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓

    • The head is back there somewhere, Dave, rolling around the floor. 😉 Mrs. Instructor errrrr H.R. Pufnstuf has taken several photos of me with the gym phone, yes, and graciously shares them for use on my blog. Sorry my terminology has your head spinning. If you were a turtle, you could pull your head into your shelf where it would be safer. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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  11. It stood out to me plain as day … you need to gather all your material together for a stand-up comedy routine. There’s no doubt in my mind that you can pull off the delivery – you’re doing it in class. You’ll make a fortune! Do it!!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓

    • You’re the third person to tell me I should do stand-up. First one to say I should do it about Jiu-Jitsu, though. Not sure how the JJ stories would go over in a crowd of non-practitioners, but I guess you all somehow manage to get past the jargon.

      How about I write a book about it instead? 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply ↓

      • Third time’s the charm. 🙂 And no. Go live. Live dangerously! I’m sure a segment on JJ within all else would go over just fine. I know nothing about JJ, and I’m laughing at your posts. There’s a delivery and facial expressions … and I can feel it in my gut that you could pull it off. My first impressions of you are that you are fearless!

        Like

      • Want to know one of my biggest fears, Maddie? Public speaking. I’ve done it. I’ve survived, but stand-up would be a different animal. I’ve made people laugh in my speeches. I hope that counts, ’cause, giiiiiiiiirrrrlllll…

        Liked by 1 person

      • LOL! I get it. I used to do training classes and sometimes speak in front of the entire company. At first it was nerve-wracking, but like anything else, it became easier with time. And yes, it counts that you’ve made people laugh in your speeches. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  19. I just love the banter and the bond you all have together and I bet your crew loves it when you ask your questions. It’s fun that you all feel safe with each other to pick up unattended phones to leave selfie gifts behind.

    Ok, I just have to ask, what does turtling mean? I have my definition and just wanna make sure it’s the same as yours. If so, it makes your post even more interesting!

    Like

    Reply ↓

    • Yes, this crew is amazing. I still need to write about the time “Pink” and I were discussing nail polish colors one moment, and a moment later, as we were grappling, I paused to note how hilarious it was that we’d just been having a pleasant conversation and were now actively trying to hurt each other. Jiu-Jitsu is bizarre, but darned if it isn’t a blast also. 😛

      Thanks for asking about turtling. I never know if people want me to get into it or just leave the terms as is. Turtling is when you’re kneeling on the mat with your arms and legs tucked in tightly and your head down so it’s hard for your opponent to catch a limb or neck to attack. But there is a way to loosen them, as Instructor showed, and there are multiple chokes you can do from there. Chokes are generally my go-to, so I’m glad I know roughly ten variations, three from turtle. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply ↓

      • Ba ha ha, definitely not the turtling I had in my mind. 😂😂😂 This makes so much more sense now.

        You’ll have to share more about the Pink incident. I love it. It’s hilarious as you said.

        Like

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