Sep1

And she’s back!

Posted on September 1, 2018 by Ilsa Rey

Did you miss me? Don’t answer that.

Did you notice I was gone?

Don’t answer that, either.

Remember months ago when I said I needed to take a blog break to work on my book? That didn’t really end up happening. I just couldn’t stay away. August 31 was my deadline, however, so I used this last month to really knuckle down. And it’s done! Hooray!

There are few things more stressful than hitting the send button when turning in a manuscript.

I’m excited about this book. It was originally “If You Keep Perfectly Still, Maybe They Won’t See You,” eliciting the image of being stalked by a T-Rex. The first Jurassic Park film taught us Tyranosaurs have poor eyesight, but see movement. It was an instructional film. The publisher felt that title was too long, however. Now we have: Be a Happier Parent or Laugh Trying.

I guess that works, too, even if it contains no practical wisdom for T-Rex attacks. Read the rest of this entry →

Jul24

The ants go marching 50 by 50. Hurrah! Hurrah!

Posted on July 24, 2018 by Ilsa Rey

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We were gone for a week. In our absence, half the ants in California moved in. With complete disregard for squatters’ rights, we annihilated (ant-ihilated?) them.

There were concentrations in the usual places with a few scouts checking out the living arrangements in other rooms. When I changed Joe’s diaper, one climbed in. I removed it, not knowing for whom the situation was worse: Joe for having a literal ant in his pants, or the ant itself, considering Joe had soiled four diapers that day and appeared to be on a roll.

The most curious and concerning area of discovery was our freezer. The integrity of our door closing system is clearly suspect. The ants didn’t get far, however. I discovered them splayed across a package of frozen chicken near their apparent entrance. The silly creatures ventured forth across a frozen fowl tundra with nary a jacket. Read the rest of this entry →

Jul11

The hidden glamorous side of motherhood

Posted on July 11, 2018 by Ilsa Rey

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My friend with three sons posted this on facebook:

Life as the Activities Director at Camp Mommy is seldom dull. Overheard this morning:

Boy 1 – “What should we do?”

Boy 2- “Let’s all get in the closet and fart. Last one standing wins.”

I’m glad I have three girls. Although, today the youngest said, Read the rest of this entry →

Jul2

Watermelon woes

Posted on July 2, 2018 by Ilsa Rey

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I have a shirt with an image in the corner of a watermelon slice being carried away by ants. Once I looked down and saw an actual ant crawling across my shirt just below that image!

My younger two girls like to pretend to grab the watermelon from my shirt and put it in their pocket to save for later. (I shudder at what a mess that would make.)

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One time my youngest was complaining about the disproportionate watermelon distribution when I got her into the top bunk. I suggested that since she was up there, I could throw her enough watermelon to equal her sister’s.

She cried, “I can’t catch them. They’re too heavy!” Read the rest of this entry →

Jun27

Buried by animals

Posted on June 27, 2018 by Ilsa Rey

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Joseph’s sisters were having fun with him and their stuffed animals.

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He doesn’t seem to mind.

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Getting a little higher…

Read the rest of this entry →

Jun19

The chicken has landed

Posted on June 19, 2018 by Ilsa Rey

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Four chickens, to be exact. As you may recall, our coop was smaller than expected, so Husband constructed a “chicken run” to give our birds a little more free range.

My youngest daughter has become one with the chickens. She spends time playing in their yard daily.

Backing up a bit, we planned to buy our chickens from the same store we bought the other supplies. Only those chickens were $20 each. I was like, uh, no. That price is fowl. (Thank you. I’ll show myself out.)

A quick craigslist search found me chickens nearby for $7 each. I called up the owner to confirm the price and that they were old enough to tell the hens from the roosters. I hung up with a triumphant smile.

Hubs was less confident. Read the rest of this entry →

Jun13

Summer jobs

Posted on June 13, 2018 by Ilsa Rey

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Every summer we come up with a new chore chart for our kids. This year maybe we’ll just follow this one someone sent me.

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Which is your favorite age-appropriate chore?

May30

“Tell us a story!”

Posted on May 30, 2018 by Ilsa Rey

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My husband gets this from our girls frequently at bedtime, even though I just read to them and it’s past their bedtime. This is how he responded tonight. Read the rest of this entry →