May16

You’re not going to believe this.

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You’re not going to believe this.

Part of my daily routine is heading to the garden to pick up fallen oranges and lemons and occasionally pull particularly brazen weeds within our garden beds surrounded by thigh-high plastic fencing to keep out Peter and his rabbit friends.

A week ago, when walking by one of the beds, with both feet on the ground, my legs wobbled. I stopped to marvel at how uneven the ground had become in that area thanks to gophers tunneling, desperate for access to the forbidden fruit guarded by tight metal netting beneath the dirt within the garden beds.

I happened to walk a different path through the garden two mornings ago and so didn’t remember that bad patch of earth as I hopped out over the fence, one foot after the other, as I’ve done a dozen times, though perhaps not in that particular spot, at least not since the recent rains deepened and widened those subterranean tunnels.

My first foot landed while the second was in the air; thus, all my weight went into the first as it buckled and crashed through a gopher subway. I yelped and toppled over, thinking, “Oh please don’t let that be something bad. Maybe I only sprained my ankle. That crack I heard was just the wooden stake that holds the fence breaking when I fell.

Only it wasn’t.

As I lay in the grass, waiting for the pain to subside, still clutching my fistful of weeds and dried up coffee filter from some plant I had previously gifted with fresh, wet grounds for fertilizer, I realized it was approaching lunchtime. Seeing a gooseberry within reach, I opened its casing and plucked out the bright yellow fruit, pleased it was the biggest sweetest one I’d had yet, only to cringe at the dirt encrusted fingers I’d used to snag it.

Golden gooseberry via pexels. The plant was a gift from an on-line stranger who plant swapped with me some time ago. Not much to do with the story, but it’s a bright spot.

Several minutes passed, and the pain diminished enough that I stood, dropping my weeds in the bin as I limped inside. After washing my hands and grabbing an ice pack, I was lightheaded and found a chair, grateful a cup with too little but at least some water was near enough for my fingers to grasp.

I removed my shoes. A portion of sock protruded on my right foot in a manner that didn’t match that of my left. The locus of pain had shrunk to the outer center of my foot. By now, I determined I had no mere sprained ankle. I also knew my foot could no longer bear weight.

Despite my wish, this was not a small matter.

Hubby did not answer my call or text, so I called the school secretary who determined his class was just ending and agreed to hunt him down for me. He came home to find me lying across two dining room chairs.

The ER visit was typical: waiting, being seen for a few minutes, more waiting, then x-rays, waiting. Finally, the results: Jones fracture of the right metatarsal. The dark line on the x-ray stretched completely across the bone, but at least what was above and below still lined up. I declined pain meds, including something described as “like codeine.”

You’re not supposed to put these directly on the skin, but hours in, the poor pack had little left to offer. No ER employee dissuaded us, nor offered a “refill” for the one we brought from home.

We waited longer, watching the clock, knowing we were pushing the limits on how long our children could be left at school (now hours after it ended) before Hubby would have to retrieve them.

Finally, an Ortho-Glass splint fitted, crutches were brought, proper usage demonstrated.

“Give it a try,” the nurse said. “They take some getting used to.” A moment later, “Wow. You’ve really got the hang of it.”

“This is not my first time.”

Discharge papers were granted. It was 4:45, the hard deadline at which Hubby would abandon me for the children, but thankfully didn’t need to.

And so, for the third time in as many years, I’m on crutches. The first time, Greg the Guitarist from the band who plays for my birthday asked how I’d injured myself. When I responded, “Jiu-Jitsu,” he said, “That’s so punk rock of you.”

Gopher hole? That’s not even classic rock or any rock. That’s just lame.

Back at home with the stylish hospital pants I was given because the pants I came in with wouldn’t fit over the cast. They’re paper thin but cozy, and I love the color.

HRH, partially keeping me online company through this, chided, “Weren’t you breaking boards with your feet a couple years ago?” and, “Quit hurting yourself to have stories for your blog.”

I wasn’t certain I could write this up, wondering if by now y’all wouldn’t believe me. Mark, on the other hand, who also happened to be communicating with me through part of this, said, “I can’t wait for the blog post.”

So, there you go, buddy. Hope the retelling was worth it.

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88 responses »

  2. You can jazz this up a little to make it less lame and more punk rock in three easy steps:

    1. Make the gopher hole a badger hole.
    2. Have the vicious creature grab your foot in its jaws, thereby breaking it.
    3. Add a foiled carjacking on the way to the ER.

    Voila! You’re welcome.

    Liked by 3 people

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  4. So, I read the title of your post and think, “I’ll believe it.” Then I read about your battle with gophers and think, “That’s got to hurt.” I can only hope that you did as much damage to the gopher highway as you did to yourself.

    and I’m glad they had pants for you, going home without pants would have put a very different ending on this post. I think you can just buy those on-line in various colors …

    and one time my father had a fall in his apartment and was taken to the hospital without his pants on. The only good part of that story is that the ER person who called me to come pick him had the decency to tell me to bring him some pants.

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    • Your poor father! I wish they had brought him hospital pants like they had brought me. There was a moment of awkwardness when I was given mine. Hubby had left to charge his phone in the car. The guy was holding them, like, “Err… did your husband leave?” I took them from him and said I could manage on my own, thanks. (I did. No falls.)

      I too have wondered what that garden area looks like now. I haven’t been back to the scene of the carnage. The lemons and oranges are probably piling up, and the spinach is way overdue to be picked. Being laid up is a drag.

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  5. Oh good gravy.. seriously!!!!! Lord, I can’t believe it and someday you’ll have a good chuckle, but not today! I’d say stick to writing, skip the martial arts.. lol 😂
    Feel better soon! So sorry about that! 💕

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  7. I second Mark’s comment. The story could really use a few more tidbits to jazz it up. The badger/gopher had your foot in its mouth like the Jaws of Life, maybe? You might want to extend the time in the ER. Maybe you took matters into your own hands demanding the doctor look at you right away! Ha, ha. No, I’m sorry to hear about your news. Hopefully it will heal quick. You might want to take up landing lessons so that you this is the las of the broken bones!!!! Hope you feel better soon.

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    • You’re right. This was far too sleepy. Would it have killed me to throw in an alien landing or two??

      Some guy at the ER came after me and got in ahead of me. I overheard him saying he was there to check on the change to his medication. I was Ticked and had Hubby double check I was next. There were several opportunities over those hours to witness the hospital’s inefficiency. Someone came to the second waiting room three times to ask for the same person who wasn’t there. Later, a guy came with exit papers for someone who had already been given them and left. Another person came to get an old lady for x-rays when she’d already had them done. What the what? Meanwhile, I’m just [not] chillin’ with my nearly room-temp ice pack.

      Do those details help liven things up a little? Other than the incompetence, everyone was very friendly. They also, however, moved VERY slowly.

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      • Friendly, schmedely, we want to hear you taking your crutches to the guy’s head because he was trying to get in line in front of you! Ha, ha. I’m kidding. I really do feel for you. Darn gopher holes. I know a guy who’s a spitting image of the gopher hole destroying grounds keeper in Caddy Shack. He’ll help blow up a few gopher holes for you!!!! 🤣😎

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      • The crutches attack would’ve been nice, but I didn’t get those until the end. Here I was sitting in a wheelchair that didn’t have the wheel handle things that enabled me to move on my own. I could only be driven. Weird. And made my trip to the bathroom more challenging. I had no choice but to hop on one foot.

        Send that Caddy Shack guy my way!

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  8. Man Betsey, as SOON as I saw the title, I knew what was coming. Does this end the martial arts permanently, or can you eventually go back? I know you didn’t want to give it up, so I’m hoping (for your sake) that you don’t have to.

    Do the gophers make little humps in your lawn? Just wondering if you could put those traps over them that get rid of them. Well, what a way to start your “weekend” 😉

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    • Oh man. I’ve trained my readers to expect injury. Swell. Haha. I have reason to go back to Jiu-Jitsu, which I’ll share in a future post.

      I’ll look into gopher traps. We’ve tried a few things over the years. Maybe even that. I can’t remember now. I’ll ask Hubby about it. Thanks for the rec!

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      • Hurray, while I know I’ve encouraged you to stop, if you don’t have to, I am happy for you that you won’t. Looking forward to that next post.

        My REAL recommendation is a scoped rifle. But I suspect with kids around, and pesky neighbors, that’s not an actual option, hahahahaaa.

        Liked by 1 person

      • That second comment is yet more evidence that you and my sensei are twins separated at birth. He has recommended a rifle (jokingly!) when I’ve complained about traffic. I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets wind of this gopher story and tells me the same thing. I’ll let you know. 🙂

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  11. Good grief! A gopher took you down? That is pure bad luck. I hope you heal quickly. I was going to text you on Wednesday from The Ocelet, but when I arrived, the place was packed. Had to pivot to another location.

    I’ve never had a gooseberry. Are the sour?

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    • Some black belt I am if I’m taken out by a gopher! 😛

      The Ocelot–the place where we met. Awwww! I appreciate the thought. 🙂 Good for them for being packed, though.

      I’d never seen a gooseberry in real life. They’re sweet actually. Apparently gooseberry jam is a thing. Who knew? Same with loquats–a fruit I didn’t know existed until buying this house and being told the strange fruit growing in the back yard are loquats. They’re sweet, too, but more labor intensive.

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    • That’s hilarious, Janis! HRH said she’s going to get me a life alert bracelet for my birthday. 😛

      Yep, if it’s not termites it’s gophers that’ll get us around these here parts. 🙂

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  15. Some people will do anything to get likes. Sorry. I couldn’t resist. I sincerely feel sorry for you. A few years ago my wife was watching one of our grandchildren try to jump rope. “Here, let Grandma show you a couple of tricks.” About five jumps in, “CRACK.” She now has a piece of titanium in her foot.

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  16. Oh no! When I saw your IG post I thought it was just a sprained ankle! This is bad 😩 See – I have always said that nothing is as dangerous than working in house and garden. Including Martial Arts and horseriding 😉 The positive side: you have a lot of time for writing now. Wishing you a speedy recovery! ❤️‍🩹

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    • Thanks, Andrea. I was hoping it was only a sprain, but, alas.

      When the doctor came in with x-ray results, he said super cheerfully, “I have your results!”

      My heart sang.

      “Your foot is broken.”

      I said, “Man, you sounded so upbeat. What a letdown.”

      He said, “Sorry. I was trying to keep a positive attitude.”

      :/

      And, yes, trying to take advantage of the forced captivity to write. 🙂

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  17. Is this the same leg/foot that was injured before?
    And ouch – not fair that this happened again and now will limit your martial arts and other life stuff. so i am sending “good healing vibes” your way.
    and sometimes it really does feel like it is always something.
    I had some minor injuries that just fully healed (around jan-feb) and then in April, I was doing some pruning – and I should have gotten the electric one for the large limbs on the crepe myrtle, but I was enjoying the workout and kept going – well I used my body to press on the tripper handles and heard a pop – and then lost my breath for a sec – turns out I lightly bruised a rib – and the first two weeks were the worst – and I thought = gosh – it is always something – and then reading about your injury had me say that again –

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    • Nope. Different foot. Decided to share the love. 🙂

      Appreciate the good healing vibes. 🙂

      Oh gosh. Sorry about your rib! I can only imagine how painful that must have been. Glad you’re healed. ❤

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      • well it was not super painful =- but the little op sound – and quick loss of breath was a little scary – and I am glad it was only a bruise – ((because if it was not – I would have been more laid up – and while in yoga I cannot do up dog and cannot do cobra – I can do most other things).
        On a side note – I am not sure if you are into supplements – but a friend of mine broke parts of her body and she was a former dancer and so she thought it was from years of wear and tear – but she also had to feed her bones and she was borderline osteo – anyhow, your bones might be super strong – but if you ever want to explore options for fortifying them – I highly recommend Costco’s Kirkland bran cal mag zinc with d3 –
        it is an award winning formula and feeds the bones….
        and many years ago – i was in a lot of healing groups because I had to strength my bio-terrain – and one of our group members was

        Liked by 1 person

      • I have a Cal, Mag, Zinc with D mix currently! Yay! And I’m definitely taking it now. I didn’t know Costco had this too. I’ll get some from there next. Might as well buy in bulk. Thanks for the tip!

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      • last comment cut off –
        but she shared that most Chiropractors often recommend calcium and magnesium (Cal Mag z-d3) supplements to support bone health, especially after adjustments because bones are alive and begin healing after the adjustment – and so all the more when you have a break – I think two tabs a day at minimum would be a huge help and something to think about for educational purposes – ha
        and another thing we have found very helpdul – magnesium butter and magnesium lotions –
        so this time – to help my rib area, I put a straigt magnesium chloride oil (bought at a farmers market in austin) on my ribs twic e aday -= sometimes I put on magnesium butter and then also bought a mag lotion – and these little external hacks are powerful for healing and fortifying the body in general –
        and one more testimony – my mom had a huge fall this spring and slightly fractured her pelvic bone (hairline fracture) – and while that sucked and took recovery time – numerous doctors were amazed she did not break a hip or knock it out – and part of her secret? she takes a good balance of supplements including a good cal-mag-zinc-d3 – and for the last five years it has been the costco one

        Liked by 1 person

      • Okay, further sold. Thank you for taking the time to write this out for me!! Appreciate that. I have never heard of magnesium butter or lotion. I may need to look into that.

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  18. Wow! Only you would have gophers taking you down. Do you think they heard you struggling for more time to finish writing, editing, etc., and decided to help you out?

    When I first read about the wobbling, I thought you might be experiencing an earthquake. And WritingfromtheHeartwithBrian beat me to it, but I was going to tell you to watch Caddyshack again. Bill Murray can show you how to get rid of those gophers!

    Seriously, take care of yourself! Heal fast!

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  20. Oh how painful and unfortunate, Betsy. That sounds and looks painful. I hope the recovery is speedy and full. 🙏 On a happier note, how cool to have oranges and lemons in your garden ready for use!

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    • Honestly, Ab, the pain wasn’t/isn’t bad. I don’t know if my tolerance is just high or I’m so used to constant foot pain this was just like, sure, add that too? A combo? I don’t know, but I’m thankful for that. But, yes, I would be most grateful for a fast and full recovery. I was warned of possible complications, which I’ll write about later.

      Truly, a house with mature fruit trees is a gift, which I know you understand. 🙂

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    • If anything, they should be after my husband. He’s the one who’s been out to get them (obviously unsuccessfully). I must have stepped into the trap laid for him. They’d better start bringing me flowers as an apology. Now THAT would be a great blog post.

      Thanks, AB. 🙂

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    • LOL, Mike. Thanks for keeping a sense of humor. When I read your story, I started to not feel so bad about mine. Hang in there, buddy. We both have forthcoming books to look forward to. Let’s focus on that and not the unimaginable mindless, endless pain… Oh shoot. The books! The books! 😉

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  27. At least you didn’t break a femur or knee or whatever happens to the people you see in wheelchairs with their leg in a cast sticking straight out. That can’t be fun, except for the excuse to “accidentally” plow into people. I’ve never been on crutches (whereas you apparently prefer them to walking). The sticks seem so awkward but maybe not, once you find the rhythm. Glad you can still get around because you’d redefine “stir crazy” if you couldn’t. Seriously, it’s time to make yourself a promise. Ankles and feet get a sabbatical from injuries. Next time break an arm.

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    • As someone pointed out, I can still type! So that’s a plus. Humans have invented ways to get around without feet. I’m grateful for that. But, yeah. My feet and ankle would appreciate a break–but the other kind! for a change. 🙂

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  29. OH NO! Those darn gopher holes. So sorry to hear about your foot, Betsy. And crutches, again. Well, you’re still a badass in my opinion. I hope you’re recovery happens quickly and you’re back on your feet soon.

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  31. Having passed the middle age mark, injuring my foot/ankle/leg is my number one fear. I have seen it be the downfall of some otherwise strong, vital people. I never cared for brand names but now I pay close attention to the shoes people older than myself wear. Take care of yourself, Ilsa!

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      • Looks up “Hokas” … they look alright. Everybody is trying to convince me New Balance is the way to go, but I do not particularly care for the way they look *** When I was teaching I used to wear electrician shoes. They look like regular tennis shoes (or whatever the parlance of the day is with rubber shoes) but they are lined with steel, waterproof, slip proof and supposedly would protect you from stepping on a live wire. Of course, very little of that was probably true, as they discontinued the line and no longer make that claim. But I told all the kids they were superhero shoes and they would all line up and take turns trying to step on my toes.

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      • This isn’t letting me reply to your comment. Ugh, WP, you beast!

        Anyway, I feel like I just read one of your posts with that story. It’s so very tref-like. Also, shoes lined with a metal… a conductor of electricity. Wouldn’t rubber make more sense? Clearly, I don’t know what I don’t know here, but it sounds suspicious.

        FWIW, I have also heard good things about New Balance, as well as Sketchers. Who knows. I’m not feeling fabulous, miraculous relief from the Hokas, but I still imagine they’re better than most shoes, especially, from what it sounds like, electrician shoes. 😉

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