Jan25

This is real stress

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This is real stress

The deadline looms for turning in my final-final manuscript of Wish I Was Here to the publisher. The feedback I’ve gotten from beta readers has been good, but that’s mostly been men in their fifties. Clearly, I need to expand my friend group.

But the harsh reality is, I should get the reaction of my target audience: teenage girls, especially ones who are well-read.

Gulp.

I needed to let my own children read this thing.

We hastened to finish our current family read, Guardians of the West by David Eddings (That’s for you, Booky), and I enlisted Hubby to do the dirty work: read my manuscript out loud so I can hear how it sounds, and, more importantly, watch my children’s reactions.

#Mortifying

But not just for me. Poor Hubby had to read sappy romance out loud to his children! There was one spot where I said, “You can just skip the rest of the paragraph.” For all our sakes.

Another time, he paused, turned to me, and said, “You know what’s coming next?” I nodded. “You want me to read that?” Sure, I said.

And so Hubby read: “There’s no way to sexy up a good nose blow.” 😛

This is the best I could find on pexels to look like my main character, Ana. The poor girl had to blow her nose at the most inopportune time. She has several comically embarrassing moments.

But seeing the personalities of my girls in their reactions to the romance was fun. One was gagging, one was annoyed (she was rooting for the other guy), and the one whose life goal is to get married and have an army of children was fine with it.

Since she came out of the womb holding a book, hers was the face I watched most closely. When it crinkled, I called a pause. “What was that face? Did that sound weird?” I asked her. “A little, yeah,” she said. I amended the phrase.

More often, however, she pulled the sides of her lips down and nodded approvingly. At one sentence I was particularly proud of, she not only made the face, she turned to me and said, “That was a good line.”

However, after the first chapter, she informed me I had used “grimace” three times. “It was Isaac, Isaac, then Ana. The first two were far apart from each other, but you might want to change the middle one.”

Approximately Isaac but without glasses (not grimacing).

Another daughter lifted her arms in irritation every time my main character takes a deep breath. She was right. I did a search: 31 deep breaths! Now there are only five. [That’s called a “pet phrase” in writer parlance, and they are to be excised.]

That amused me because in real life, I take deep breaths often. It’s probably a coping mechanism for that anxiety I supposedly have. When Hubby read that my character just wanted to lay in bed all day, he quipped, “This is clearly your mom’s voice.” And immediately after, ice cream was suggested, and the character perked. My kids laughed. “See! Definitely your mom.”

He wasn’t wrong. Also, he indeed used the word “voice” and later mentioned a “character arc.” He told me, “I’m learning so much about writing from listening to you and the girls discuss this.”

But more importantly, they caught inconsistencies like a hidden note that in one place I said was written a year ago. They called foul and pointed out that it was written in November but it’s now April. Later it was, “The mom hates to waste food. She wouldn’t have thrown those eggs away.”

Touché, my children.

At least one child (and one of those middle-aged men) fell for my red herrings. “That guy said the thing the bad guy said. He could be the bad guy,” said Youngest Daughter. Super Savvy Sister countered with, “But the main character noticed he said it, so he’s not the bad guy.” Darn her!

But the best part was their reaction to the big twist. When I’ve sent the book to others to read, I’d say, “Open your window when you near the end of chapter nine so I can hear you scream.” So, it was utterly delightful to watch all three of my girls scream.

They also laughed at spots I didn’t think all that funny, so that was nice, and choked appropriately at awkward moments for Ana.

We finished reading last night, and I somehow managed to surprise all of them with the ending.

More importantly, they really liked it.

Phew!

I was instructed to fill out a form regarding the cover art, including istock images of people who resemble my main characters. I couldn’t find what I wanted for another character, Ben, so instead I sent this:

I know at least one of you is cracking up right now.

I told the cover artist, essentially, I want this person but with shorter hair. I made Ben look like singer Eddie Vedder, my childhood heartthrob, as a joke to tease Hubby.
That my official launch day is this guy’s birthday, December 23, is apropos.

So, apparently, jambalaya is exempt from all sanitation laws in Louisiana…

Ew.

New question: This instrument’s range is from A0 to C8.

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87 responses »

  2. Not sure I’m going to be brave enough to let my family read my next book. The only bright side to that is I don’t have teenagers in the house. Even the grand daughter is in her 20’s.

    And you’re determined to make me sing aren’t you:

    “Sing us a song, you’re the piano man

    Sing us a song tonight

    Well, we’re all in the mood for a melody

    And you’ve got us feelin’ alright”

    Liked by 1 person

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    • I’ll have that in my head all day now, Andrew. But it’s a good song, so I’m okay with that. 😉 Well done with the creativity, as usual.

      How will you keep your family from reading your next book? Surely they’ll know about it and be curious, yes? But, come to think of it, I have a hard time imagining my dad or brother reading mine.

      Liked by 1 person

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  3. Kudos to you for being vulnerable to share your work with your children. I love your descriptions of their reactions. Good luck with bringing your manuscript to the finish line!

    Also very interesting to see you look at Pexels for photos of people that looked like your characters. Have you tried using a Gen AI tool to generate a photo based on your textual description?

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Having my kids read this was very scary. They have read so many good books, and I’ve heard them critique them. I knew they would be a tough audience, but they were so helpful! The sequel is still in development stages, so they may enjoy getting a little more in on the ground floor of that one. I’m so glad they liked it. Phew!

      I’m fundamentally opposed to AI. I get that it’s useful, but I hate that it takes creative jobs away from humans. I’d rather support a human. I gave character descriptions to the cover designer, so I think we’ll be able to land upon something I approve of. It’s unusual for a publisher to let the author be hands on in the cover creation, so that’s nice.

      Liked by 1 person

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  4. Wow! What a great test. I would have been full of anxiety. Cool beans.
    Since I know zero about musical instruments I am going to guess a piano only based on the fact that it has all those keys.

    Liked by 2 people

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  5. you made it through the reading and feedback from a tough crowd and lived to tell. sounds like they noticed a lot of deaitl and had good suggestions. the instrument – accordian! (i have no idea, really))

    Liked by 2 people

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  8. I commend your bravery to read your book to your children. That takes guts! Also, congratulations on your publication! That is so exciting, and after reading this post, color me intrigued. I will definitely be looking into reading it once it’s published 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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  10. This is a pre-comment.

    I cannot believe you guys are Family Reading the Mallorean. You have no idea how jealous I am. I read Eddings as a teenager, but it was on my own and my parents had zero interest in any book like that. Your kids are beyond lucky….

    Liked by 1 person

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    • As you can probably surmise, we did the Belgariad first, with some selective editing. I think I’ll need to read ahead and do the same, but more so, for the Mallorean, but, yes, they are great books! My big brother handed them to me one summer and basically said, “Here, try these.” I later read Belgarath, Polgara, and the Rivan Codex. I enjoyed them all. Big bro liked the Tamuli and Elenium better, but I did not.

      It’s nice that my kids are older, so we can read bigger books like this now. Don’t get me wrong, The Little House series is good, but moving into the Chronicles of Narnia, then The Hobbit, etc, was great. And now we’re here.

      Liked by 1 person

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  11. That is great that your husband was willing to read a teen girl book, out loud. He obviously loves you 😉

    Now, have you talked about your book to your girls so they had some idea of what was going to be coming, or did you keep it secret and this was the first time they’d had an inkling of characters, plot, etc? Now that they are officially sound boards, are they a resource to be used as much as possible, or hoarded like dragon’s treasure?

    Trivia. I cheated by asking Mrs B. I had NO idea, but she immediately made little playing motion with her hands so I knew what it was. Piano’s are such a wonderful, all purpose instrument.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Fortunately, there’s a little something for everyone: mystery, suspense, danger, explosions… Okay, just kidding on that last one. Maybe by the third book…

      I had to turn in a book description and blurb earlier, so I ran it by the girls first. There were no spoilers, but it did give them the general idea. Hopefully, we’ll head into book 2 now, so I can utilize their fabulous skills. I can feel the opening chapters are lacking something. Being on the outside, I’ll bet they’ll be able to diagnose what’s missing.

      Hooray for Mrs. B!

      Liked by 1 person

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  12. So you write a character and then try to find a stock photo of your description? That seems difficult and time consuming! Yeah, I can’t imagine my kids reading anything I wrote, especially my blog!

    What do you think of Eddie’s cover of English Beat’s ‘Save It For Later’? I hear it on Sirius all the time.

    Liked by 2 people

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    • The cover worksheet asked for character descriptions and then suggested we find photos, yeah. It’s sort of weird, but it was kind of fun.

      Do your kids know about your blog? Would they know and not care to read it? Then again, that’s my kids’ situation, but they’re kids.

      I don’t think I’ve heard that song! I’ll have to look for it. I’m not a mega fan like I used to be. I tried the last two albums, but I’m not sure I even got through them. :/

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      • No one irl knows about my blog. Well, except for you 🤣🤣🤣 My kids are nosey and would be all over it and then complain or criticize stuff I’ve posted. 🙄 They can read it when I’m dead!

        Liked by 1 person

  16. Your kids had to be fully tuned in to the story to pick up on those little details. Way to command their young-person attention spans! As for the trivia, if I’d only looked at my piano keyboard before reading some of the other comments… the “A0-C8” descriptor is a new one on me.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • It’s hard to get their attention when they’re reading a book. We generally have to say their name a few times to alert them to our presence. 😛 I would not have known the trivia. :/

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      • But the book is always better than the movie! With the exception of The Princess Bride, I’ve heard. I haven’t read the book, and I have been advised not to. Very different than the movie, I’m told, and not it a good way.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I wholeheartedly agree (tho’ I can’t state an opinion on “The Princess Bride”; neither movie nor book). Jurassic Park. The Shining. Any of Dan Brown’s Robert Langdon adventures. It just doesn’t get any better than the books!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh yeah. I remember noticing that the movie Jurassic Park left out the whole bird scene that was so great in the book. Can’t speak for the others you mention. People say you should read the book before seeing the movie, but I disagree. The movie ends up being a disappointment.

        Liked by 1 person

  18. Hopefully your daughter exited the womb holding a short book, like The Great Gatsby or something, instead of War and Peace. Ouch.

    I love the idea of posting pics of what you envision your characters to look like. It made me realize that my protagonist is a dead ringer for Amy Adams. No surprise there, given my years-long crush!

    My trivia guess was a piano. Looks like I would have won if I’d been first!

    Liked by 1 person

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  19. So smart to have it read aloud and your one daughter is a budding editor for sure. I’m always reminding writers/clients to vary their word choice and read it aloud. Even if it’s just an essay! But it’s always nerve-racking to hand something over to a reader. And hearing them laugh is the best. Well done. For today’s readers, your male characters need the fashionable alpaca haircut, though.

    Liked by 2 people

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  20. Congrats on making it to the your final revision! Feedback from one’s target audience can be quite challenging.
    By the way, did you use MS Word to prepare your manuscript? If so, you can use the “Read Aloud” feature found by clicking “Review” on the top bar. It’s amazing!

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  22. I hate throwing away food, too!
    The Husband is always very stingy with his laughs when he edits my blog posts, so it’s doubly rewarding when he laughs at a spot I find funny, and quadruply rewarding when he does it at a spot I didn’t intend to be particularly funny.
    I’m dying to know what happens at the open window scream part!
    Your daughter who was born with her nose in a book sounds like she has the makings of a great editor.
    Some women beg their children for grandchildren. Sounds like you won’t have to! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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    • YES–on the not particularly funny. Extra bonus! For me it was she “tried to breathe the way a normal person does,” and they laughed at that. I thought maybe a little funny, but LOL funny?

      Oh, yeah, the scream part is awesome. Fave part of the book, fo sho’. So glad to witness it having that effect in real time.

      Hopefully my daughter will be able to edit around babies. Maybe I’ll watch the grandkids so she can read my latest, when the time comes. 😛

      Liked by 1 person

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  25. This was such a fun read! I love how involved your whole family got with the process—and the 31 deep breaths note had me laughing because I’m pretty sure I’d be guilty of the same in my writing. Also, can we talk about how satisfying it must be to catch all those little inconsistencies before the final draft? Kind of like when I had my cabinets refaced last week—little tweaks, big difference! Can’t wait to read your book when it’s out!

    Liked by 1 person

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    • It did turn out to be a win-win even though I had been back and forth about it. I have fond memories of my husband and me scouring the little kid section of the library and bringing home a ton of books to read to the girls when they were little. I guess it was inevitable that they’d become readers. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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  27. That was an enjoyable insight-read on the reaction of your close family!
    YA is not my genre but I hope you find your audience to get you your woshed-for feedback! I can always recommend to look into the book review bloggersphere. Some are focused on YA books and you’d get an insight from strangers, which might be considered helpful as well 😊

    Liked by 1 person

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  28. This was fantastic, and you were smart to have your husband read your book aloud to your children! I would die to have this kind of feedback. Your family gave you all the things I look for in my proofreaders. But you could see it and hear it in real time! I’m so jealous. I want to send my next book to you and have your husband read it to your children while the entire thing is being filmed. Ooh … a possible new income stream for your family. … Hey, a girl can dream.

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  30. Oh wow – I knew you were brave but this is a whole new level!! I love the level of detail that they noticed and you included here. How INCREDIBLY cool it is to get their reactions – and for them to hear what an amazing writer you are. So cool!!

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