Dec27

Best laid (sneaky Christmas) plans

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Best laid (sneaky Christmas) plans

My Jiu-Jitsu instructor loves the oranges from our tree. Once I was holding a bag of them when I came in for class. “Hi, Ilsa,” he greeted me.

“Hi,” I replied cheerfully, as one does and then usually moves on. But he held his ground, looking at me with a big smile. Okay, weird, I thought.

Then he said, “Who are the oranges for?”

“Oh! You, of course.” I had figured that was a given, but he later told me he was excited, so he wanted to be sure. Ha!

I typically deliver oranges in an empty tortilla bag. Once I confused Mrs. Instructor when her husband brought home a box of crackers that was actually full of oranges. Another time, I finally emptied the last of my protein powder that had expired months prior (so much for bulking up), and thought the container too nice to toss. But what could I use it for?

Oranges, of course!

Meh heh heh.

Then there was that whole trench coat incident. Mrs. Instructor had called me an orange dealer, so I said I should bring in oranges under a trench coat.

Of course I did.

When Instructor’s birthday arrived in October, I felt bad that our oranges weren’t ripe yet. I told Mrs. Instructor I’d have to give him some for Christmas instead. She responded:

And so I have!

And yet, a trench coat for Mrs. Instructor seemed in order. So, I went to work, scouring all of… two thrift stores to find one. The first store was a bust. At the second, I found one, but it was a weird cantaloupe peachy orange color, totally not her style. I kept looking until I found this:

Way more her punk rock style, though not exactly a trench coat. It was a difficult decision to either go with the legit trench coat, though ugly, or something slightly off, but cooler. I hope I made the right choice.

When Christmas neared, I boxed and wrapped the jacket, including a note saying, essentially, “Pretend this is a trench coat.”

Mrs. Instructor and I plotted and schemed heavily for how and when to best get the oranges to her with Instructor being none the wiser. We accomplished this via another park date on Christmas Eve-Eve. (No nudity involved this time.) She had even worked out where to hide the box before safely slipping it in amongst the gifts.

When I brought Mrs. Instructor’s gift to class on a night she wouldn’t be in attendance, I asked her husband to likewise hide her gift until the appropriate time.

“Okay, sure,” he said, smiling.

Later that evening she texted, “Is what Instructor brought home… the oranges?”

“He is so fired,” I said.

“He walked in and said, ‘This is for you.’ I asked, ‘From Ilsa?’ He said, ‘You aren’t supposed to know that.'”

Face palm, anyone?!

Whatever. When Christmas arrived, he got his surprise.

Mrs. Instructor sent me a video of him opening them. I took a screen grab and then had fun with Canva.

She also sent me this:

“Never did I expect that!” she wrote.

Looks like there’s a new orange dealer in town!

I hope you’re all enjoying holiday time with loved ones! Anyone get any unexpected gifts?

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50 responses »

  2. Like WWI, in a trench coat. Bucking present norms like a billy goat.

    Swimming in secrecy like a full moat. Gift liked so much, you gotta gloat.

    Hey mister, wanna buy an orange? I’m swingin by like door hinge.

    Sweetness injected like a syringe. Been to Wales to see the Blorenge?

    Rhyme so bad you need a lozenge. Don’t forget the best is grunge.

    We’re off track, Jack, let’s get back.

    There’s a new dealer on the block. Coat so black it’s gonna rock.

    Oranges so sweet it’s gonna shock.

    But only one can run this lap. In over her head, gonna need a map.

    It’s a sticky mess, a load of sap. Gonna win this one, and make em tap.

    And since Christmas is past, that’s a wrap.

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  3. I love reading stories like this. Surprises are great. We had a regular gift exchange and a white elephant exchange. The gift I gave last year was actually my best. I took a pair of metal shears and cut a bunch of coins in half and wrote this note about how I have been hearing about people getting rich on Coinbits.

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    • Once I passed along the container, whatever happened to it after that is not on my conscience. I hope it was recycled. I try to give things second lives, hence the usual delivery method of emptied tortilla bags or cracker boxes. 🙂

      Maybe you should just get an orange tree, tref. 😉

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  6. That was a fun surprise for him under the tree! And wow, nice find at a thrift store!

    My husband wrapped up a gift for me that looked so weird . . . like a miniature canoe. It turned out to be a long box (with the top cut off) of mini champagne bottles. I was surprised!

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    • It was a good thrift store find. After being dissatisfied with the trench coat they had there, I said a little prayer I’d find something better suited for her. I know the sleeves are too long, but maybe she can roll them. Anyway…. awesome about the champagne bottles! That sounds likes fun. Are you going to try them all on NYE?

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  7. Most men are terrible at surprises, LOL. Mine can keep a secret better than most. Must be why he hasn’t lost his security clearance. Yet. The whole trench coat thing is hilarious.

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    • Thanks, Autumn! And what is UP with my blog not showing up in Reader again? I tried to look into that, but the “help” wasn’t very helpful. :/ I’m also annoyed that I need to sign into my blog every time. That’s relatively new. Shrug.

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    • However, you COULD wear one to dig a trench. Kind of seems like it would get in the way, though. Plus, you’d get hot from the work… Why ARE they called trench coats?

      Can you ever have too many socks, Andrew, especially where you live?

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      • Trench coat: From WWI, a coat worn by soldiers in the trenches of France. I doubt they liked digging trenches wearing them either.

        and my sock drawer runneth over — any more socks and I’ll need to get another sock drawer.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh, so they WORE them in the trenches. Okay, that makes sense. Doy.

        I guess people don’t know what to get for the man who has everything. Though, maybe, what, a new lathe? It could help you build that second sock drawer.

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  14. Well, you know how I feel about your oranges! If there was a California Navel Academy, I’d join just for the fruit!

    Sorry about missing this one. Like others have said (and you mentioned), it did not appear in my reader. It still doesn’t, even going directly to the date you posted it.

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  15. Loved the photos of Mr. and Ms. Instructor with their gifts. She’s obviously much better at the surprise part of the surprise. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and wish you and the whole gang a wonderful new year with no broken bones. 🙂

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  16. I was wondering why I haven’t seen a post from you in a while – turns out it wasn’t showing up in my stream! 😆 WP has been glitchy in a way.

    Orange you glad I checked in? 😂

    Homegrown and homemade gifts are the best and it’s nice you can give these oranges to your colleagues and find ingenious ways to do so. The protein powder container was clever although the weight would’ve given it away!

    Do you juice with your oranges? I can see that being a hit with your friends too!

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    • Oh, the orange joke. I’m tempted to groan, but I’ve totally used it myself, so… 🙂

      Instructor knew right away the muscle milk was oranges. When he brought it home and set it down, Mrs. didn’t know. He told her to open it, so she found the note, which was a surprise to him as well. 🙂

      Yes, we do juice them on occasion, but that’s kind of a lot of work. :/

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  18. You make quite an orange dealer, complete with the pleather trench coat. You’re always fun of surprises! Wait did Betsy move to Ilsa? I remember when you changed your site name but now I’m confused. ❤️❤️

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  19. Thanks for the second look at the first photo. At first glance I thought it was two women hugging (look carefully) and the one facing away from the camera might have been you? Anyway, two more legitimate thoughts for you. One, was your trench coat already in your wardrobe or did you have to go thrift shopping for yourself as well? And two, I have plenty of empty tortilla CHIP bags if you need them for future gifts of oranges. Tortilla chips… my healthy diet destroyer… sigh…

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    • Undoubtedly there are less healthy snacks than tortilla chips, if that makes you feel any better. Pair it with salsa and you’re eating vegetables! My tan trench coat I owned already, thankfully.

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