Oct29

Building a winning costume

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Here’s a little how-to for your costume-construction needs. Follow these steps and you, too, can have a prize-winning costume with little effort on your part! [Warning: Results may vary for spouses.]

Step 1: Receive a text from Beloved Neighbor about a Halloween event in your town, which includes a costume contest at a brewery.

Step 2: Tell Hubby, I want this* costume. You have a week. Get moving.

*Rather than tell you what the costume is, I’ll show you pieces and see if you can figure it out.

Step 3: Lounge at home while Hubby makes multiple trips to Lowe’s. Upon his return, increase your music volume to drown out the obtrusive sounds of him sawing in the garage. (So rude.)

Step 4: With a few clicks, order his accompanying costume on Amazon. Dab the sweat from your brow after heroically completing this arduous task.

The accompanying costume.

Step 5: Turn the music up again. Wonder, “Isn’t he done with that saw yet?”

Step 6: Listen vaguely as he describes his difficulties in visualizing and completing the simple task you set before him while wondering how loud you can crank the music before he takes the hint and goes back to the garage.

This step is repeated multiple times.

Costume in progress. Any guesses yet?

Step 7: Insist that you do part of the easy, fun work so you can show your blog readers how cool and helpful and capable you are.

Remind Hubby that he needs to get you in the shot to prove your benevolence.
That’s better.

Tip: Be sure to take your finger off the spray paint nozzle before patting yourself on the back. [Optional: Wipe sweat from your brow again.]

Step 8: Create your accompanying headgear.

Also in progress. Who has figured it out now?

Step 9: Rob your children’s bathroom of an essential item.

Step 10: Don your gi and hit the town.

Step 11: Bask in the glory and adulation of random strangers you meet on the street. I’m talking, as soon as you set foot on the sidewalk.

First it was a woman saying, “Awesome costume!” Then a man pointing and shouting your character name. Warning: children will stare up at you, smiling in awe and wonder. Random strangers will ask to take pictures of you or get pictures with you. (This happened many times. I’m not even joking.)

A local reporter stops you for a picture saying, “Our city needs this right now.”

A man, probably intoxicated, tells you your costume is “F***ing amazing!” and gushes like this colorfully for at least a minute. Later you pass him again, and he renews his tirade, I mean, admiration. Though not evidently in costume, you piece together that he is an F-Bomber pilot in disguise.

A teenage boy says, “Oh, I get it,” and nods in approval. Others shout your character name and you yell “Hi-ya!” back in their general direction.

Be absolutely delighted to run into an old friend from your Jiu-Jitsu days. He takes a picture of you, hugs you, and inquires about your injury recovery. You kick yourself later for not getting a picture with him.

Pause for more pictures, hear “Hell ya!” shouted to you, wave at more children, return smiles to strangers, and head to the brewery hosting the contest.

Make it to the final three with ease. Doc Ock from Spiderman makes your nervous, but the store-bought Beast from Beauty and Beast doesn’t stand a chance.

Doc Ock makes arm gestures indicative of his character when it’s his turn to be cheered for, as volume was the crowd’s method of voting.

You feel pressured to do likewise, so you throw some karate chops and only feeble kicks so as to A) not unbalance yourself and smash your, I mean Hubby’s, hard-earned costume B) not let on that you know some stuff for fear of being asked for a demonstration (but in case you are, be ready to quip: “Do you have any ice blocks?”), and C) just do enough to get the job done.

Step 12: Get the job done.

Doc Ock congratulated and fistbumped me, inquired if I go to ComicCon with that costume, and asked for a picture with me. He also exchanged construction stories with Hubby. He had a mighty fine costume himself, and I felt sort of bad for stealing the win from him. He and the Beast also won prizes, though.

I was handed a $20 gift card to a health food store I occasionally patronize and a $25 gift card to the brewery.

The couple we attended with is the same couple with whom we won trivia. This place hosts trivia on Tuesdays at 7. We’ll be back for it.

It was also fun that when we scouted for unused chairs and pulled a few from a table, the couple sitting there said, “Or you can turn them back around and join us.” So we also made new friends. All around, a delightful evening.

Look how easy his costume was, the lazy bones. Yeah, I know that was weak. I should put some muscle into it.

Okay, so at which step did you figure it out? 🙂

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80 responses »

  6. Welp, I never guessed it. But I see in the comments you were The Karate Kid. I saw the movie when it originally came out but I have no memory of it besides the old guy and Ralph.

    Congrats on the win! That’s awesome. We went to a brewery Friday night that was having a costume contest later in the evening. The employees were all dressed in Alice in Wonderland costumes and looked great.

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  16. Great costume! Incredible creativity and execution. I’m sure a lot of winning the costume came with your ability to carry it off. Nice work, Betsy! I guess Karate Kid but the shower threw me off. I don’t remember that part. You’ve officially gotten a black belt in Halloween – and it hasn’t even happened yet! Wow!

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  20. The first photo of the PVC had me thinking “angel” (halo) with your husband as a devil. Utterly unoriginal thinking, esp. compared to your actual choice. Totally spaced the KK shower costume (like several other readers) but the couple of scenes with it came right back to me. Don’t want to know how long ago that movie was made…

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  22. I love it, Betsy! One word and your Lovely Man gets to it and builds whatever your heart desires!

    As always, you’ve got me in stitches! I’ve missed catching up with you in this space (blame Japan!). I have to be honest though, although i figured out karate kid, I was mystified by the shower – I had to search through Youtube to remind myself of the dance scene. It’s time to rewatch the movies.

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    • You mean not all husbands make wearable showers for their wife at the drop of a hat? Hmm. Sniff.
      😉
      Thanks, Cheryl! And what do I feed him? My secret is marrying someone who will eat anything, no matter how poorly I cook it. 😛

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  26. Love it, Betsy. My family always asks me for suggestions but only a few have ever dared follow through. My suggestion this year was a simple one: dress nicely, a little upper class. Tobacco pipe. Tweed cap. And (rubber) fish sticking out of every available pocket. The result: “man taking his fish out for a walk in the park on a lovely autumn evening.” And congrats on the victory, B. Well done.

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