Dec12

Your best blog comments and other sordid tales.

Posted on by
Standard

Actually, I’m iffy on the sordid tales part, but we’ll see where this post takes me.

Ally Bean sometimes shares reader comments in her posts, which I think is a great idea. I’ve never done it, but Andrew’s comment on my wheelchair post deserves a wider audience. In his hilarious “Friday Wisdom” style, he wrote:

“My brother is a long time wheelchair user and I’m an outstanding wheelchair wrangler so here are a few tips for a better life with a wheelchair:

  • Get the foot rests. You can point them straight out and use your chair to ram things, doors, chairs, children, etc.
  • Carpet your walls – this hides the damage better.
  • Furniture is for people who don’t have wheelchairs – remove the pieces you don’t need.
  • Upgrade your baseboards to stainless steel, you won’t have to repaint as often.
  • Never let your husband push you when he’s mad at you. You’ll end up having your feet smashed into a door frame and will have to start the healing process all over again.
  • There are wheelchair races and other sports to consider – the martial arts version is just to learn how to use the foot rest as a weapon (it’s easier than you think and why I have a slight limp in my left leg).
  • Try going backwards in the chair. Then you can use your good leg to kick yourself down a hallway at high speed and if you crash, it won’t be feet first. [Editor’s note: so wise!]
  • You do need more stickers and perhaps a flag. One of those bike flags is nice, but do something custom with it – maybe a Jiu Jitsu flag or one of your belts.
  • And finally, laundry with a wheelchair is a snap, just put the laundry basket on your lap, point you back towards the laundry room and start kicking with your good foot. After you crash, you, the laundry and your chair will be right next to the washing machine.

If you need other tips, call me, I’m here for you.”

Andrew IS here for me when I need a good laugh. Thanks, Andrew!

And then there’s Barb from Grandma’s Ramblings, who shared some real life experience:

“Your wheelchair reminds me of when I was going through chemo. My husband got a wheelchair so he could take me to the mall and I could see the Christmas decorations (just too weak from chemo to walk a great distance.) We were coming out of the mall and my husband was hanging on tight to the wheelchair as we had to go down a slight incline. A grandmother with her little grandson (probably 7 or 8) were approaching as we were going down. The little boy looked at my husband and said, “Let go of her.” His grandmother immediately tried to hush him, but my husband and I had a good laugh.”

Ah, kids. Such little stinkers!

Okay, I do have a couple of “sordid” tales for you. First, this very rude Wordle:

Also, the ridiculous amount of questions I was asked prior to a telehealth appointment included:

Thanks to Mibryant of pixabay for the image.

“Do you use tobacco?”

“No,” I could say confidently.

“Any caffeine products?”

“I have coffee every morning.” (That seemed safe enough.)

“Alcohol?”

“On occasion.”

“Hard liquor, beer, wine?”

“Erm… all of the above?” [Nervous laugh.]

She chuckles. “It’s okay. When was the last time you drank alcohol?”

“Uhm, last night. I had orange juice with vodka.” Darn my husband for bringing orange juice home from work. What ELSE was I supposed to do with it? Drink it straight? This isn’t a pancake breakfast at IHOP!

“Normally once I week,” I tell her hurriedly. “Just once a week!”

She laughs and again tells me it’s okay.

Perhaps I should have bought this T-shirt I once came across and sent a pic of to my friend:

She wrote back: “May?”

And finally, what you really want to know is my response to Sensei asking if my latest book was about him. There were some good guesses:

“It’s always got to be about you, doesn’t it?” (A valid response.)

“As a sensei, you should have already known it was coming.” (Also true.)

“You’re so vain.” (Musical and true.)

“No, you don’t have any friends who would buy it.” (That’s cold! I like it.)

“No, it’s about an arrogant, unfeeling . . . .wait.” (Super clever. Wish I’d used it.)

“That wouldn’t have made any sensei.” (Bonus points for puniness!)

“In your dreams!” (Definitely.)

“Sure, what else could it be?” (I like this one because it would confuse him. 😛 )

“Sorry, it’s about this super cool blogging friend I know named Mark.” (Nice try, Mark. You’re as bad as Sensei.)

“Well you know, assume makes an ass out of you and me.” (Very true, and I’ve wanted to call him that many times but for my children present.)

“Of course, because it’s a horror novel.” (This one is the winner because it’s the closest. Well done, Wynne!)

What I actually said in response to Sensei’s “I assume it’s a book about me?” is:

“I don’t write horror.”

Thanks so much for playing! I’d send Wynne a prize for being the closest, but she already got her Betsy tattoo, and I can think of no better prize. (Oh, man. Now I’m starting to sound like Sensei!)

Hooray to Wynne! She’s the Wynner! 😉 I’m so proud she knows me so well. Or we think alike. Either way. 🙂

Discover more from Writing and Martial Arts

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

54 responses »

  3. What a funny post! Of course, I’m going to like since I won and have had the joy of having a Betsy tattoo!!

    But those wheelchair stories and the responses – oh so clever!! Thanks for the Monday laughs, Betsy!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓

  7. Way to go, Wynne!
    Ironically, I spent all morning yesterday trying to figure out how to do a Teledoc call for the future so I can avoid another ER visit. The confusion is that there are 3 different ones mentioned in my spouse’s HR booklet. Even the insurance company seemed confused when I did a live chat. I guess I’ll see what happens if I ever need it, but I’ll be sure to not drink alcohol beforehand🤣

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓

    • Hahaha. Sorry for your trouble, Bijoux. But, yes, not drinking alcohol before a dr. visit is wise. I wish I had known I would be asked that! Why did I have to have a drink just the night before? Gah! If it had been a glass of wine, that probably would’ve been okay. But a screwdriver? Sheesh.

      Like

      Reply ↓

  12. Thanks for all the kind words about my comment – a whole post about comments, love it!

    And you likely know that I’m an expert on “Screwdrivers” as the vodka and OJ drink has been called. It got its name many decades ago when a Air Force airplane pilot and his ground crew we sitting around the hanger after a flight. One guy had a bottle of vodka they were going to pass around when the said it would nicer if they could mix it with something and someone found some OJ in the coffee room. They proceed to pour coffee mugs of OJ and vodka but couldn’t find a spoon anywhere. At that point one of the mechanics pull a screwdriver from his pocket, washed it off and they used that to stir the drinks.

    and from then on, the drink has been known as the screw driver.

    Ask me anything, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll make one up. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓

      • Variations of that story have been floating through modern mythology since WWII, always with the same basic elements – someone had vodka, someone had OJ and the only stirring implement around was a screwdriver. A google search always leads to the most recent most credible (usually a newspaper or magazine) teller of the story. How I retell the myth varies with audience and how much vodka I’ve consumed. Is it true? Yes, I do sometimes drink vodka, the rest is just fun.

        You can always say, “According to Andrew, the screwdriver got its name decades ago when …” so the source is me … 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  14. Dang, Andrew has the writing voice that I so seek. It’s this effortless humour that I’m working so hard to cultivate, which kinda defeats the process.

    But I think I’ve now discovered a new side hustle on WordPress, and that’s to be mentioned on your blog for best comment. *cracks knuckles*

    Anyhoo, posting reader comments is a great idea indeed. It definitely ups the fun factor and keeps the communication going two-ways. Thanks for this inspiration!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓

    • It is totally fun. Something I should’ve started long ago.

      Cracks knuckles. Haha.

      “effortless humour that I’m working so hard to cultivate, which kinda defeats the process.” Love the oxymoron here. 😛

      Like

      Reply ↓

  16. “Let go of her” 🤣😂 hahaa Andrew’s comments are hilarious too! Just to be clear, I would never let my husband push me in a wheelchair, good day or not LOL he’s the dangerous type of man that wonders, “what would happen if I did this?” all.the.time…. no.thank.you! lol

    I’m catching up backwards so I assume you’re currently in a wheelchair :/ boo

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓

  17. I had a client that had cerebral palsy and when I took her to a fair, festival etc. we always used her chair. I was trying to get her over a curb by pushing her up and I just couldn’t do it. Then someone came to me and said here, let me help. They turned her around and went up backwards! I was so embarrassed as I had no idea and my client was laughing her butt off. Lol

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓

    • Ha! Well, it’s nice that you gave your client a good laugh! 😛 Although, in that situation, I would have been afraid that she would’ve slid out of the chair going up backwards. Apparently not though. And now we both know! Thanks for sharing that, Diane! 🙂 🙂 And how sweet that someone came up to help.

      Like

      Reply ↓

  18. Pingback: Message in the cold – A Silly Place

  22. Pingback: On Blogging and Buddies | Motherhood and Martial Arts

  23. Pingback: July Reply: Answering YOUR Miscellaneous Questions + My Conclusions About Doing This Project [AMA Part 3 Of 3] | THE SPECTACLED BEAN

Leave a reply to Bijoux Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.