The winner of The Great American Bake Off is… Part 2

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Now that my husband and three daughters are at a Christmas pageant, and I have the wonderful excuse of staying home with a sleeping baby boy, I can give you Part 2! (If you missed part 1, you can find it here.)

Backing up a bit, since my laughing mother kindly reminded me that I forgot this tidbit: The night before Thanksgiving, the girls and I made pumpkin bread to have for breakfast Thanksgiving morning. Baking with the girls is stressful. They are adamant about having an equal amount of tasks to do.

“You crack the egg, then I’ll put it in, and she can break it with the spoon.”

“We need one and half cups of flour, so how about we each do a half cup?”

“You hold the measuring cup while I pour and she stirs it in.”

I kid you not. And four people crowding around the counter (me to supervise) is a mess. It didn’t help that we were pushing up against bedtime, so I was trying to hurry.

With these girls, hurrying is not in their vocabulary. That preheat oven step needs to come, like, 7th next time, because the oven was ready to go looooong before the batter was in the bread pan.

To make matters worse, my thawed pre-packaged bag of mashed pumpkin wasn’t quite enough, so I had to borrow from the bag for the next day’s pie–an issue I’d sort out later, darn it, just get the bread in the oven already!

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Finally, the oven door shut and the girls were scooted off to bed, with the torturous smell of baking pumpkin bread wafting down the hallway.

The next morning, as we enjoyed our delicious bread, I searched for the bags of pumpkin I needed for my pie. They were nowhere in the fridge. I checked the counter, the sink? Nada. Read the rest of this entry

The return of the Chex Mix Guy

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Just a quick note to tell you Chex Mix was on sale for 99c again. I grabbed a dozen, plus a few other things, and got in line at the store. Lo and behold, The Chex Mix Guy was the cashier.

How appropriate.

“I cleaned out your Chex Mix supply again,” I said with a wry smile.

“Uh-oh, you again. Do you need me to check in the back for more?” Read the rest of this entry

The winner of The Great American Bake Off is…

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Not me. So very not me.

We spent Thanksgiving with my in-laws. Last year I brought a pumpkin pie. In the past I’ve made the crust from scratch, but that time I decided to go store-bought.

Why do frozen pie crusts always come in packs of two?

So I made up the pie mixture with pumpkin from our jack-o-lanterns. (A friend asked, “Were they cooking pumpkins?” “Uum, no…? But they’ve always worked before.”) I poured it into the frozen crust.

Apparently you’re supposed to pre-bake the crust before you bake it as a pie?!

The inside of the pie was done, but the crust was hard and raw.

Oops.

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Doesn’t that look good? It probably is. Because I didn’t make it. Thanks, pixabay.

Read the rest of this entry

Can you hear me groan from there?

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My daughter decided to give her brother peanut butter. Then she called me: “Mom, Joe needs to be cleaned up.” Read the rest of this entry

Birthday Bashing

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On my birthday, one of the girls asked for a bedtime story. So naturally I said, “Thirty-nine years ago today, the most wonderful mom in the world was born.”

My husband added: “And so was Betsy.”

(Reminiscent of the famous choosing a cat story, don’t ya think?)

Hubs texted me that day: “Do you have a cake?”

Me: “No.” I mean, if I had one, I’d have had to bake it myself. So, clearly no. Which was fine with me. Just show me to the nearest ice cream. But he said, “No wife of mine isn’t going to have a baked good on her birthday.”

He turned up after work with six mini fruit pies from Walmart. Fifty cents each.

Who says the romance is dead?

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You’ll note there are only five pies pictured. The sixth, an additional apple pie, was left out. That’s my husband’s favorite. He bought two of those. I’ll leave you to draw your own conclusions.

I leaned to the side so as not to mar the view of my single candle (to reflect the age I act) and my little “Happy Birthday” sign.

And I missed the Read the rest of this entry

This is what happens when I shop without my husband.

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I get silly and perhaps slightly whimsical with my children and buy junk like this:

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It was cute and only $2. That should’ve been my first clue. It works as well as any $2 potato peeler would, that is, not at all. But, at least it was only $2!

And also this: Read the rest of this entry

The story of the Chex Mix guy

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Chex Mix is delish. I especially like the cheddar flavor. And let’s not forget Turtle Chex with its chocolately goodness. So when the CM, as the cool kids call it*, goes on sale, I pounce.

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[*No one calls it this. Definitely NOT cool kids anyway.]

The grocery store advertised Chex Mix for $1.99 for the Family Size bags. I was all over that. But the only bags on the shelf were of the smaller size, NOT on sale, for something absurd like $3.99.

Umm, no.

However, there was no Family Size to be found. A worker looked everywhere and confirmed this.

I said, “So I’m not crazy.”

He said, “Well, we’ve established that you’re right about the Chex Mix, but that doesn’t prove you aren’t crazy.”

I was rather shocked, first of all by his wit, which made me LOL, and secondly that a comment like that was “allowed.” Doesn’t it fly in the face of “the customer is always right” mentality? I didn’t mind of course, as I love a good laugh.

His solution to my dilemma was to sell me two of the smaller 8 oz. bags at the cost of the as-advertised-but-nowhere-in-sight 15 oz. bags.

I grabbed 12.

At check-out, Read the rest of this entry

And she’s back!

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Did you miss me? Don’t answer that.

Did you notice I was gone?

Don’t answer that, either.

Remember months ago when I said I needed to take a blog break to work on my book? That didn’t really end up happening. I just couldn’t stay away. August 31 was my deadline, however, so I used this last month to really knuckle down. And it’s done! Hooray!

There are few things more stressful than hitting the send button when turning in a manuscript.

I’m excited about this book. It was originally “If You Keep Perfectly Still, Maybe They Won’t See You,” eliciting the image of being stalked by a T-Rex. The first Jurassic Park film taught us Tyranosaurs have poor eyesight, but see movement. It was an instructional film. The publisher felt that title was too long, however. Now we have: Be a Happier Parent or Laugh Trying.

I guess that works, too, even if it contains no practical wisdom for T-Rex attacks. Read the rest of this entry

The ants go marching 50 by 50. Hurrah! Hurrah!

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We were gone for a week. In our absence, half the ants in California moved in. With complete disregard for squatters’ rights, we annihilated (ant-ihilated?) them.

There were concentrations in the usual places with a few scouts checking out the living arrangements in other rooms. When I changed Joe’s diaper, one climbed in. I removed it, not knowing for whom the situation was worse: Joe for having a literal ant in his pants, or the ant itself, considering Joe had soiled four diapers that day and appeared to be on a roll.

The most curious and concerning area of discovery was our freezer. The integrity of our door closing system is clearly suspect. The ants didn’t get far, however. I discovered them splayed across a package of frozen chicken near their apparent entrance. The silly creatures ventured forth across a frozen fowl tundra with nary a jacket. Read the rest of this entry

The hidden glamorous side of motherhood

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My friend with three sons posted this on facebook:

Life as the Activities Director at Camp Mommy is seldom dull. Overheard this morning:

Boy 1 – “What should we do?”

Boy 2- “Let’s all get in the closet and fart. Last one standing wins.”

I’m glad I have three girls. Although, today the youngest said, Read the rest of this entry