Category Archives: Mrs. Instructor/Her Royal Highness

Mar16

It was my worst Jiu-Jitsu class ever…

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It was my worst Jiu-Jitsu class ever…

First, I got reprimanded for inadvertently insulting Balloon Man. When I lifted my head to explain, Instructor pushed it back down, silently saying, “Stop talking; do the move.” But at least, from what I glimpsed, Balloon Man did not appear insulted.

Nevertheless, I needed to keep mentally changing the subject afterward because being reprimanded by Instructor, which has happened three times now, makes me want to cry. I hate disappointing him.

Then it was roll time, and Instructor and Balloon Man sat right next to Money and me. I can barely function when I know he’s watching. I even said, “Do you really have to sit right there watching?”

“Just roll,” he said.

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Mar12

“Looking blue”

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The week’s Jiu-Jitsu focus was heel hook escapes, particularly from 4/11 position. In other words, “How not to get your ankle or knee broken.”

Instructor came over to watch me on my first attempt. There was a lot of, “Freeze. Go back”–my three most-feared words. Once I finally got it, he said, “Great! Look at you! You conquered a 4/11 escape!”

When he walked away, I said to his wife, “Okay, what is this? The kids’ class? I’m not that fragile.” It was practically a head pat and a “Good Ilsa!”

Who’s a good girl?! (random AI dog pic from Pixabay)

Sadly, I was not given a treat.

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Mar2

You should see the other guy

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Given that our recent focus in Jiu-Jitsu has been all things lower extremities: heel hooks, ankle locks, knee bars, and now toe holds, I’m not surprised by how colorful my skin has become from the knee down. This adds to the near-omnipresent arm bruises.

But one night before class, I considered how cool it would be to have a black eye. I’m all about new experiences; why not this one? I’ve thought this a handful of times, so the only reason it’s unique now, is that I sort of got my wish.

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Feb6

The funny parts

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The funny parts

My Jiu-Jitsu Instructor asked if anyone had a question. I raised my hand and asked if you could sneak a choke in from North/South when someone was turtling. (You follow all that?) “Money” was nearest, so Instructor demonstrated on him.

When he asked if there were any more questions, I asked what to do if the person’s turtle is so tight you can’t slip an arm in.

So, Instructor demonstrated with Money again, break dancing on top of him before ultimately sneaking in the choke. Meanwhile, Money’s getting his rear repeatedly handed to him.

“Any other questions?”

“I’m trying to think of one just so I can see you mess with Money some more,” I said.

He laughed. Money looked at me and laughed too. Then Instructor turned to him and said, “Next time I’ll demo with her and let you watch.”

To add a picture, here’s me taking this dude’s head off with my leg.

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Jan21

Dance Battle Jiu-Jitsu

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Dance Battle Jiu-Jitsu

It was time to roll. Instructor turned on music.

And I started dancing. 

Typically, for this to happen, I have to be very comfortable with the people around me. So me dancing at Jiu-Jitsu… What the heck was that?!

For starters, it was, at best, some weird kick thing reminiscent of Elaine from Seinfeld.

I was her stunt double for this scene.

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Jan5

The Last Bookstore

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The Last Bookstore

The Last Bookstore in L.A. is where our family went over Thanksgiving break. (Maybe, eventually, I’ll get around to posting about our Christmas break).

But before I get to that, a followup to my “Best laid (sneaky Christmas) plans” post. Originally, I was hitting up thrift stores because I meant the coat for Mrs. Instructor to be a gag gift. But then my focus shifted.

Soooooo … that’s amazing.

Now on to the blog post!

The Last Bookstore was featured in the blog of my homegirl Janis at Retirementally Challenged (clever!) My eyes lit up when I read:

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Dec27

Best laid (sneaky Christmas) plans

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Best laid (sneaky Christmas) plans

My Jiu-Jitsu instructor loves the oranges from our tree. Once I was holding a bag of them when I came in for class. “Hi, Ilsa,” he greeted me.

“Hi,” I replied cheerfully, as one does and then usually moves on. But he held his ground, looking at me with a big smile. Okay, weird, I thought.

Then he said, “Who are the oranges for?”

“Oh! You, of course.” I had figured that was a given, but he later told me he was excited, so he wanted to be sure. Ha!

I typically deliver oranges in an empty tortilla bag. Once I confused Mrs. Instructor when her husband brought home a box of crackers that was actually full of oranges. Another time, I finally emptied the last of my protein powder that had expired months prior (so much for bulking up), and thought the container too nice to toss. But what could I use it for?

Oranges, of course!

Meh heh heh.

Then there was that whole trench coat incident. Mrs. Instructor had called me an orange dealer, so I said I should bring in oranges under a trench coat.

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Nov23

Bonus features!

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Here are some follow-ups to previous posts.

After the one about Mrs. Instructor, she let me know she hasn’t subscribed to my blog because

Awwwhhhh… My very own stalker. Just what I always wanted.

After my Sensei goes to Singapore post, (dang, I should’ve called it that!) Ju-Lyn and I were talking about the visit. I wrote:

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Nov15

Rolling with Instructor

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Rolling with Instructor

I discovered this in my drafts folder from August.

🤦

The below is from July 3, and it took about a year to scroll to find it. Apparently Mrs. Instructor and I chat a lot. Mine is the writing in purple.

I do appreciate clever people.

More recently, I wrote to her, “Uncontrollable loud sustained laughter during a wall drill with Instructor. Super embarrassing.”

Her: What happened?

Me: I don’t know! I just couldn’t stop!

Her: lol

Me another day:

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Oct31

Wake me up when September ends. -Green Day

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Wake me up when September ends. -Green Day

I could also call this “My birthday month, Part 2… No, really!”

Yes, I know it’s nearly November. I’m behind at life. Also, I must clear Mrs. Instructor’s name by stating that she was in no way demanding I post my stories about her. Unlike her predecessors, Chex Mix Guy and Sensei, she has not become an attention monster. You know who else hasn’t? Surfer Dude. He knows full well about this blog and has never, to my knowledge, checked out what I’ve written about him. Wouldn’t you think he’d at least be curious? Amazing.

Okay. On with the pics, etc.

When we last saw our intrepid heroes, Heather, Neighbor, and Ilsa planned a coffee date do-over, this time at a joint called Archer’s Arrow, totally chosen by me for the name alone.

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