Category Archives: Mrs. Instructor/Her Royal Highness

May7

Things that make me happy

Posted on May 7, 2025 by Ilsa Rey

It takes so little sometimes. Stuff that I’ve only seen on TV or in movies but then see in real life generally fits the bill.

For instance, chatting with friends at a restaurant while we waited for our table, I happened to look outside and see two guys greet each other with a multi-part handshake.

Who has seen this in real life???

Seriously, if you have, tell me. I’m not sure I knew fancy handshakes actually happened other than on a screen. It was not super complicated. Maybe five steps. Still. It counts. It was amazing.

Secondly, I sold books at a conference in a Marriott hotel. This dude rolled my boxes in for me. To my knowledge, thanks to TV, those carts are used for the rich and famous. I saw one–in action–for me.

Was I supposed to tip that guy? Shoot. Literally only thinking of this now. I don’t know how to behave like the rich and famous. Pretty sure none of them would snag a pic of this, for starters.

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Apr12

Getting razzed in class

Posted on April 12, 2025 by Ilsa Rey

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My Jiu-Jitsu instructor came over to help when I was attempting to do a move with Hip Rad Heroine (Mark’s HRH guess). Instructor said something then, “Did you just roll your eyes at me?”

“What? No!” I said, horrified. “I just looked at her and then back at you.”

“Sheesh. The attitude on this one,” he said with an expression of wild disbelief.

At first I was mortified. Then I realized he was messing with me.

Another time, Instructor was heel hooking my good ankle–the one not wearing a protective sleeve.

Wrapped ankle on left in a blue shoe. On the right, pink shoe. I took this when I stepped out of the car in the Walmart parking lot. Leave it to me to wear mismatched shoes. I laughed then thought, “Well, this is Walmart. I’ll fit right in.”

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Mar16

It was my worst Jiu-Jitsu class ever…

Posted on March 16, 2025 by Ilsa Rey

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First, I got reprimanded for inadvertently insulting Balloon Man. When I lifted my head to explain, Instructor pushed it back down, silently saying, “Stop talking; do the move.” But at least, from what I glimpsed, Balloon Man did not appear insulted.

Nevertheless, I needed to keep mentally changing the subject afterward because being reprimanded by Instructor, which has happened three times now, makes me want to cry. I hate disappointing him.

Then it was roll time, and Instructor and Balloon Man sat right next to Money and me. I can barely function when I know he’s watching. I even said, “Do you really have to sit right there watching?”

“Just roll,” he said.

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Mar12

“Looking blue”

Posted on March 12, 2025 by Ilsa Rey

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The week’s Jiu-Jitsu focus was heel hook escapes, particularly from 4/11 position. In other words, “How not to get your ankle or knee broken.”

Instructor came over to watch me on my first attempt. There was a lot of, “Freeze. Go back”–my three most-feared words. Once I finally got it, he said, “Great! Look at you! You conquered a 4/11 escape!”

When he walked away, I said to his wife, “Okay, what is this? The kids’ class? I’m not that fragile.” It was practically a head pat and a “Good Ilsa!”

Who’s a good girl?! (random AI dog pic from Pixabay)

Sadly, I was not given a treat.

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Mar2

You should see the other guy

Posted on March 2, 2025 by Ilsa Rey

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Given that our recent focus in Jiu-Jitsu has been all things lower extremities: heel hooks, ankle locks, knee bars, and now toe holds, I’m not surprised by how colorful my skin has become from the knee down. This adds to the near-omnipresent arm bruises.

But one night before class, I considered how cool it would be to have a black eye. I’m all about new experiences; why not this one? I’ve thought this a handful of times, so the only reason it’s unique now, is that I sort of got my wish.

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Feb6

The funny parts

Posted on February 6, 2025 by Ilsa Rey

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My Jiu-Jitsu Instructor asked if anyone had a question. I raised my hand and asked if you could sneak a choke in from North/South when someone was turtling. (You follow all that?) “Money” was nearest, so Instructor demonstrated on him.

When he asked if there were any more questions, I asked what to do if the person’s turtle is so tight you can’t slip an arm in.

So, Instructor demonstrated with Money again, break dancing on top of him before ultimately sneaking in the choke. Meanwhile, Money’s getting his rear repeatedly handed to him.

“Any other questions?”

“I’m trying to think of one just so I can see you mess with Money some more,” I said.

He laughed. Money looked at me and laughed too. Then Instructor turned to him and said, “Next time I’ll demo with her and let you watch.”

To add a picture, here’s me taking this dude’s head off with my leg.

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Jan21

Dance Battle Jiu-Jitsu

Posted on January 21, 2025 by Ilsa Rey

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It was time to roll. Instructor turned on music.

And I started dancing.

Typically, for this to happen, I have to be very comfortable with the people around me. So me dancing at Jiu-Jitsu… What the heck was that?!

For starters, it was, at best, some weird kick thing reminiscent of Elaine from Seinfeld.

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Jan5

The Last Bookstore

Posted on January 5, 2025 by Ilsa Rey

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The Last Bookstore in L.A. is where our family went over Thanksgiving break. (Maybe, eventually, I’ll get around to posting about our Christmas break).

But before I get to that, a followup to my “Best laid (sneaky Christmas) plans” post. Originally, I was hitting up thrift stores because I meant the coat for Mrs. Instructor to be a gag gift. But then my focus shifted.

Now on to the blog post!

The Last Bookstore was featured in the blog of my homegirl Janis at Retirementally Challenged (clever!) My eyes lit up when I read:

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Dec27

Best laid (sneaky Christmas) plans

Posted on December 27, 2024 by Ilsa Rey

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My Jiu-Jitsu instructor loves the oranges from our tree. Once I was holding a bag of them when I came in for class. “Hi, Ilsa,” he greeted me.

“Hi,” I replied cheerfully, as one does and then usually moves on. But he held his ground, looking at me with a big smile. Okay, weird, I thought.

Then he said, “Who are the oranges for?”

“Oh! You, of course.” I had figured that was a given, but he later told me he was excited, so he wanted to be sure. Ha!

I typically deliver oranges in an empty tortilla bag. Once I confused Mrs. Instructor when her husband brought home a box of crackers that was actually full of oranges. Another time, I finally emptied the last of my protein powder that had expired months prior (so much for bulking up), and thought the container too nice to toss. But what could I use it for?

Oranges, of course!

Then there was that whole trench coat incident. Mrs. Instructor had called me an orange dealer, so I said I should bring in oranges under a trench coat.

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