Aug11

Teaching girls to kick butt and take names

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Teaching girls to kick butt and take names

This was my third year teaching a girls’ self defense summer camp. I wore a boot for my not-quite-healed broken foot, but I made it work.

The last day was a flurry of fast-paced review, interrupted briefly by what the girls called “story time” for which they gathered around me in a semi-circle.

I’d already given a speech about situational awareness and how their level of alertness should go up as the comfort of their surroundings goes down. (And for goodness sake, don’t be looking at your phone.) This time I gave them real talk about danger from non-strangers and what to do if a relative, family friend, or future coworker makes them uncomfortable.

At the end, one of them said, “That wasn’t a very fun story.” So I added, “Then you grab their head and smash your knee in their face!”

They all shouted, “Yay!”

Not even kidding. It always amuses me how stiff and quiet they are the first few days. By the end,

they’re unruly ruffians out for blood.

The two days my daughter wasn’t available to be my assistant, I called on the girl who has come every year. She took her role seriously, once reprimanding younger students, “If you don’t listen, you can’t learn.”

I partnered this student with the one who struggled the most. When even she couldn’t help the newer girl, she made eye contact with me so I’d come over. Other times, when the girl got it right, my helper gave me a nod to let me know. It was both awesome and adorable.

There was also a pair of sisters there for a second year. Their dad and I discovered a mutual love of grunge music, so the daughters gave me a thank you card on the last day that included these two stickers:

The guy is [still] a member of the Pearl Jam fan club and so gets perks. (I only was a member in high school.)
Sub Pop is a Seattle record label largely credited with launching grunge music. I was touched by this man’s thoughtfulness.

Here’s the card:

Inside, one girl wrote, “Thank you for teaching us despite your injuries.” And, “I promise not to choke my sister. 😉 “

Like me, these girls love a good choke.

What’s afoot

The bone is healed, but my ankle, in particular, is still swollen. I’ve had to do stretches to loosen muscles that had grown stiff. When I walk, I feel like I’m wearing shoes of two different heights.

The issues with my feet are the stuff of comedy now, like there should be memes, or a punch line.

Stand-up comedian: “Do you know how lame it is?”

Audience, shouting: “How lame is it?!”

Comedian: “It’s Ilsa Rey’s feet lame.”

Uproarious laughter.

Kindly not forgetting about me, HRH texts every now and then.

Since my news wasn’t stellar: “So like another monthish and we get an epic Ilsa return to Jiu-Jitsu?”

Me: “Can the world handle a second epic Ilsa return?”

Sometime later:

She dies of laughter because she knows only in my dreams would I get her to tap out.

When I was on Jiu-Jitsu hiatus after the first foot/ankle injury, I returned as a white belt to the white belt class. That wasn’t so bad. Now I’d be a blue belt returning after months away to Master Cycle with the big dogs. Jiu-Jitsu is not quite like riding a bike.

I do still need lots of time for writing, though. While chiseling away at Book 2 Part 2, I had a revelation:

Holy crap. There’s going to be a Book 2 Part 3! Will I ever finish?

Initially, I was bummed that I sat on my contract for months before signing with this publisher. If I had turned the contract in immediately, I would’ve gotten a June release date instead of December. As it is, I almost wish it were even later so the release of book two is kept within that standard year-apart-release schedule.

But will I finish Book 3 in the year after that while trying to do marketing for the first two books? AND maintain my day job? AND keep these humans I dwell with alive, clothed, and fed?

I guess we’ll see.

Oh, and one other thing. This from the publisher:

!!!!!!!!!

They’re planning ahead for an audiobook version of WISH I WAS HERE. Will I get to choose the voice artist I like best? So fun!

Old Q: In South Dakota, growers of this state flower of Kansas are allowed to use fireworks to scare off birds. A: sunflower. Well done to many of you!

New Q: LOL! Hahaha! Ahem. Sorry. I opened the trivia book, and this is the question I landed on: Where in the body would you find metatarsal bones?

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107 responses »

  1. Glad you are healing up and the lessons with the summer camp girls – the stranger danger part – sounded very helpful.
    I used to sometimes give little talks while teaching – just reminding everyone to be alert. A long time ago I read some interviews with guys on death row. One man, now a born again Christian and being very honet, shared something that stuck with me. He said that every woman he “encountered” for his crimes – well they never had their guard up – and all greeted him way too jovially – and so I think the stranger danger talk is something we need to remind all folks about – esp the youngens’

    Liked by 1 person

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    • That’s good to know about that guy’s targets. I had also heard a story about a convict who said he would tell girls they have beautiful eyes. The level of confidence they showed in themselves by the way they responded let him know whether or not they would be an easy target. I tell the girls about that. Being more confident through learning some self defense automatically makes them a less likely target. I’ll keep your story in mind too, for next year. Thanks, PH!

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      • well I fogot another thing – was how they use women to gain trust – or the ol “puppy” trick – sigh
        so much to teach and pass on – and your camps sound like a lot of fun with meaning

        Liked by 1 person

      • Please explain the puppy trick. They have literal puppies to draw women in? Is that the adult version of candy for children? Hate to admit it, but I’d want to pet a fluffy puppy for sure. Of course, if the guy tried anything, he’d be toast. That’s making me want to go find some dudes with dogs and teach them a lesson.

        But perhaps you didn’t mean that literally. And, yes, the girls have a blast. The repeat students make me happy because it shows they enjoy the learning, even though it’s mostly the same stuff every year. That’s great for their retention too.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Hi – I did mean it literally about the puppy being a lure – sometimes they might even have another child involved – and invite someone to help look for the pup.
        Or… create a false setting where the prey is invited to come and see the injured pup or pet them (as you noted) and LMAO at you said they’d be “toast” – yes-
        oh and another thing that came up in our mini lessons – was to always create distance and flee firts – even with and ass skills and strategies to use – keep as much distance and run away first –

        Liked by 1 person

      • My gosh that’s so twisted and sad. Thank you for this information. I will remember and use it. And I do tell the girls to run first and foremost, and to scream to call attention, put up a huge fuss, etc. Then I teach them to choke and break arms as back ups. 😇

        Liked by 1 person

      • hahahh to this:
        Then I teach them to choke and break arms as back ups.
        —
        oh and our chatting had me look up something I heard about “grocery store parking lots before 11:00 am were more dangerous times for women” – but then looked it up and found it was not necesssarily true…
        “There is no credible evidence to support the claim that grocery store parking lots are particularly dangerous for women before 11 a.m. The assertion that the most likely time for an attack is between 5 a.m. and 8 a.m. is part of a widely debunked chain email that has been labeled “codswallop” by fact-checkers like Barbara Mikkelson of Snopes.com.”

        Liked by 1 person

      • Interesting. But they didn’t debunk that grocery store parking lots are dangerous at all. I’d heard that, and it surprises me. Wouldn’t there be other people around? I guess not too often. Parking lots all need cameras.

        Liked by 1 person

      • yes – and I know many parking lots have those generator powered mobile cameras – and thjose might help a lot….
        I guess the biggest takeaway is reminding everyon to have “social awareness” eh

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yes, I called it situational awareness. What if those cameras aren’t working, for instance. I don’t want them to be paranoid, but I also want them to be smart.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Sorry, I got so excited nobody else had answered and I actually knew it, I didn’t want to take a chance and type out a longer comment.

    The Sub Pop sticker is a classic. And the Pearl Jam one is pretty cool, too. Makes me wish I’d have joined a fan club back in the grunge heyday. Honestly, it probably would have been AIC or STP at the time. Members-only goodies are the best!

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      • Haha. I usually write on Sundays. This time I decided to sleep on it before posting. I’d likely catch more mistakes that way. I think that’s basically your method too, right? This Monday schedule may become my thing until Andrew or someone else complains. 😛

        Liked by 1 person

      • I used to post pretty much every Sunday, but I’ve been way too busy lately…at least this time of year. Yesterday was the first time in ages I actually did a Sunday post. And yes, you’re right. I like to sit on my posts a little bit before hitting publish, because they always change a little.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Back to important matters, since we’re absolutely taking over this combox, my overall fave would have to be State of Love and Trust. But if someone were to ask what the defining song of the era was, there’s only one real choice.

        Like

  5. Ilsa, it’s amazing how you made it work in teaching a girls’ self defense summer camp. Well done! So glad to hear that the bone has healed. All the best on to the next phase of full recovery 🙂
    You’re going to have an audiobook version? How cool!

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Thank you, Rosaliene. And, yes, hopefully on that audiobook. I hope to find someone who sounds like the way I hear it in my head when I read the book. I don’t want this to be another “the people on the cover don’t match what I envision in my mind” situation. :/

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  6. You’re all about feet today. Metatarsal, foot, but somehow in the song, “Dem Bones” they leave out that connection and just go, “toe bone connected to the foot bone.” It should really be, “toe bone connected to the metatarsal bone …” just sayn’

    I don’t think you should be kicking butt with your foot right now … just sayn’ …

    and I never understood “kicking butt and taking names.” I mean, if I could kick their butt, they’d get whatever name I gave them. Why would they get a choice? … just sayn’

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  7. HAhahaha! Inside Ilse Rey’s boot!
    Sorry. Couldn’t resist. You’ll get back to Jiu-Jitsu because you love it so much. Your advice to the young girls is so timely and wise. Good job. Waiting to see your book, too.

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  11. I would have loved to take a self-defense class when I was that age. Fortunately, I had two older brothers who refused to have a “princess” as a sister so they toughened me up quite a bit. I find it sad, though, that we have to teach girls to be on alert and hyper-aware of their surroundings. It’s no wonder why so many would “choose the bear.”

    So… December release date (erases penciled in mid-September date from calendar)?

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Once again I’m needing to ask a commenter to clarify terms I don’t know. “Choose the bear”? But also, yes, I hate that this stuff needs to be taught (even if I do love teaching it.)

      So yes about the release date, but I was told I’d get books 3ish months early, hence my dream for a September launch party. I’m still hoping for some info on that, but I haven’t gotten solid intel yet. Will definitely let you know, Janis!

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      • From WikiHow:

        The man vs. bear question is, “Would you rather be alone in the woods with a bear or a man?” The question is primarily targeted at women and asks if they would feel safer if they were alone with a bear or a random man. It’s not about the threat of bears in the forest. It’s about the dangers women face living among men.

        • The question is meant to highlight women’s perception of danger by giving them a fictional choice to see what their first response would be.
        • For the most part, the question was asked and answered in a somewhat tongue-in-cheek manner with the reasons women would choose a bear over a man being more serious.
        • The man vs. bear question was intended as a hypothetical situation to help explain how women can feel in the presence of men.

        Your daughters may have seen the TikTok that started it.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh, intriguing. I would want to befriend the bear. Unless the man was huge, I could potentially deal with that problem, should he be one.
        Thank you for explaining that!

        Like

  14. The summer camp defense classes sound awesome – and you were awesome as the teacher! Of course, the girls loved you! 🙂

    And I’m glad to hear the foot is healed. Not much longer, and you will be back to normal. Is the world ready for you?

    And that’s exciting about your audio auditions. I hope you DO get to have a voice in deciding who gets the role.

    Nice update!

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Is the world ready for me to be “back to normal”? LOL. That’s not a thing that exists, Maddie. 😉

      From what I’ve learned of this publisher, they probably will let me choose. I hope I find a winner. I hope I get several options! It will be difficult to relinquish this to someone else’s voice if it’s not like mine in my head. But I’ll learn to let go.

      Liked by 1 person

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  15. Glad to hear the bone is healed. One step closer to full recovery!

    Teaching this summer class sounds very rewarding and fun. You’re a wise teacher to pair the keen student with the one who needed a bit more work. A great approach to classroom management.

    The card is lovely and made me smile and chuckle!

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  17. I loved this post way too much 😅
    It makes me so happy you are willing to teach girls self-defense when it comes to going out in public, especially as they get older. It makes me happy to know that even when it’s sad you even have to teach them, they’ll know how to defend themselves and stay safe. Thank you for all you do! ❤

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    • Hello there new reader and welcome. Thank you very much for this kind comment. I find teaching self-defense incredibly fulfilling. I tell the girls that predators look for insecure, easy targets. Just by taking this class, they gain confidence, which makes them less of a target. But just in case, like you said, they’ll know what to do to defend themselves and stay safe. Thank you for stopping by. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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    • The girls were a riot, kind of in more ways than one. The best part was that the youngest one, who will be new at the school this coming year (next week) has warmed up to the place and already made some friends. That’s a nice bonus. Maybe she’ll come in with more confidence now.

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  21. That’s such a brilliant mix of grit, humor, and heart — you’ve painted the perfect picture of why teaching self-defense is about so much more than just moves. It’s confidence, camaraderie, and, apparently, turning “story time” into a cheer for knee strikes.

    I love how the camp transforms those first-day shy smiles into full-on “unruly ruffians out for blood.” That’s the good kind of trouble. And the dynamic with your returning helper? That’s mentorship in action — the quiet nods, the subtle teamwork, the way she stepped in when you couldn’t. Gold.

    If you want more stories like this — the kind that mix real-world lessons, unexpected laughs, and the occasional well-placed knee to the face — come hang out at Chameleon News.
    It’s where life’s best tales meet sharp, fearless commentary… and sometimes, grunge stickers.

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  22. So much to love! Self Defense Camp sounds like it was a smashing – wink – success! So important to address the non-stranger stuff and the girls…what a fantastic group.
    Cheers to fab news from your publisher, too! Audio! Yay, yay! And yay! 🥰

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  23. How good you must feel knowing you may prevent those girls from being hurt. Every teenage girl and adult woman should take your class. It sounds like they really enjoyed it. But seriously, I’m glad your foot feels better. It seems like it takes longer and longer for you to heal.

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  24. The feet, I think. Or maybe the hands. Darn it! I’ll say… the feet!
    Good for you and your students. Looks like one of them has the makings of a teacher.
    Oh wow, you have a day job in addition to your writing. Whew! I feel for you! Still, getting an audiobook version is super cool. Take this for what it’s worth: The audiobook of Into Thin Air is so much better with Jon Krakauer reading it – because he was THERE. Nowadays it’s hard to find that version and much easier to find the version where some other dude reads it, but it’s not nearly as good. Not sure if they’ll let you read your own book, but that would be my vote.

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    • Yep, feet! which is why I was cracking up. I broke the fifth metatarsal. The day job is PT, if that helps. The audiobook of Into Thin Air is in my rotation! I think I’m around 50% through. I’m still waiting to learn if this young Sherpa is going to survive or not! I’m not sure if JK is reading this version. Maybe he’s not. Darn. The audiobook of Dave Grohl reading his book, The Story Teller, was awesome, if you’re into that sort of thing. His voice inflections–so great. And, yeah, I would love to voice my own book, but I’d need all the studio equipment to make that happen. Which (quick check around the room…) nope. Don’t have. 🙂

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      • Oh my gosh! I’ve been to PT so many times in my adult life that I can often be heard lamenting that I didn’t marry one (think of the saved time and expense)! Your husband is so lucky! And so are you, for that matter. You can be your own therapist!

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      • Okay, so I really should have clarified that this use of PT is as in Part Time, not Physical Therapy. I so much prefer your interpretation for the reasons you mention. 😛 Why have you had to do physical therapy?! Have we talked about this yet? And I’m impressed you can travel so much despite apparently lots of injuries. I figure my world travel in retirement will be via wheelchair at this rate.

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  25. It’s a sad commentary on life that as women, we always need to be hyper-vigilant as to our surroundings. I’m glad you were able to teach the class despite your foot issue. How much longer??

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  27. Oh my, I have so much to catch up on. Your injury, multiple book deals, and girls defense class. You are one busy lady! I hope the foot/ankle continues to heal and strengthen. What a pain! So excited about your book debut! Life is good. I’ve missed you. Hugs, C

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    • Ach! Every once in a while I think to check spam comments and 5/7 times there’s a non-spam comment that somehow got trapped there. Yours is the winner this time, Cheryl! So sorry your divine words were languishing there for so long! Yes, my darling, yes! And I have missed you as well! 🙂 ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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  28. My 30-year old daughter spent her first post-college year in downtown Denver, her second in downtown LA, and her third in downtown Seattle. She may not have Jiu-Jitsu skills but man does she have street smarts. Even now in our small town she point out suspicious things I tend to miss. Her radar is ALWAYS up (especially now that she’s a mom of two). As for metatarsals, I know where mine are… but what about YOURS? Recent photos suggest some of yours may have relocated. Maybe “off the beaten path” is a better way of putting it? 🙂

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  31. It’s really nice that you teach girls how to defend themselves. Here in Italy, there aren’t many self-defense methods, and I’ve told my friends to keep a full one in their purse and use it to hit in case someone can’t use their hands or doesn’t have the strength to fight back.

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