Sep24

Meh.

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Meh.
😑

Warning: I chronicle my Jiu-Jitsu Journey here. This is a low moment post. If you’re not in the mood to be brought down, just skip to the end.

I wasn’t in the best frame of mind when I arrived for Jiu-Jitsu. Because of other life stressors, my normal place of refuge has lost its euphoria. But I’m trying to push through.

I showed up for a mini-Reflex Development class, where Master Cycle students are encouraged to help the Combatives students. Instructor seemed glad I was there and eager for me to assist him in demonstrating the moves.

However, I’ve been out of Combatives for two months and couldn’t remember things well. My “demonstrating” was mostly him talking me through what to do while the junior students watched.

After that, he chose someone else.

Then came Master Cycle class. Since this is sparring week, instead of learning new techniques, we’re doing brief review followed by rolling.

I do not shine here. There’s really not so much as a spark even.

Basically, there were moments where I gave up. I let Pink have me without resisting. Another time, I laid there with my eyes closed, waiting for the pain that told me it was time to tap.

Why am I doing this? Why am I here? Why am I bothering?

Then it was my turn to roll with Instructor. Before we began, he asked if I was having fun–a frequent question which, in the past, has always elicited an exuberant affirmative.

For the first time, I lied to him.

Nevertheless, I knew I had to pull myself together. I could not roll over and play dead with him. So I did what I do best: squirm. When he got a hold of my arm, I wiggled it free, either by pushing against his hands with my feet, using the wrist releases I teach my self-defense camp girls, rolling another direction to relieve the pressure, pushing against the wall to drive my weight back into him… whatever means necessary.

At one point, he gave an exasperated laugh.

“You really don’t want me to arm bar you,” he said.

Eventually he did, though, twice. Nevertheless, after our turn he said, “That was excellent, Betsy,” with an emphatic note to his voice.

“I don’t know how to submit someone, but I know how to squirm,” I told him.

“That’s how I was when I started. But eventually you learn to find the openings.”

I had noticed he kept finding gaps between my arm and the rest of my body, snaking a hand through the hole and yanking my arm free. Then it was a battle to keep him from getting my arm straight before I could win it back again.

Two of the four new bruises: mute evidence of last night’s battle.

As I headed to the door after class, Instructor interrupted his conversation with another student to say, “Great work tonight, Betsy.”

And so, once again, I am saved from the pressure to simply give up.

Perhaps the world’s most famous song named after a deodorant is “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana.

If anyone happens to come across Teen Spirit at a store, send me one. I want to know what it smells like.

New Question: Retailing at $149.99, the world’s largest one of these candies for sale weighs 26 pounds, contains 32,000 calories, and features a one-liter bowl for liquids in its tummy.

I don’t expect anyone to off-hand know this, (If you do, impressive.) so I recommend thinking about it a moment and making your best guess. 🙂

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70 responses »

  5. I am saved from the pressure to simply give up. There is pressure for you to stay? Did I miss something? [Probably] As someone who is not a big fan of gummy bears I am sort of repulsed knowing about this, but do love me some trivia.

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    • Haha. I’m not sure why I’m laughing. I guess at the thought of your revolted expression imagining such a ginormous gummy bear. Oooh, ick, and can you imagine someone actually EATING such a thing? Blech. I don’t dislike them, but still.

      You didn’t miss anything. I see that I was vague. It’s just the pressure I put on myself. I don’t want to be a quitter, but the temptation is sometimes there. How easy it would be to simply stop doing this because it’s hard. But what kind of lesson would I be teaching myself or my children if I did that?

      Thanks for reading, AB. 🙂

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  8. Gummy Bear? It’s all I can think of with a tummy. Good for you for fighting through the blahs. I can’t remember who said it, but there’s a quote about how sometimes true heroism is just getting up the next day and trying again. For martial arts, I guess that’s also just getting up off the mat and trying agin.

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  9. I’m sorry life’s getting you down, with bruises to match. I hope blogging about it helps. Life stressors suck. As for the trivia, I snuck a peek at the answer. I reluctantly admit to liking gummy bears, licorice, and most other chewy candy that is really just flavored plastic. I’m having trouble understanding this tummy bowl for liquids. Does it come with sweetened liquid of some sort (gross) or do you put liquid in this bowl (why?). I’m going to stick with small cinnamon bears and let someone else eat this monstrosity.

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  11. sorry you’re going through a rough patch, and looks like you got out with a few marks and your dignity intact. at any time when you feel you’re done, give yourself permission to be done. you have come so far from where you began. for the candy, a giant easter Carmello egg?

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  13. There is a reason gummy bears are the size of our finger tips. I can’t imagine anyone eating even a part of a 26lb one. That’s just plain gross.

    Don’t take this the wrong way, but knowing when to stop something is as important as knowing when to push on through. But only you know your limits. When you do stop Ju-jitsu (sorry about the spelling), I hope you use it as a discussion point for your kids.

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  15. I feel you, Betsy. I wish I had better news but this will happen at every belt level. I wish I had the answers for you, but the big thing is to just show up. I bet if you spoke to your instructor about it, he could relate a few stories (at minimum) of times he wanted to just give up. Just show up, the rest will take care of itself eventually.

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    • TOM! OMG, TOM! How are you?! (Happy belated b-day, btw. Are we getting old, or are we still okay? 😛 )

      Thanks for this. I have had many ups and downs, so you’d think I’d know better by now, right? But still. Bleh. Thank you for your encouragement. Really nice to see you on here again! I hope you and Mrs. WritesandRolls are doing well! 🙂

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      • hahaha thank you! We’re not getting old, yet. Despite being XX. To quote Val Kilmer’s Doc Holliday, “Not me, I’m in my prime.”

        Got some writing and ‘casting in the works, life has just been full so it’s been on the FAAAARRR back burner lol

        Keep up the good work.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I just redacted the age. Cough cough. Keeping that on the down low around here, Tom. Mrs. Instructor might see. If word spreads around the gym, people might be afraid to roll with me for fear of breaking my hip. 😉

        To you as well, Tom. Thank you for stopping by. Hope you won’t be a stranger. Oh, oh! I don’t know if you remember that issue I was having a couple years back re: doing JJ. You and the Mrs. did a podcast about it. Anyhow, that is not an issue this time around, in case you’d like to know. The value of JJ has become evident and other concerns were dropped. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  16. I’m sorry for the life stressors, Betsy. But it sounds like pulled through and your class helped get you through it, even for a moment. The bruises, I imagine, are like war wounds for you. Wear them with pride! 😊

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  17. Reminds me of the classic “graveyard” dessert I used to make my kids every year for Halloween. Chocolate pudding, crumbled up Oreos for the dirt, whipped cream ghosts, candy corn pumpkins, Milano cookie tombstones, and – the coup de grace – gummy worms.

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  19. Hi Betsy, I’m just reading this now. I hope all is better in the Jiu-Jitsu arena. It’s okay to have an off day or even a dip.

    I’ve been dying to tell you that another son has taking up, not Jiu-Jitsu, but boxing. So much combat! Had to get a special pair of shoes. You guys get to go barefoot, seems simpler!

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  21. You know what? This seems to me to be something like ballet for me. I’m an adult that started ballet (something usually started in the single digit age range) and I’m also usually 💯 in. I’m still all about it 20 years in with a life full of life, but there have been less then a handful of times where I feel like I’m doing everything wrong and I’m not sure what the heck I’m doing there to begin with. Then, a fellow dancer or the instructor says something I didn’t expect and it kind of renews my drive to dance. The point is, sometimes when you think you are at the end of your rope, so to speak, something shakes you and says you’re right where you’re supposed to be. I think your instructor knew what you needed whether consciously or subconsciously.

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    • What a sweet comment. Thank you very much for that. There are good days and bad days in pretty much everything we do. The point is to keep moving forward regardless. So, for you: Keep on dancing! Thank you for reading and commenting! 🙂

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  22. It’s an interesting observation you make about the things we do and love, Betsy. Nine times out of ten I’m pumped up for my regularly scheduled workout class. But that tenth one – ugh. It can feel like sleepwalking, where the only redeeming aspect is to claim another completed session. Maybe it’s the occasional hurdles of regular life bleeding our enthusiasm for the things we enjoy. At least it’s only one out of ten, right? (or maybe even less for you) Any more than that and I’d question why I still choose to get arm-barred.

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    • Someone somewhere at some point (I’m very specific here) pointed out that even on those days where you don’t want to, you always are glad you did it anyway. Do we ever regret having exercised? I doubt it. (Well, aside from muscle cramps or injury, I guess.) So, even though in this class I felt like my brain learned nothing retainable, I still got exercise. And I know bad days will happen. It’s sort of like, well, I got that bad day over with. Maybe now I’ll be good on those for a while. It’s kinda just how life is. That’s my takeaway.

      Love your last line. 😉

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