Feb26

Saturday class/Boys club

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This was a large Jiu-Jitsu class, with no familiar faces. And no female faces. Instructor greeted me with a smile, as always, and suggested I jump in to practice with someone. Everyone was paired off. He was busy on-boarding a newbie. While everyone else grappled on the mat, I stretched.

And stretched.

And stretched.

You can only work on your legs for so long before it’s obvious you’re stalling. I got up and wandered over to the card rack where students’ cards show how many classes they’ve had. Probably not supposed to be nosy, but I was desperate to kill time. Savage Teen Girl is close to her fourth stripe (one for every 20 classes). As I suspected, Adrian Brody’s card was gone. He must have quit. :/

Seeing their cards made me wonder, where was Timmy? Surfer Dude 1 and/or 2? Lopez? Enthusiastic Teen? Indifferent/Sweaty Man? Heck, I would’ve been grateful even for STG at that point.

I sat on the bench and checked Twitter… Signal… read about cuttlefish on wiki… And overall felt grateful to have a smart phone so I looked slightly less like an idiot.

Le cuttlefish, compliments of naveen manohar on Pixabay. Why cuttlefish, you ask? Why not, I say.

I considered being assertive, just walking over to a pair of dudes and asking if I could jump in. But no one even glanced my way. Another guy I’d never seen came in late. I smiled; he ignored me. I looked at him again, ready to compliment his eyebrow ring and say something about my cartilage piercings, but he jogged past me onto the mat. Another guy greeted him with, “There are no third wheels here.”

Unless you’re a girl, apparently.

You know those movies where the woman is the lone female in a male-dominated field so she has to be confident and assertive to gain everyone’s respect despite the odds stacked against her?

I am not that woman. I’m tiny, and shy, and probably know less than everyone else (aside from the guy there for his first class). The closest I came to being that movie woman was by not leaving. I would at least be tough enough to stay.

Finally, class began 20 minutes in. There were so many guys, we barely fit against the wall. Of course, I was at the end, closest to the door.

Every time someone walked by on the sidewalk, I was hopeful. “Nope… Nope… Someone’s coming in!… Yet another stranger.”

When it was time to practice, everyone paired up. I looked at the late-comer, gray-haired, blue belt. “I guess you’re stuck with me. I’m Betsy.”

“James.” [But of course it’s not.] He sized me up: white belt, and let’s be honest, female, and treated me as a first-timer. That was actually fine with me. With his expectations low, I had nowhere to go but up. He turned out to be rather nice and helpful.

At the end of the second segment, I grabbed a drink of water and, blessedly, Lopez walked in! “I’m so glad to see you! I have no friends here.”

“I wanted to get here sooner. I didn’t realize [someone. Not just being anonymous here. Didn’t actually catch the name] has my car. I had to Uber.”

For the rest of the class I was comfortable with Lopez. He did give me pointers, but he also said, “That was perfect,” a couple of times. He hadn’t seen me for a while, so I think I surprised him. I recently reread my old JJ posts and came across my first mention of him, where I’d said he had a patient teacher’s heart. I told him this, and he seemed rather touched.

There were other highlights in today’s lesson. For instance, Instructor was in good form. Here are some of his nuggets:

“Now I’ve got him locked up and could just chill here, but his friends might be coming. They might mistake my head for a soccer ball.”

“Remember, you always want to be on your side. I sleep on my side. That way I’m always ready [to be attacked].”

“When his arm disappears from view, I know when I’m going to be seeing it again: punching my face. So, when I can’t see his arm, roller coaster. [shoots his arms straight up] Then when his arm comes down, lightsaber grip. Zschoom. [the sound effect] I’m a Jedi.”

Light sabers courtesy of st visualization at Pixabay.

Before this last joke, I was merely smiling broadly. But at the Jedi comment, I laughed. No one else did.

What is WRONG with these people?

I looked to the guy next to me to share in the mirth. His eye twitched a little in irritation. I was suddenly reminded of Enthusiastic Teen trying to talk to me during a class, and me getting all annoyed. Have I become Enthusiastic Teen?

So, yep. Saturday classes kind of suck. Please don’t tell me the majority of my friends, if I can call them that, attend at 6!

What would you have done? Asked to jump in with someone? Thrown down a rear naked choke or an arm bar just to show them you could? Or hang out on the side uncomfortably like I did?

I’m looking forward to my nice, simple, small, and last, Monday daytime class. I will relish it for all it’s worth.

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68 responses »

  3. I’m not sure what I would do. The s-six o’clock session sounds so painful, but maybe it is less painful than being around a bunch of stiffs. If I were there, I would welcome being paired with a humorous and intelligent beauty. (Of course, I’m not there and would probably be considered too old to be there in the first place. The ) Good luck with your decision.

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  5. I loved this part, “You know those movies where the woman is the lone female in a male-dominated field so she has to be confident and assertive to gain everyone’s respect despite the odds stacked against her?

    I am not that woman. I’m tiny, and shy, and probably know less than everyone else (aside from the guy there for his first class). The closest I came to being that movie woman was by not leaving. I would at least be tough enough to stay.”

    That is pretty darn tough! And you are tough for finding other classes to try which isn’t easy! But the good news is that it can only be the first time once and after that it usually gets easier to break in, right?

    I would have stayed on the bench until the opportunity arose too, Betsy. But I love how it all worked out (pun intended) and you have one more beloved class.

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  8. I’m a little disappointed in Instructor for not making that easier. Including everyone is common courtesy, isn’t it? My kids struggled with that a bit because they were so accomplished they had to be in the adult classes, but so young. That was eventually why my daughter quit (at age of 14). She got tired of the sweaty older men!

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  11. I see what’s happening here … you publicly said you wanted to learn Jiu-Jitsu, but in reality you want to be a Jedi. I see your plan here. First you trick them into thinking your doing the Jiu-Jitsu thing but really you’re practicing Jedi mind control while your light saber is in the repair shop.

    I get it. I promise I won’t tell anyone …

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  13. I’m kind of sad about this PIF. I know everyone has different reasons for attending class and all instructors have different ways of running their class and you never know what anyone else is going through/thinking of at any given time….

    However….the BEST classes I ever attended (and then made sure to model in my own classes) students were encouraged to pair up with new students, etc. The student who is comfortable in class who reaches out to someone who is new/standing alone/not liked by other students… makes a huge difference in a class. There is a hierarchy in martial arts, the seniors look out for the juniors, like in a family. There should be role modeling at every stage for those coming in behind you. I’m sorry you had that experience. I’m sorry the instructor wasn’t aware or didn’t act on that. Helping students build confidence was part of our process.

    Ugh. Sorry. So much to say and I fear I’m saying too much and still not saying everything. 😂

    Hang in there. Which ever class you go to, it has to be a right fit for you. Not all of them are.

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    • Thanks, CM. I know what you’re saying. I’m sorry that my situation distressed you. I hope, though, that reading about my martial arts journey is helping you relive happy memories and still, in a way, be teaching. 🙂
      And maybe as I get better, I’ll also get bolder. 😉

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      • You are SO sweet. I won’t say it distressed me. I just hear how much you are on fire to learn, and THAT kind of energy being brought to a class is a bonus. I don’t want anyone to distinguish that flame. And you are DEFINITELY bringing forth a lot of wonderful memories.

        You don’t have to get better to get bolder. Just BE bolder. 😉 if you go back to that class I challenge you to NOT stretch along the outside, go onto the floor. And if there are people practicing, go up to them and observe. Make comments or ask questions. “Join” them by being the active observer. See if that helps. Or, when another new student walks in, ask if they want to practice or stretch with you.

        YOU are a benefit to any class. Don’t forget that. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • YOU are a benefit to my LIFE, CM. (Don’t make the joke, Betsy. Don’t make the joke. Don’t ruin this tender moment. Just move on…) And I will try to be bolder.

        Kind of like the Bold variety of Chex Mix!

        Dang it! So close!!

        Liked by 1 person

  14. Hard to say what to do in this instance, except for: yes, be assertive. I say “hard to say”, because it depends on the kind of culture the instructor is consistently trying to cultivate. Sometimes this is a cultural thing inside particular associations, where white belts kind of flounder – which sucks.

    Every jitsuka is going to have their favorite training partners, myself included, however I am an advocate for bringing people in and helping them feel like a part of the team. So, more often than not, I’ll get with my favs during the rolling portion of class after I’ve helped and rolled with a white belt or two.

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  15. I’m not sure what I would have done, Betsy. I’d like to think that I would have walked up and tried to be funny. “Either of you ready to be taken down by Granny?” I might have shown them my biceps. But that’s all fantasy most likely. I hope the class gets better for you. Give it another shot and kick some arse.

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  17. You know who would be the ideal sparring partner amongst these unfriendlies? (“There are no third wheels here.”?!?!?!? Seriously? 😦 ) Chuck Norris 😀 And if he doesn’t pick up, come armed with 5 Chuck-Norrisism … (You know, like… “Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.” 🙂 )

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      • I can deal with my eyes watering while I’m severing my bonds (emotional and otherwise) with onions. But my nose empathizes with my eyes, and it starts to drip, and once it drips, it doesn’t take long for the drizzle to start wishing to become a flood… And you know how carefully you have to wash your hands after bonding with an onion and before blowing your nose 🙂 And because chopping onions often become an epic story of trial and tribulation, your joke made me lol irl 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh man. My nose doesn’t get involved in the process, so that does sound awful. I DID, however, make the mistake of rubbing my eye whilst chopping. I mean, come on, Betsy, think! I did think afterward, and the thought was, “Well, that was stupid.” 🙂

        So glad to provide you with a genuine laugh!

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