Jan10

Funny things Instructor said

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Funny things Instructor said

I might as well rename this blog, Jiu Jitsu is funny, huh? I’ve come a long way from writing about the silly antics of my kids, with the occasional foray into Chex Mix and chickens. If you’ll bear with me, one more JJ post. Then I’ll take a break for a while, promise. But gotta get this down before I forget.

Here are some of my Jiu Jitsu instructor’s best funnies, always said with a straight face.

Remember that Instructor is small, making him the perfect poster child for a martial art meant to be used against bigger, stronger opponents. He’ll frequently describe non-JJ moves that someone could try (and likely fail) as a means to defend themselves.

“I could go for a knock-out punch, and if that works, great. I hope someone got it on video. But if it doesn’t work, and he starts swinging, that’s a bad day for me.”

In another lesson he explained the importance of being stacked straight when lying on our side, shoulder over shoulder, hip over hip, straight up and down. “You want a perfect stack of pancakes, not a wobbly one. That’s what you get at Denny’s. When they bring that out to you, you send it back.”

Today he explained how to duck under a “haymaker punch” (your standard wide swing. I didn’t know either), ending with, “But most importantly, it looks cool when you duck under a punch. Someone will ask, ‘Do you box?’ ‘Nah, bro, Jiu Jitsu.'”

At the end of today’s lesson, he gave a thorough recap, reminding us that we’re not actually fighting. We’re letting the other guy do all the work; we just subdue him. “Jiu Jitsu literally translates to ‘gentle art.’ […further explanation… and more explanation…] And I’m going to stop talking now.”

I appreciate this guy.

And remember Surfer Dude from my first class?

This could be him. If he even surfs. No idea.

Turns out there’s two of them, clearly brothers, nearly twins. Best yet? They’re Instructor’s brothers! So, in my very first class, I partnered with a brother. Today it was the other one. I think. Like I said, nearly twins. But like Bro in class 1, Bro in today’s class gave me a “Good job” with the traditional end of class fist bump.

On the whole, I’ve gotten better at this. At the beginning, clueless; now, thanks to watching online videos in preparation of the day’s lesson, I probably appear to have excelled over night.

Do I tell Instructor what I’m doing differently, or just let him be impressed? 😛

With this new method, I’ve gotten a couple of Perfects, a few That’s it’s!, a smattering of Nice jobs, and today a “Well done, Betsy” with an expression of, dare I say, appreciation? Though also, if I’m being honest, surprise.

That latter is probably because, though my prep work helps with the class at hand, the early part is review of previous techniques, which I have heretofore nearly forgotten. Sigh. He tried to get me to do what I learned last Wednesday, and, nearly halfway through, gave up and said, “Watch me.” Then I picked it back up fairly well. I even got a, “Nice shrimp there at the end.” (Something my new JJ Blog Buddy Tom will understand. 😉 )

So: I need to spend more time reviewing what I’ve learned. #TheMoreYouKnow. I’m determined to one day graduate to a “I’m proud of you, Betsy.” That’s my new life goal.

Also, I made it official. I’m in it to win it now, else my van will mock me:

Gracie Jiu-Jitsu decal on my van’s back window because nothing says “Bad Butt Mom” on the family vehicle, spilling out with kids, quite like this sticker.

Almost forgot one. When I came in this morning, he asked how my weekend was. I said, “I don’t remember.”

“That wild, huh?” he said with a smile.

He’s a quick one! The one time I came late to class a little bleary-eyed, with matching eye luggage and unbrushed hair, I completed the look by walking onto the mat with my sunglasses still on before I remembered them. I figured it was okay, though, since it was the morning of January 1. Of all the days to look hung over, this was the one. It would only increase my street cred rather than letting my fellow classmates know the truth: I was awakened during the night by a child having a coughing fit, couldn’t fall back asleep, and wound up sleeping in until a half hour before class.

What they don’t know won’t hurt them.

Instead, I will. 😉 😉

Any new thing you’ve learned lately? Something funny heard? A life goal of your own? Do share. 🙂

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64 responses »

  3. Does learning that Jiu-Jitsu means gentle art count as a new thing? Lol on the rough NYE night! I’m afraid I’ve had more of those Betsy-style ones than the alcoholic variety.

    I did read a hilarious local NextDoor post about Dunkin Donuts. I might have to share it in a post. Being stuck at home during raging Covid is limiting my answers to your questions!

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  4. The fun language. 🙂 I use to tell my students a ‘fish foot’ was not acceptable. (Remember, TKD not JJ).

    I love his language. Makes this more memory friendly. A tip for learning new things? The same day I learned something new, I immediately practiced it (at least walked through it) at home the same day. It’s like writing notes for a test. Good for the memory.

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    • Now I’m curious to know what a fish foot is!

      Another thing Instructor has said is, “Motorcycle grip. Vroom. Vroom.” When practicing with him, I made the grip and said, “Vroom. Vroom.” Now he knows his little memory trick works.

      And, yes, I really really need to review what I learn. I have to make a concerted effort to set aside time for doing so. My husband has also been, on occasion, a willing(ish?) participant for my practice. Sadly, this isn’t one that can be practiced on one’s own. I’ve been toying with the idea of seeing if Savage Teen can practice with me sometime, as scary as that prospect is. Yesterday Instructor paused mid-move and asked permission to put more weight on me. I gave it, but even then, it didn’t hurt. Funny, but completely understandable to me, that the girl has no idea how to hold back using her full weight. Maybe I shouldn’t attempt to practice with her, actually… Hmm.

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      • Fish foot, my term for when kicking and just letting your foot flop around instead of controlling it for a kick.

        Husbands. My husband (at that time) was much taller, heavier and stronger than me. He thought his job was to be that. He couldn’t understand I sometimes just needed a body to practice moves on. He didn’t understand that I would actually have to hurt him to make him stop. It’s easier to ‘practice’ with someone who understands. I know I’m not saying this right.

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      • Fish foot makes perfect sense! 🙂

        I once kicked my husband a bit too hard in the kidney to show him I could mean business. He didn’t much appreciate receiving that first-hand knowledge. ;P

        Like

  5. I, for one, enjoy your discussions about Jiu-Jitsu. For one, I finally mastered spelling Jiu-Jitsu without finding it in the body of the text. For me, that’s big stuff. (Grammarly uses my stuff in the before shot ) Also, I enjoy your comments about the various folks in your class. I think you have a cross-section of male America there. Finally, your lesson of practice makes perfect is a good one. Makes me wonder why that principle isn’t repeated more. Well anyway, I think that decal on your window is the best. Who’s going to mess with someone enrolled in Jiu-Jitsu and a mother to boot. (Would have to be a crazy person.)

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    • The Grammarly comment is one of the best things I’ve read, ever, John. Gosh, you crack me up.

      The other day, someone was walking toward me as I was loading groceries. My imagination flared into a scenario where he got too close and threatening, so I said (in my mind only, he walked away), “I wouldn’t mess with me.” Him: “Why not?” Me: “Because this” as I point to the decal. He turns on his heel.

      Hey, it could happen! No one needs to know that I’m still new at this! 😉

      Oh, and reminding myself that it’s alphabetical: i then u, has finally enabled me to master the spelling myself. 😛

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      • Good trick on the spelling of Jiu-Jitsu. I had to write it three times before self correct finally stopped. Thans for the laughs, Betsy. See you next time. Oh, I wonder isn’t there some kind of Jiu-Jitsu stance that you take before beginning? That could be a deterrent unless it makes you look foolish. (I know go figure.)

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      • I could totally take a defensive stance; however, there isn’t one–with good reason. Part of Instructor’s long explanation included the reasoning of just standing normal and non-threatening. If you look like you’re ready for a fight, they may bring a fight, almost as though they feel the need to defend themselves against you. If you look like you don’t want any trouble, they may leave you alone/it’s clear then that they started it. However, if they bring it, we’re ready. That haymaker punch defense, which is a likely way for someone to start a fight, begins with just standing normal. Then, of course, you look awesome when you duck beneath their swing and take them down afterward with lightning speed. This is done in self defense. We’re not here to start fights, just end them. (evil chuckle, of course.)

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  6. Betsy, too funny. I was struck by this phrase “matching eye luggage” which I had never heard before, but knew what it meant in its context. Great story, even though Denny’s may not like the press. Keith

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    • Haha! Poor Denny’s. However, I got food poisoning after going there once ON MY BIRTHDAY, so I don’t mind dissing them a bit.

      And, thank you. I’m pretty sure “matching eye luggage” is a Betsy original, though I’ve come across similar phraseology.

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  7. I would definitely want you with me next time I wander down a dark alley. (side note – the development I walk through at work calls them allys, isn’t that weird?) As for the sticker – well it says it all – you are one tuff mutha! (can I say that? I hope so!)

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    • Oh, goodness, Jacqui. I mean, a part of me WANTS to put this knowledge to good use, while the other, of course, hopes I never need to. HOWEVER, if I’m in the right time and place to save someone from being mugged or worse, I’ll be glad I could help. Assuming, of course, that I can. I’m not going to get ahead of myself here.

      But, oh, heck yes, that will make for a great story. I imagine wanting to write it up for the blog will be my first thought afterward. Well, that or telling my instructor all about it. 🙂

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    • Ha! Fun that you also read my exchange with John. And, yeah, if I didn’t NEED to spell it correctly, why would I bother trying? Hmmph.

      I *almost* mentioned the earrings, but decided against it, thinking people might be like, “Enough with the earrings already!” I would’ve expected that from you most of all, actually, since you’re the one who made that previous memorable comment!

      But if I HAD mentioned them, it would be to say that the bad spot has healed enough that I can safely take them in and out without too much trouble. A little trouble, but not much. After a previous class, during which there was a small spot of blood I easily wiped away, Instructor texted and kindly said, basically, lose the earrings or get headgear. 🙂 So next class, the three easy ones came out, but I was certain the bad spot would heal shut, so I left it in BUT covered it with a bandaid for safe keeping. I also pulled my hair over top for an extra layer of protection. No blood that day. And all good now.

      Super long answer. Sorry. But also, head gear? Can you imagine anything more dorky? No thank you. I had responded to his text with: I had come to the same conclusion. The earrings have gotta go.

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  16. I would say your blog is due for a name change too. Ooh, you should have a contest! Let us vote on it! It’s not like you own this domain name or anything.

    If I sent back every wobbly stack of pancakes I’ve ever been served, I’d probably never eat breakfast again.

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  17. Here’s one you can share with your instructor: “The fourth little piggy’s house was made of wolf skulls. It wasn’t very sturdy, but it sent a message.” 😀 Maybe it works better when you see it in the meme like when I first saw it 🙂

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  21. Pingback: He said it. | parentingisfunny

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