Forest green plastic covered the small room’s floor and halfway up the walls. I lay on my back. On me sat a small man wearing a full body mauve rash guard.

“Isn’t this precisely the sort of situation I’m trying to avoid?” I thought to myself.

The door opened behind me. “Oh, good, I’m saved!” I thought, only to see a rotund middle-aged man enter, paying me no attention as he walked on by.

“My situation has not improved,” I thought. Nor was it likely to get any better when a third man entered, built the same as the first, who also ignored me.

Soon the two of them were on the floor nearby, grappling with one another, as the man on top of me gave me instructions on how to remove him.

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