Apr10

Saturday class and a T-shirt contest

Posted on April 10, 2022 by Ilsa Rey

The guy who said I have the perfect limbs for crushing someone’s life out (Be still my heart) was the only one unpartnered when I arrived for Saturday’s class. I was glad I’d already met him during the Triangle Choke class, as that made this much easier.

“Looks like it’s you and me,” I said on approach.

“Let’s do it,” he said with a nod.

This man is my new Timmy/Andre in general size, except Andre was careful with me. (Despite that whole bending my foot backward incident.) This New Andre, whom I’ll call Drake, heavily dragged his leg over mine multiple times (as expected, I’m feeling it today) and gave me a knee to the stomach. I said “Oof” many times and a couple of “Ow”s.

Still a nice guy, he was at least trying to not hurt me.

At one point he said, “You got Draked.”

Somehow, in the moment, I found it funny. Now, I just find it as lame as lame can be. I hope to avoid partnering with him in future classes.

After class, I had an opportunity to “relate” to Li’l Trejo.

T-shirt on Amazon, in case you’re interested.

“I saw a Korn sticker on your water bottle a while back,” I told him.

“Yeah.” He smiled.

“One time after class, I turned on the radio and a Korn song was playing. So I cranked it up and drove fast. Then I got stopped at a light.”

“Oh,” he grimaced.

“I was like, doesn’t this light know I just came from Jiu-Jitsu? I need to GO!”

He smiled in understanding. “I like metal like Korn and Disturbed…”

I nodded in recognition. Disturbed has a cool cover of The Sound of Silence. Don’t ask me to name any other songs. And I only knew I was listening to Korn because I used Shazam, a song recognition app.

Li’l Trejo continued with other band names foreign to me. “I just love music.”

“Me too,” I said.

“Not a lot of girls like Korn. It’s rad that you do.”

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Apr7

Wednesday night’s class

Posted on April 7, 2022 by Ilsa Rey

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My shoulders hurt after Monday’s Jiu-Jitsu class, so Tuesday night I thought to myself: I gotta bandage my shoulders before tomorrow’s class.

Wednesday morning: I gotta bandage my shoulders before tonight’s class.

Wednesday afternoon: I gotta bandage my shoulders before tonight’s class.

Wednesday night’s class: I didn’t bandage my shoulders.

Because I simply refuse to wear the thick hot heavy gi top, much to Jiu-Jitsu purple belt blog buddy Tom’s consternation, I knew my shoulders were going to take a hit.

It was 80 degrees yesterday, okay?! And even hotter in the gym. I put both fists up to bump Surfer Dudes 1 and 2 as I slid between them against the wall.

“It’s hot in here,” remarked SD2.

“No kidding,” I said.

“Hi, Betsy,” said SD1, clearly harboring no grudge for last class’s rear naked choke.

This class was Elbow Escape, which requires “shrimping”: moving away from your opponent by pushing off the floor with one foot and rotating on the opposite shoulder. Basically, we’re curling then straightening our bodies to move backwards, much like how a shrimp swims when it wants to get away quickly.

To add injury to injury, Instructor had everyone lay down and practice shrimping from one side of the room to the other and back again. I was feeling the sting immediately. Here’s where the gi top would’ve helped, but I had planned to have pre-bandaged shoulders! And that was before I knew this class would involve any shrimping, let alone a TON of shrimping.

The elbow escape itself requires not one but three shrimps, or in my case, four. My opponent was on the short side, so I needed to shrimp an extra time to create space for my foot to get out from behind his knee.

This one’s not as bad. Some spots are scabbed over.

And I’ve been remiss in posting pics for “What’s! That! Bruise!?” so here’s an elbow.

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Apr5

Discouragement, thy name is Betsy

Posted on April 5, 2022 by Ilsa Rey

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At Monday night’s Jiu-Jitsu class, Enthusiastic Teen arrived when I did. We exchanged the usual pleasantries. “Hi, Betsy, how are you?” “Good, Enthusiastic Teen. How ’bout yourself?” “Good, thanks.”

We found our cards, set them on Instructor’s desk, then I pulled ET to the mat, ready to sweep him, but he beat me to it. (Dang it! Gotta be quicker!)

I glom onto ET because he’s a kid. I don’t care about decorum and asking politely to practice with him. I just grabbed him and said, “Let’s do this.” He’s fun to work with, but also difficult.

I wanted to practice the Triangle Choke. I was on my back with my legs in a vice grip around his throat. I had him all locked up, but he wasn’t choking. (Discouragement #1)

“Have you got it?” he said.

“I think so.”

“You sure?”

I nodded.

Then he stood.

He’s 6 feet or so and swung me around in a circle with my head hanging by his knees.

“Ach! Put me down!” And he did, eventually.

“Nice job hanging on, Betsy,” came Instructor’s voice. “Sometime I’ll show you the sweep so he can’t do that to you.”

So it’s a sweep. I imagine an ankle sweep with my hands. Good to know.

Still…

The rest of class was centered on the Elevator Sweep, one I know well, but had a hard time doing authentically on much larger ET. (Discouragement #2) He was basically just rolling over and saying, “Oh, no. You got me. You’re so strong,” in a fake, mocking tone.

ET can be such a punk. At one point I said, “Sorry, was that word not on your SAT prep?” So I guess I can be a punk too. (Too bad I can’t remember what the word was. Still, it was a sick burn.)

At the end of class came Wall Drills.

Instructor had us line up on either side of the room. “If you’re above 5’10” go to the opposite wall.” Bye-bye, ET. Have fun practicing with the big kids.

Remember a few posts ago when I was bragging about Older Gentleman saying, “Wow,” because I could throw him off but he couldn’t throw me off? Yeah, well, that’s because he doesn’t really know Jiu-Jitsu yet.

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Apr3

Crazy with a Green Belt

Posted on April 3, 2022 by Ilsa Rey

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One blog name suggestion during the “contest” was “Crazy with a Yellow Belt.” If we had gone with that, it would need to be updated now.

The green belt test was not nearly as embarrassing as my yellow belt test. Did I still screw something up?

Of course I did.

When the testing was complete, Sensei instructed my partner and me to return to our starting line. I began jogging to the spot I’d been seated before being called up for the test. I realized halfway there that he meant our starting line from which we DID the test.

I turned around and smiled at him sheepishly as I returned to the appropriate line. Fortunately, he smiled back. It’s a good thing we’re friends or he might have instead been irritated, annoyed, or given me a reproving look.

I later considered that it pays to be a nice, friendly person. That greases the skids of forgiveness for my flubs. If I weren’t nice, he might have reacted differently. I synthesized that thought process down into this text exchange:

Soon after, the girls and I got the flu. I was worried we might have spread it to him, so I gave him a heads up and suggested he take preventative measures. Then it occurred to me that I had an opportunity to get back at him for his snark and maybe get a leg up for a change. Here’s what I wrote post-testing, pre-belt ceremony:

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Mar23

Watching the sunrise through the Jiu-Jitsu window

Posted on March 23, 2022 by Ilsa Rey

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Watching the sunrise through the Jiu-Jitsu window

I woke up early and failed to fall back asleep. When I looked at the clock 35 minutes later, I realized the morning class started in 30 minutes.

Could I make it? Did I want to get up? Not really. If I did would I have time to eat? There was that one Saturday class where I woke up too late to eat much and nearly passed out. Ironically, today’s class was the same lesson.

Finally, with 20 minutes until class started, I flung the blankets from me.

It was still fully night when I left, which was disappointing. I wanted some spectacular sunrise, especially after Chatter Master’s enticing propaganda piece for mornings. (I know that was directed at me, CM!) I ate most of a banana on the way and a couple gulps of Muscle Milk.

The moon when I arrived, on time. The gym was still dark. I thought, Are you kidding me? Is class actually canceled this morning when I finally get up for it? But then Instructor rolled up a few minutes late, and several others poured from their cars, lying in wait, as I was.

I recognized three people from other classes. (Where has Timmy/Andre been hiding? Haven’t seen him in months.) One older gentleman with brown hair I strongly suspect is dyed, was milling, so I offered to practice with him. (Look at me go! So much easier when there are only a handful of students.)

This was Older Gentleman’s (OG’s?) fifth class. I couldn’t help but think, “Aww. I remember when it was my fifth class.” Suddenly I was Nate the Great commiserating with THIS guy about how difficult it was when *I* first started.

In fact, I was the most senior student there. My, how the tables have turned. I was actually teaching THIS guy how to do the moves, such as the basic trap and roll. When I did it to him, a guy much bigger than me, he said, “Wow. I didn’t think you’d be able to do that.”

Jiu-Jitsu, baby!

Jumping ahead briefly to the end of class, it was his turn to try to throw me off, but I got my hooks in and hands out for base, switching from side to side as he tried to roll me this way and that, exhausting himself until he gave up. “Wow,” he said again in a tone of, “This stuff really works.” I threw my arms overhead in triumph. (Like I should’ve done with Andre.)

I’ve always thought 5’6″ 130-pound Instructor was the poster child for the effectiveness of Jiu-Jitsu, but move over, buddy!

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Mar19

New blog feature: “What’s! That! Bruise?”

Posted on March 19, 2022 by Ilsa Rey

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I can’t help but read those three words and hear them shouted in unison by a game show audience. You?

I discovered a few more bruises on my arms and thought, Huh. Wonder what those are from. Could be Jiu-Jitsu, could be from running into something. Well, probably not. That does happen on occasion, but I’m not a klutz. Though I have no problem making fun of myself. For instance, has anyone heard me sing? Of course not, because anyone who has immediately takes their life afterward.

Probably could’ve taken those in a more balanced manner. Sorry about that. Not trying to elbow you in the face.

~~~

Like all good stories, this one begins with a cat.

The neighbor’s cat was strolling toward our front door, so I immediately opened it to invite him in. He politely declined the offer by launching himself bodily into the nearest bush.

This did, however, enable me to discover two packages waiting for me.

Two (nearly) identical packages.

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Mar14

Ilsa gets silly

Posted on March 14, 2022 by Ilsa Rey

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I arrived late to Jiu-Jitsu Monday night, which I don’t mind, as I want to avoid the practice-before-class-officially-starts part. I was not late enough, however. The only un-partnered person on the mat was the only one who scares me. Not because he’s big, but because he looks like a dude who would be typecast as the bad guy. He’s the Danny Trejo of Jiu-Jitsu.

The guy in my class is young, though, long haired and with knuckle tattoos. He looks like he’d be one of Chicken Man’s henchmen in Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul.

I was more than happy to stretch out waaaaaay on the other side of the mat from Li’l Trejo until Instructor spotted me and suggested I jump in with this guy. Fine. I greeted him and offered a fist bump. He lifted a hand to shake. We both smiled. He closed his hand for a bump. I opened mine for a shake. We laughed, we smiled, we gave up on a third attempt, and I realized he’s not the classic villain, he’s the family pet, namely, the sweet puppy dog.

I wasn’t paired with him during class but with a guy who had the darkest blue eyes I’d ever seen on a human. He was also a bit rough. When trying to do the move, he made me work for it. I’m used to guys taking it easy on me. Maybe I should be grateful that this guy didn’t treat me as anything special.

He also gave me my latest war wounds:

Harder to see, but a scratch that curls underneath and some old bruise on the left.

Instructor is great about including me. Months ago, when there were more people in the 11:00 class, he was angled away from me as he told a story “to the guys,” but then he turned his head and made eye contact with me as well, bringing me into the group. It was then that I truly felt I’d been accepted as one of them, at least by him.

In our recent one-on-one classes, he’d say, “When you get to Master Cycle…” which comes after this beginners’ Combatives course. Notice the “when,” not “if.”

Tonight he twice said “man or woman.” For instance, “…with your thumb pointed back at yourself because you’re the man or the woman.”

A couple funnies: He was crouched over his opponent, calling it “Spiderman pose.” Then he put both hands out, middle fingers pressed to his palms. This must have been a new one, not only to me, because the literal actual black belt next to me chuckled along with me.

Another time he said, with a completely straight face, “You want to go fast, not only because it’s smoother, but because it looks cool.”

Next he talked about doing the arm bar on someone much stronger. “If you need to, you can grab the top of his hand for greater leverage, but I’ve really only needed to do that twice.” He continued instructions and asked if anyone had questions.

A guy raised his hand and asked, “Was I one of those two?”

Instructor thought for a moment. “You might have been, yeah.”

And in the brief moment of silence that followed, I was feeling comfortable enough to be silly. See if you can guess how.

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Mar13

The first rule of Fight Club…

Posted on March 13, 2022 by Ilsa Rey

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I’ve mentioned that I teach middle and high school girls self defense after school once a week. My Partner in Crime (PiC) teaches the boys. We’ve been doing this in a classroom, pushing the desks and chairs off to the side, and laying mats on the floor. The teacher of that room often comes in, carefully skirting the mats (we have a strict no shoes on the mat rule) to get something from his desk.

It’s also the classroom where teacher meetings are usually held. One afternoon the principal got on the intercom to announce a teacher meeting. Just before he could say which room to meet in, this particular teacher rushed into the principal’s office and said, “Not the 8th grade! They’re doing Fight Club in there!”

I was so glad someone witnessed this and told me about it later.

Before weather was less permissive, we stretched the mats out on the grass in the courtyard. Frequently teachers, sometimes parents, would walk by, staring. It undoubtedly looked weird. I’d wave to them from the ground as I had their child or student locked up in Punch Box Stage 1, for instance.

“Nothing to see here. Just teaching your sweet girl how to hurt people.” (Didn’t actually say that. But it was implied.)

Recently a girl showed up late so one of my students got her up to speed. “Come here. Let me show you. First you do this, this, then this, this,” etc.

I stood there watching, hands clasped to my chest, fighting back tears (just kidding), but I was so very very proud.

~~~

Because I brought Neighbor to class, Instructor offered me a free t-shirt with the Gracie Jiu-Jitsu logo and the name of our local gym. He didn’t have an adult small, so he offered me a child’s large.

The child’s large was too big for me.

I relayed this story to PiC. He said, “You need to eat more.”

Ya think?

So he prescribed me this “diet:”

I shared the t-shirt story with another friend and told him of PiC’s prescribed milkshake routine to bulk up. He said, “Well, yeah,” and pointed at my arm.

So I punched him in his biceps.

He rubbed it. “That was a good hit.”

Because he knows I do Jiu-Jitsu, I told him, “That was my Taekwondo training. And if it bruises, I want to see it.”

I texted this story to my sensei because I realized afterward that I had proper form without having to think about it. I thought he’d be proud. Instead:

I also told him about my other friend and the milkshake diet. He responded:

It’s great that both my martial arts instructors are funny.

So I’ve been trying to eat more and drink my milkshakes, which are quite yummy. Too bad they are meant to be in addition to other meals, but they usually wind up being the meal.

Then, of course, because nothing can go my way for long, this happened:

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Mar11

Wednesday night’s class

Posted on March 11, 2022 by Ilsa Rey

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The highlights:

When I was putting my stuff in the cubby before class, Instructor came over and told me he would pair me with “Nate,” the gray-haired blue belt to whom I’d said, “I guess you’re stuck with me,” at that awful Saturday class. Then he walked across the room to Nate and gave him instructions on the last thing I’d learned and therefore what to practice with me. I appreciated Instructor’s attentiveness. Nate gave me helpful pointers, went slowly, and even commiserated about how hard it was when he was new to this.

When class started, Instructor collected our cards as we were lined up along the wall. I noticed that the guy next to me had fewer X’s on his card. “Thanks for being even newer than I am,” I said. He smiled. Later on, Instructor used his classic, “You want to be stacked shoulder over shoulder, hip over hip. When you go to Denny’s and they give you a stack of pancakes but one is off on the side, that’s not acceptable.” This newer guy laughed, and that made me smile. That was me two weeks ago, cracking up at the lightsaber and Jedi lines when no one else was. I guess they get repeated, and laughing only shows your newness.

Thank you, Daria of pixabay, for the photo.

A moment later he added, “Actually, I wouldn’t really mind if a pancake was sticking out.” [Mark, who previously took issue with his pancake comment, may appreciate knowing he would still eat the outlying pancake.]

The door opened, and I was delighted to see Enthusiastic Teen enter. I’d only seen him once, back in December. He seemed unmoved by my presence, the punk. But for a short time, he was partnered with Nate and me. I must have curled my hand at him in a “bring it” gesture. He said, “Like you could hurt me.”

“I have a stripe now, so watch it.”

He picked up the end of my belt, pretending to examine the stripe for authenticity. I was glad his playfulness had returned. So did another guy, so ET was off to pair with him.

“Craig,” another upper belt who had been my partner last Saturday, was assisting Instructor by doing the rounds, checking everyone’s form. He stepped closer to give me a fist bump and a “Hi, Betsy.”

When Lopez arrived late, he walked along the opposite wall of where we were all standing to get to the far end of the line. As he did, he smiled and waved at me.

Another time, that new guy from my stripe class said, “Bye, Betsy!” as I was on my way out the door.

I’m reminded of what I said after my first class: “I intend to win over all these fellows.” I seem to be off to a good start. Maybe I’m less ignorable and can be taken more seriously because it’s clear I’m here to stay. Also, these are really just a nice bunch of dudes. From everything I’ve seen, not just from being in this class, Jiu-Jitsu seems to attract them.

I had said in my last post that I’ll miss being able to chat with Instructor, but at the end of class, he was alone at his desk as I was about to leave.

“Did you try an orange yet?” I asked.

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Mar9

The universe strikes another blow

Posted on March 9, 2022 by Ilsa Rey

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I thought I’d finally gotten a leg up. (Man, these Jiu-Jitsu puns are writing themselves!) I went to another Saturday class, did as a BBB advised, and just inserted myself in with the guys.

“Mind if I squeeze in here?” I asked two stretching against the wall.

“Oh, sure,” one said and scooched over a bit.

Seeing these same guys two weeks in a row helps, I think. They’re hopefully getting more used to the Girl in their Midst. (In case you’re unsure, yes, I was going for a Gorilla in the Mist thing there.)

One guy I recognized from the previous Saturday was assigned to me by Instructor, so he had no choice but to partner with me. That was basically fine. Then, just like last Saturday, Lopez showed up late. I don’t know if he was told to, or if he jumped in with me on his own, but my previous partner melted in to a group elsewhere without a word. Maybe with a breath of relief? Who knows.

Lopez, as I’ve mentioned, is great. I was happy to show off my white stripe. “Hey, great! Congratulations,” he said, and the rest of the class passed without incident.

Then Monday’s daytime class was mysteriously canceled. I tried to make it to the evening class, but I just couldn’t swing it. (Eh, maybe a pseudo-pun. That seems more appropriate for a Taekwondo post.)

Then this morning I checked the course calendar and discovered this: