Author Archives: Ilsa Rey

About Ilsa Rey

Mother, martial artist, author of the forthcoming novel, Wish I Was Here (December 2025).

Jan15

Insulting Thoughtful One

Posted on January 15, 2025 by Ilsa Rey

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This is a now slightly-outdated picture of my Jiu-Jitsu card. Thoughtful One’s is far more impressive.

Thoughtful One arrived after me, and since I saw him coming, I grabbed his card from the box when I grabbed mine. His card was full save a few Fight Simulation boxes on the bottom.

I handed him his card and said, “Nice and full.”

“What?” he said, tossing his card onto the bench in a manner that made me think, “Ooookay.”

“Your card. It’s practically full.”

“Oh.” He relaxed. “I thought you were commenting on my stomach. I appreciate the honesty, but…”

I laughed. “Yeah, man, big breakfast or something?”

I would never be rude to any of these people, if not for self-preservation, for basic human decency, and because none of them give reason for rudeness.

~~~

When the gym had a Christmas party, I brought my son so he could play with the Little Instructors again like on our two park days. Thoughtful One brought his wife and, after introducing me to her, added, “She’s a novelist.”

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Jan5

The Last Bookstore

Posted on January 5, 2025 by Ilsa Rey

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The Last Bookstore in L.A. is where our family went over Thanksgiving break. (Maybe, eventually, I’ll get around to posting about our Christmas break).

But before I get to that, a followup to my “Best laid (sneaky Christmas) plans” post. Originally, I was hitting up thrift stores because I meant the coat for Mrs. Instructor to be a gag gift. But then my focus shifted.

Now on to the blog post!

The Last Bookstore was featured in the blog of my homegirl Janis at Retirementally Challenged (clever!) My eyes lit up when I read:

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Dec27

Best laid (sneaky Christmas) plans

Posted on December 27, 2024 by Ilsa Rey

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My Jiu-Jitsu instructor loves the oranges from our tree. Once I was holding a bag of them when I came in for class. “Hi, Ilsa,” he greeted me.

“Hi,” I replied cheerfully, as one does and then usually moves on. But he held his ground, looking at me with a big smile. Okay, weird, I thought.

Then he said, “Who are the oranges for?”

“Oh! You, of course.” I had figured that was a given, but he later told me he was excited, so he wanted to be sure. Ha!

I typically deliver oranges in an empty tortilla bag. Once I confused Mrs. Instructor when her husband brought home a box of crackers that was actually full of oranges. Another time, I finally emptied the last of my protein powder that had expired months prior (so much for bulking up), and thought the container too nice to toss. But what could I use it for?

Oranges, of course!

Then there was that whole trench coat incident. Mrs. Instructor had called me an orange dealer, so I said I should bring in oranges under a trench coat.

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Dec10

Rolling with Surfer Dude

Posted on December 10, 2024 by Ilsa Rey

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The class started, as usual, with Mrs. Instructor and me partnering together. Also, as usual, we struggled to remember the moves. I’m generally inclined to watch other groups and try to figure it out from them, but Mrs. Instructor is, for some strange reason, NOT afraid of the instructor, as though she’s perfectly comfortable with him or something.

“I’m raising my hand,” she said.

Fiiiiinnneee.

Instructor joined us, but then Surfer Dude (SD) arrived, so Instructor helped his wife and assigned SD to me. That was all good.

Then Instructor introduced our next move, a “bear roll.”

You reach one hand through the other person’s knees, the other hand under their back, grab their wrist with both hands, get a strong stance, bend, lift, flip. Voila!

I looked at SD with one eyebrow raised.

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Dec5

Just when I thought my life couldn’t get any crazier

Posted on December 5, 2024 by Ilsa Rey

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Just when I thought my life couldn’t get any crazier

Who am I kidding? I never thought that.

Anyway, heading home one day, passing the house on the corner, which I pass every time I leave or come home, a guy walking toward the front door half turned to look my way as I drove by.

Whoa, I thought. That guy looks a lot like the guitarist from Surfer Dude and Blue Belt’s band.

Nah, couldn’t be.

But then… right build, right height, right hair, right half of face I saw as he turned (actually it was the left side), though I was across the street and driving by quickly…

His bandmates call him “Subie” because he drives a Subaru, and I have admired that beautiful blue car in the driveway every time I see it, even once thinking, “Hey, a Subaru, like Subie.”

The similarities were enough for me to reach out to Blue Belt as soon as I pulled into my driveway.

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Dec1

Early book reviews and utter craziness

Posted on December 1, 2024 by Ilsa Rey

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You may or may not have noticed I’ve done some site upgrades, including a new title to reflect the blog content, new about/contact (which is sort of funny), and a page called My book.

At My book, I have the synopsis and a few early reviews from kindly fellow authors. One guy wrote me in October saying he would read the book in December. A few days later, he wrote, “Got hooked. Will finish it this weekend.” The next day, he wrote, “What a fun read. Loved it. I think you have a hit on your hands.”

I didn’t mind that.

My kidlit author buddy, Mike Allegra, is currently reading it and said, “This book is fast-paced and fun!” He has been emailing as he goes, making predictions, which is both great and frightening, depending on how close to the truth he gets. I’m gratified that his guesses at plot twists are not the same as another reader’s.

This other reader emailed with subject line, “Wow,” followed by:

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Nov26

Fun with Photoshop

Posted on November 26, 2024 by Ilsa Rey

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Not photoshopped: Here I am with four of my Jiu-Jitsu friends at a going away party for Tess (middle).

Since Tess’s departure to the other side of the country, I’ve had a running gag going in our JJ Ladies text group, frequently implying that Tess will be present at whatever get-together we plan.

I’ll say things like, “Tess, when does your flight arrive? I’ll pick you up.”

I used it recently when trying to plan a karaoke night. When we moved the date, I wrote: “Tess, I hope you can avoid a change of flight fee.”

Then it was, “Who wants to join Tess and me at karaoke?”

This made Tess laugh and “Pink” say, “I love how you keep sneaking Tess in there.”

Karaoke night never came to fruition, but that didn’t stop me from having a little fun.

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