Author Archives: Ilsa Rey

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About Ilsa Rey

Mother, martial artist, author of the forthcoming novel, Wish I Was Here (December 2025).
Oct5

This is why I’ll never make it as an author

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This is why I’ll never make it as an author

Here’s what happened.

Friday night was the school’s football homecoming game. Usually Hubby takes the kids, and I chill at home alone, blissfully. Ah, introversion. I was also super tired, so a low-key quiet night sounded great.

But, I wrote this book…

Apparently it’s harder to sell books if you don’t talk to people???

The funny, talented, and inspirational Cheryl said she keeps a box of books in her trunk (can do), and then SELLS them to people. (Wait, wut?) She even stops at garage sales and gets the sellers–sellers!–to buy her book!

Cheryl’s book. I bought it without her asking me to. That’s how good she is.

That’s next level salesmanship. I could never.

But, I chugged some caffeine, put a box of books in the trunk of the family van, and the six of us hauled off to the game. I ambitiously put four books in my purse with Hubby saying he could run back to the van if I needed more.

HAHAHAHA!

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Sep28

About that launch party…

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About that launch party…

Allow me to take you back in time several weeks. Hop aboard.

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Sep11

At the DMV again

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At the DMV again

Allow me to take you back in time two weeks to my daughter’s and my lovely visit, as they all are, to the DMV. (In case you’re new here, I get a little sarcasticy. I also make up words.)

Daughter’s driving test appointment was at 1:00. We got there around 12:30 and were able to check in right away, but there was a long line of testers ahead of us. We waited on the floor inside for quite a while. Finally, we joined a long line of cars waiting outside. It was 85 degrees, so we kept the van running with the A/C on for who knows how long? An hour? Time has no meaning in those situations.

Also with us was my 8-year-old son, missing school because he hadn’t been feeling well. Like all boys his age, he was quite placid, sitting patiently in the backseat, tapping his knees, humming pleasantly. (Sarcasticy again.)

I turned on the radio to try to calm him. He used the opportunity to “sing along” by saying, “I’m booooreeeeddd” repeatedly in time to the tune. Great stuff! (Yep. You’re getting it now. Sarcasm.)

Finally, it was Daughter’s turn for the drive test with “David,” if that’s even his REAL NAME, so Son and I “relaxed” on an outdoor bench in the shade.

Another mom whose daughter was in line behind us eventually joined us.

“This is nerve-wracking, isn’t it?” I said to her.

“Yes, and this is my daughter’s second try.”

“Oh gosh. I hope she passes,” I said, meanwhile, thinking smugly that SURELY my daughter will pass on the FIRST try.

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Sep8

Whew… and breathe!

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Whew… and breathe!

I had the week from hell. My stress was distressed.

I had been waiting for the publisher to tell me when early copies of Wish I Was Here would be available. I had hoped I’d have them for a Sept. 20 launch party. Greg the Guitarist was on alert for the go sign to book the brewery. (Pun. “Book.”)

I had no forewarning when: The books are available Right Now!

Quick! Check the brewery calendar for the 20th! Aaaaaannnnddddd… booked. (Still a pun.)

Wait! Sept. 6 is open! That’s three weeks away!

Greg??

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Aug19

Because I go to stupid lengths for humor

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Because I go to stupid lengths for humor

Like all great stories, this one begins and ends with zucchini.

Here’s what happened.

As planned, I made [read: commissioned Baking Daughter to make] muffins with the zucchini from the Senseis’ bounteous garden. I showed Sensei:

Lots of mini muffins. Hubby took some to work. Daughter took some to friends.

Sensei said, “Want to make a trade??? You need raw materials, I need finished goods.”

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Aug11

Teaching girls to kick butt and take names

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Teaching girls to kick butt and take names

This was my third year teaching a girls’ self defense summer camp. I wore a boot for my not-quite-healed broken foot, but I made it work.

The last day was a flurry of fast-paced review, interrupted briefly by what the girls called “story time” for which they gathered around me in a semi-circle.

I’d already given a speech about situational awareness and how their level of alertness should go up as the comfort of their surroundings goes down. (And for goodness sake, don’t be looking at your phone.) This time I gave them real talk about danger from non-strangers and what to do if a relative, family friend, or future coworker makes them uncomfortable.

At the end, one of them said, “That wasn’t a very fun story.” So I added, “Then you grab their head and smash your knee in their face!”

They all shouted, “Yay!”

Not even kidding. It always amuses me how stiff and quiet they are the first few days. By the end,

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Jul26

Take cover!

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Cover me.

I’m going under cover.

Cover your mouth when you sneeze?

Okay, fine. I was trying to be unique and not do the standard announcement, but…

Cover Reveal!

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Jul19

Yes, I am alive. And, well…

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Yes, I am alive. And, well…

Actually, I am well. I just wanted to use that title.

What’s most occupying me these days is a two-week girls’ self defense camp I’m teaching at my kids’ school. I’m halfway through and loving it. The girls are so attentive and into it. One girl showed up on day one looking the picture of, “I don’t want to be here, but my mom is making me do this.” However, she perked up quickly and was smiling throughout class. Win!

One of my daughters is helping me and is a dynamo. “I really like martial arts,” she said, and it shows.

One day we did Taekwondo kicks. Not in a position to be doing those myself, I spoke, Daughter demonstrated. Then, feeling nostalgic, she stood on one leg and threw kicks of different sorts in all directions. One student said, “Go, Elise!” And we clapped. Whichever girl she partners with I can ignore because I know Elise will help her with the moves as needed, leaving me to watch over the others.

She’s also multi-talented. For July 4th, she made mini cupcakes. Starting with white cake batter, she divided it into three bowls and put red and blue food coloring into each of the two other bowls. So, not only were the cupcakes striped red, white, and blue (and delicious), she used tweezers (washed first!) to painstakingly embellish the frosting with tiny sprinkles.

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Jul6

Writing and Martial Arts

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Writing and Martial Arts

The Writing Part

Saw these on Amazon and was tempted. The bottom of my feet is what people see when they come into my room while I’m writing on my bed. But, it’s kind of mean. Then again, I only wear footwear on the right foot, so, it could work…

Anyway, here’s something funny and ironic. How many of you caught the typo in my last post?

“Despite all the work, I know stuff it still going to get missed.”

Wow.

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Jun25

Bookblock and book cover

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Bookblock and book cover

The email from the publisher began:

“We have now begun the production cycle for your book, Wish I Was Here. Your submitted final manuscript has been professionally formatted into a custom PDF bookblock and attached here for your review.”

I had been texting with a coworker when this email popped up, prompting me to hastily exit that conversation and clock out of my day job.

The cover was also attached. Naturally, I began there. Oh, how I wish I could show you the cover, but it’s still a work in progress. When I saw it, I didn’t hate it. But I didn’t love it.

I sent it to my Faithful Few for feedback. (Isn’t it wonderful when alliteration happens naturally?) I got varied responses:

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