Oct22

Alright, alright, already!

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Alright, alright, already!

I received this message a little bit ago:

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is ilsa.png

First of all, aren’t you a subscriber so you get notified when there IS something here and don’t need to keep checking? (Take note, all of you.)

Second, I’ve been swamped with work and authorly stuff, like bio, acknowledgements, finding other authors to write blurbs, etc. [Check, check, and check, but those were the easy items.]

Third, this means I’ve been ignoring all other blogs, and I feel guilty when I post here but don’t visit others.

But the above message is what I get for telling Mrs. Instructor I had a post waiting in the wings called “The One About Mrs. Instructor.” Some people just love seeing their name in lights blogs. So, without further ado…

The One About Mrs. Instructor

Space to line up against the wall for Jiu-Jitsu one night was limited. Mrs. Instructor headed toward the small opening between Thoughtful One and me.

“Mind if I stand next to Ilsa?” she asked him.

Thoughtful One being, you know, thoughtful, said, “H*ll no! Find your own spot!”

I’m kidding. He shifted down.

The line up on another night. Too bad she’s cut off.

Mrs. Instructor is my default partner. When Pink is there, she seems to have intuited that Mrs. Inst. and I are each other’s go-to and pairs with someone else like the Combatives Belt Kid.

One night, there were a record five women in class. When it was time to pair up, Pink and Ginseng happily found a spot on the mat together. I stood between the other two women. “Cat” on my left (because she has the same name as my neighbor’s cat that tried to adopt us) and Mrs. Inst. on my right.

“Am I going to have to fight for you?” Mrs. Inst. stage whispered. But no need for alarm. We utilized the ol’ hang back trick. Sure enough, Cat stepped forward from the wall and got scooped up by someone. Heh heh, sucker. Mrs. Inst. and I looked at each other and grinned.

Another time, we didn’t manage to stand next to each other, making the situation more precarious. I was now between Cat and Pink, with Mrs. Inst. on the other side of Cat. Rather than pay close attention to instructions, I was considering the possibility of partnering with Pink instead, since that seemed logical based on the order we were standing.

But once again, the other two ladies stepped away from the wall first and therefore partnered. Mrs. Inst. slid over to quickly filled the space between us, and we linked arms. To seal the deal, we also giggled like school girls.

Later, she sent me this Instagram reel.

“What are you trying to say?” I asked her. “That working with me is like working with a dead body?”

“No, that when your old body gives out, I’m still dragging you back to class.”

Apparently there is no escape for me.

This is how I roll.

Instructor came by to observe his wife doing the move. To me he said, “Great bad guy behavior, Ilsa,“ which made me laugh. Literally, all I had to do was lie there. Like a dead body.

When I had to frame her neck with my forearm, Mrs. Inst. commented that I have a good arm blade, “Nice and pointy,” she said. “Gotta keep that choking limbs reputation going.”

Even though I know she reads this, hearing someone at the gym reference something from my blog was momentarily frightening, like, “Oh my gosh. Someone here KNOWS.” But of course she knows. 😉

[Quick side note: Not long ago, Andre the Giant said, “You’ve got good chokes.” And thus my streak continues!]

The two of us watching the brother instructors do their thang. Again she’s cut off. She has a complete body! Honest!

At the rolling portion after the regular part of class, Mrs. Inst. and I were doing the usual: Her–beating the snot out of me. Me–Trying to squirm out of whatever submission she’s lining up, with moderate success.

“No more Mrs. Nice Instructor, I see,” I told her at one point. Then: “Ooooh, I’m going to use that on my blog.”

I witnessed Instructor observing us for a moment before announcing to the room, “If your partner is going too crazy, let me know.”

Was he talking about me? I thought I was being awesome, but maybe flailing limbs was not so much proper technique as it was looking like a crazy person.

But we all know that’s my default.

When the timer went off and Instructor called, “Switch partners,” Mrs. Inst. and I ignored him and kept practicing. He came over and asked if we wanted to keep working together. She told him yes.

It’s nice having the instructor’s wife on my side.

When the next timer went off, we paused but stayed seated close together. Surfer Dude came over and said, “Do you two want to keep working together?” She told him yes.

It’s nice having the back-up instructor’s sister-in-law on my side.

Getting striped.

Mrs. Instructor earns her stripe, though her husband’s thumb is covering it. Also: See? Complete body! I TOLD you!

Since I was absent this night, I found out through our Jiu-Jitsu ladies group text that Mrs. Inst. received her first stripe on her blue belt. I messaged her separately to congratulate her and say, “Why didn’t you tell me?!”

She said, “I was waiting to see if you would notice.”

Is that cute or what?

Correct answer: Yes.

Other correct answer: 3. (More explanation later. I still have lots to do.)

There, Mrs. Instructor. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

I’m kidding! I love you! Please don’t hurt me!

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46 responses »

  1. Hopefully she’s happy. Some of my friends and family like being featured, but some refuse to read the blog. And occasionally a niece will message me about another niece”making the blog” and I’m not sure if the messaging niece is pleased or envious.

    Liked by 2 people

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  2. So is this new book going to make you world famous? I’d like to be able to say to people, “I’ve been following her blog since before it was world famous.”

    and don’t worry, I haven’t posted anything recently that could ignore.

    Liked by 2 people

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  5. Yeah, this is why I use the WP reader for all the blogs I subscribe to. When something new is written, it automatically shows up and I don’t have to check 45+ individual blogs every day 😀

    You definitely have a knack for telling stories and I’m glad you’ve been able to channel that into writing books as well.

    Liked by 2 people

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  7. congrats to her and you two are like mischievous kids in gym class, trying to get picked for the same team. with a little more strength involved. you two clearly have become friends/battle partners, which is a tricky balance. glad you are going gung ho on the book, you’re a great storyteller

    Liked by 2 people

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  9. The first photo really does look like a line up. I’m picturing one-way glass to the left, with one of your recent conquests on the other side pointing and saying, “That’s HER! The one with the goofy smile who won’t look this way! ILSA!” Speaking of photos, who’s behind the camera when you’re in the shot?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓

    • Fabulous imagination, Dave. I can totally see that. 🙂

      Often these pics were taken by the front desk person. Absenting her, a student is sometimes conscripted. I get access because I have an “in” with the person in charge of the gym’s social media pages–same person who enjoys beating me up and reading about it here–same person who laughs that she’s often cut off in photos other people take.

      Liked by 1 person

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  13. A class with five women in one class? That is so cool! I love that you stayed with it long enough to get the female vibe going. And I never realized SD and Instructor were brothers? So glad you have a JJ buddy and she even crosses the boundaries and is a blog buddy (in a way) too!

    And congrats again on your book deal! So awesome!

    Liked by 2 people

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  14. I figured that now that you’re on your way to literary fame and fortune you had less time for us little bloggy people. Didn’t think a thing about no posts from you. However, as always, I’m happy to see you here.

    Liked by 2 people

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  15. Oh, wow. Mrs. Instructor. Nice…ahem.

    Aren’t you a subscriber so you get notified when there IS something here and don’t need to keep checking?

    Can’t speak for the other guy, Ilsa, but when I subscribe to blogs, I opt out of email notifications…so I still have to check. This is why I’m always three days late in reading and have virtually zero chance at nailing trivia before anyone else. (Thanks for no trivia today!)

    Glad to see your URL switchover went off without a hitch! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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  16. Yes, flawless URL transfer thanks to your patient hand holding! 😛 Slowly migrating super old posts to word docs to freshen the place up. I know, I know, it needs a new look entirely. One thing at a time.

    Understandable about the no emails. That can get onerous. I have most of mine deliver on Saturdays.

    So, you just, on a whim, think, “Huh. I wonder if Ilsa has posted anything lately?”

    Liked by 1 person

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