Aug4

My first Jiu-Jitsu class joke

Posted on by
Standard
My first Jiu-Jitsu class joke

I have old stories I haven’t yet shared, so I must take you back to my Combatives class days for a moment. Please forgive the timeline whiplash.

Instructor is quite funny, seemingly without even trying. For instance: “If you need to take someone down, be careful of what’s behind him. You don’t want to land in the street or on a baby stroller, or koala, or a cat. Be aware of your surroundings.”

I leaned to the woman next me. “Did he say koala?”

“Yeah, I think so,” she said, equally befuddled.

He weaves stuff like this in seamlessly.

Another thing he does is explain a move then ask Surfer Dude if he has anything to add. Since I was often demo partner in SD’s absence, I mentioned to Sensei that my new life goal was to be asked if I had anything to add.

Sensei responded with a characteristic insult. My first clue it was coming was when he opened his mouth. I, however, saw this as an excellent opportunity to make my first class joke.

So each time I was Instructor’s partner, I waited. Would he ask today? No.

Today? Yes! But I legitimately had something to add.

Another day, I could almost feel it coming. I stared at him in eager anticipation, rehearsing the line in my head as he finished up his explanation. Finally, he turned to me and asked those fateful words:

“Anything to add?”

In a raised voice to be sure all could hear, I said, “I probably shouldn’t add anything, because I’m not very good at math.”

I looked at him with a straight face. He looked back at me. Then….

Smile. Chuckle. “Good one,” he said.

Success! There were other laughs to varying degrees among the students, but I was most concerned with Instructor, the king of class humor.

Thanks, Sensei, for your ultimate backfire and making me more fun.

By the way, Sensei rejoined Jiu-Jitsu pretty much just in time for me to leave the beginner class. We did have one class partnered together, however, and because I know he’s dying for me to show you this, here was his parting gift to me.

“Don’t say I never gave you anything! Sensei” around a nice elbow bruise.

Instructor came over to see what this was about. He wasn’t pleased Sensei had bruised me. His brow furrowed, and he basically told me I need to tell Sensei to take it easy.

Like that would do me any good. (For the record, it was an accident. He rolled over my arm weird.)

The next day, though the words faded, the bruise was more prominent.
And a couple of days later still. Thanks, buddy. Appreciate it.

This isn’t the biggest bruise I’ve gotten. That distinction goes to Andre the Giant when he bent my foot backward two years ago. (To see the damage, follow this link at your own risk.)

When I told Sensei his bruise wasn’t my biggest, he responded, “I’ve still got a goal to reach then.”

I gave myself a bruise a while back. During a rather clumsy takedown, I somehow kneed myself in the mouth.

Fat lip. The damage inside was worse, but I’ll spare you. It wasn’t pretty.

One final story:

One night, “Iceburg” was my partner. As is my involuntary custom, I made sound effects as I did the moves. “Shoop,” when I swung my leg over his head. “Shoop,” when I grabbed his arm.

“The ‘Shoop shoop’ is really key,” I told him. “That’s the secret sauce that gets the moves done.”

He smiled, “Yeah, yeah.”

Then on his turn, “Shoop… Shoop… You’re right, that works!”

Haha!

Demonstrating the power of the “shoop.”

It’s all trivial

Previous Q:

Native to the Andes, these South American rodents live in colonies called herds.

I love love capybaras, so I was pleased so many of you guessed that. But the correct answer was chinchillas, those fluffy fluffy furballs!

New Q:

It’s no surprise that this board game entered the National Toy Hall of Fame in the hall’s inaugural year of 1998.

Place your guesses!

Discover more from Writing and Martial Arts

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

74 responses »

  7. Koala’s are actually very dangerous creatures — they cute cuddly look is on you lure you in before they rip your head off and us it for basketball. Now, I know that signing a cast for a broken bone is a thing … didn’t know you sign bruises. I learn all kinds of stuff from you.

    and Monopoly.

    Like

    Reply ↓

  13. LOL…I LOVE Cheryl’s comment below. Captured my thoughts exactly…but I get your point (lol!) Betsy. Knitting needles can be a hazard, too. And I can see I wasn’t fast enough to say Monopoly. Oh – and this…I feel a need to say “shoop shoop” – just for fun! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓

  14. You’re the only person I know who has ever given themself a fat lip. Congratulations?

    (My trivia question to you: which ’90s alternative band had a hit song called “Fat Lip”? That’s probably too easy; I’m sure you’ll nail it.)

    Of course it was Monopoly. I wanted to say Life, just because.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓

    • I’ll take the congratulations. I’m weird like that.

      The same band whose new song “Landmines” is on the radio all the time, once getting stuck in my head for a day and next morning, and who made me have to Shazam the artist and then say, “These guys? They’re still around?” That band?

      Points for saying Life, just because. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply ↓

  15. You are doing your best but you gotta admit that when you screw up there is something charming about it.

    I see that Monopoly is the answer and I was going to say that. Or maybe Parcheesi, it’s been around forever like Monopoly.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓

    • First time I remember giving one to myself also, though I highly doubt it actually was. 😛 I’ve desensitized you to bruises. Lol.
      I’m glad I got to tell my joke too. That was the last time I had the opportunity to be asked, so I barely snuck it in. Phew!
      Thanks, Peach! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply ↓

  18. The sharpie-labeled bruise is hilarious. At least you know where you get your bruises. Sometimes I find one and I have no idea. Maybe the dog crashed into me? Maybe I crashed into a door carrying groceries? Maybe I wrestled with the kid? It’s a mystery.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓

    • Oh, I understand that feeling well. I can blame all the bruises on martial arts NOW. Where they came from before I started this??… No idea. Probably one of those things you mentioned, and I don’t even HAVE a dog, that’s how bad I was. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply ↓

  20. Pingback: The funny parts | Writing and Martial Arts

Share what you think of this story, or share one of your own!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.